Dear Brav3:

You wrote that your worth was so low for your ex girlfriend. I was thinking about something similar only a couple of hours earlier. My worth was so low for my mother. I still can hardly believe it. And all my life I deeply believed I was worthless, lived my life that way. It is only through my five years of healing, and only recently that I feel my worth. I finally realize deep inside, that even though I was not worthy for her; even though she did not value me as someone valuable, I was valuable all along.

And so, I suspect even though your ex girlfriend did not value you at one point and on, just like me, you were valuable then and all along.

anita

Hey Brav,
having been posting much but have been reading. Please love yourself 🙂 It is tough and difficult sometimes, but it makes life so much better. I didn’t love myself when I was with my ex. He would also put me down all the time anyway. Made me feel I wasn’t enough for him.
But nothing of that is true – we had to be enough for ourselves. And that’s it – it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Let’s keep being strong 🙂

Hi all,

First of all, thank you so much for starting this thread. There is extremely valuable and helpful information here. That being said, I’m hoping you all can provide some advice or some compassionate words.

I was dating my ex for 7 years. Things were really great, and than in 2013 I moved out to where he was living and we moved in together. In march of 2014 I started noticing he was acting strange but couldn’t figure it out, and July 2014 he got so drunk and had to be taken to the hospital. He entered out-patient rehab, but since then he was off and on relapsing, acting strange, and not having his stories matched up. I tried to get him to talk about what was going on but it was hard to get him to open up. I know he was stressed because his parents divorced and he didn’t like his job. As a side note, he also received some concussions in the past from playing sports, so I’m not sure if that was another underlying issue.

In March 2015 I moved to another state for a job opp. He agreed it was the right move and would follow me, even though he initially said he didn’t want me to leave. Even after I left, similar issues would still arise. He would call me and we would have a conversation, and then would call me again 5 minutes later like we never talked. His stories wouldn’t match up on what he did the night before.

In November there was a huge incident, and he asked for a week break, but I suggested longer because I was tired and nothing I had tried or said before worked. Then in January when we agreed to talk again, he broke up for me for good, saying he couldn’t be with me…and then just stopped talking to me. After 7 years. as did most of his family (who is like my second family) and our friends.

Right now I’m struggling feeling like the most awful person who gave up on the person they love the most. I feel like I abandoned him, I mean I moved away less than a year after things got out of control. Who does that on the person they wanted to marry? I feel like the didn’t do enough, wasn’t patient enough or compassionate enough. I feel like I don’t deserve anything anymore and it’s such a struggle to get through the day when I feel like I’m not worthy. I’m also wondering if his concussions were an issue- something I looked past because all i saw was the drinking.

I also feel horrible because I would go to him with my troubles and insecurities, and I feel like maybe he was trying to shield me from his problems, thus internally held them in- and drinking was the only way to let them free.

This is only the surface of my story so if you need to ask questions please feel free. Any advice would be so much appreciated it.

Thank you!

I just want to say thank you for this post.
everyones words are so extremely helpful.

Dear Brav3:

Seven months to December. When you do leave the city and the triggers of the city, you will only have the triggers stored in your brain. I say “only” humorously. We take our brains wherever we go. Move to a different city- and oops, we took along our brain with us; different country and oops, here is that same brain.

So it can help, but there is that brain. So from now until December, there is work possible to do with that magnificent brain of yours. Some work that can be done for healing. I don’t know what it can be just yet. Do you?

Reminds me of the movie “Groundhog Day”- the main character is stuck in this one town. Every morning he wakes up in that town. Even though he left it the day before. No matter what he does, he wakes up in the same town. Not only in the same town, but he wakes up to the same day. Everything happens the same, every day. At one point, since he can’t run away no matter what he does, he does that work I am referring to.

I wonder if it will mean something to you if you watch it. It is a love story.

anita

Dear Brav3:

For healing: a combination of Insight into your childhood where you formed core beliefs about who you are and what life is about. Often these core beliefs people form are distorted, not true to reality and that causes lots of dysfunction throughout life. Examining these core beliefs for truth is very important (those CBT exercises I mentioned, I think there are worksheets on this on this very website, if you click Resources).

And then, skills: how to endure distress while you are doing the above, and otherwise, how to manage yourself as an emotional person. It is quite a challenge.

anita