Home→Forums→Relationships→For those who broke up recently, some tips for you
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Anonymous.
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April 28, 2016 at 7:46 pm #103078
Brav3ParticipantI say this to myself when I am in rage, wants to get even with her, how about ‘Let go, these emotions will fade away, just let go’
April 28, 2016 at 8:17 pm #103083
AnonymousGuestDear Brav3:
What a struggle. I hear you. Do you think it can be helpful to you to read the last thread, the process of thinking, and this thread, your original post. When we arrive at the right thinking, we often forget what it was when we feel distressed, overcome with loneliness, playing memories in our brains that stir up emotions. And those emotions cloud our thinking.
When that happens take deep breaths and re read some old posts, the progression of them, of your own thinking in the last and current thread…?
anita
April 28, 2016 at 8:48 pm #103087Brav3ParticipantYes Anita,
Because she still continues to exist in my life, its just keep triggering. Some days are bad, like today. I am tired with emotions, tired to be this way.
I do go back and re read articles or previous posts, listen to something soothing. We also often forget what thinking clear was like, when we are feeling pain, hurt and other gazillion emotions.
How are you going with your healing?
April 28, 2016 at 8:58 pm #103088AnonymousGuestDear Brav3:
My healing? Well, I posted today on my thread The Healing Path. Are you referring to it here? If you are, well, I am anxious once in a while every single day but my goodness, I am so .. reasonable even though I am anxious. I am becoming more and more mindful, paying attention to my thoughts and feelings and detect what brings on the tension. It is way easier now, after all my work, and yet there is much more work, much more to see, much more to know.
When I get distressed I focus on what I can learn, I get curious. I want to find out more of what is going on.
Post again, and now my bed time. Please do take good care of yourself.
anita
April 28, 2016 at 10:25 pm #103091Brav3ParticipantThat’s great Anita. I will read more about it in your thread.
April 29, 2016 at 5:53 am #103093Brav3ParticipantIt’s been a very emotional day, woke up with tears and going back to bed with tears. There’s so much grief and sadness.
April 29, 2016 at 8:10 am #103110AnonymousGuestDear Brav3:
If it helps, put more of your grief and sadness into words. How does it feel? Where does it feel? Tears is one way it expresses itself, this grief and sadness. What else? Is there heaviness in your chest? Loss of appetite… pay attention to the physical sensations of this grief and once you sense this or that, stay with it and notice: does it get stronger? Weaker? Does it change?
anita
May 1, 2016 at 4:03 am #103227Brav3ParticipantI feel heartache, heaviness in chest. It’s like a dull ache which gets sharp sometimes.
Sadness comes from broken dream and feeling of there is something flawed with me. Thoughts like” I was meant to to have a long time partner by now & there must be something wrong with me & that’s why I am alone”. I did everything I could and still she chose not to be with me. Now, here I am trying to accept, whereas she is going on holidays and possibly seeing someone now.
Sometimes I feel so disempowered. I wish I have never met her, my value in her life was so little.
May 1, 2016 at 8:10 am #103242AnonymousGuestDear Avery:
It is a good thing that you identified the thoughts that accompany your sensations of heaviness in the chest and heartache.
If we examine your thought, that there is something flawed with you, that thought in itself is not about her. It was probably there before you met her nut now it is more persistent, as if she proved that thought to be true.
Another thought, that you are supposed to have had a partner at your age, this thought as well can be examined. It has to do with social convention, that you are supposed to do this or be that by this or that age. This thought as well has nothing to do with her and the ending of the relationship.
So two thoughts that are independent of the terminated relationship are causing you emotional/ physical pain. In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), the practice is to examine thoughts for accuracy, in a scientific kind of way, like in a court room, speaking like a lawyer for and against the truthfulness of the thought (defense and prosecution) and eventually judging the thought as accurate or not and coming up with an adjusted, clarified and changed, if needs be, true thought.
Would you like to challenge these two thoughts the CBT way?
anita
May 1, 2016 at 2:07 pm #103264Brav3ParticipantYes, Anita. Please tell me how do I challenge these two thoughts.
May 1, 2016 at 4:55 pm #103300AnonymousGuestDear Brav3:
Step 1: Pick up one of the thoughts you want to work on first, and state that thought, that belief, in a clear, simple, way, one sentence.
anita
May 1, 2016 at 8:38 pm #103319Brav3ParticipantOk. Thought is that I am not good enough. How do I proceed?
May 1, 2016 at 9:24 pm #103334AnonymousGuestDear Brav3:
I am not good enough.
Evidence in support of the thought (defense of thought):
1.
2.
3.
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.Evidence against the thought (prosecution):
1.
2.
3.
.
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.As a defense attorney, defending your thoughts, do your very best to support the thought, give the thought the best defense it can get. Hold back nothing.
As a prosecutor attorney, give evidence against the thought and give this job all you have, hold back nothing.
Will be back in about 10 hours to read your exercise.
anita
May 2, 2016 at 1:44 am #103351
MelissaParticipantThanks for the advice, I struggle and it’s been almost year. Sometimes it feels like a trickling pain, little things happen all through the year to remind me of our connection. But he is gone and not the same person at all. He isn’t going to come back or apologise for hurting me. I have to let it go.
May 2, 2016 at 5:10 pm #103394
mouseParticipantlove this post…I am going through this right now with my first real painful breakup. I love him to pieces but I was unhappy and didn’t love myself properly. These tips are just what I needed.
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