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Forgiven but still feel guilty and anxious

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Matt 6 years, 5 months ago.

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  • #41466

    Casey
    Participant

    So, I’m sure you guys remember the girl I told you about a while back.

    3 or 4 months ago we had a bit of a falling out so to speak. What happened was, was that we were in a relationship for some time, but she wanted to stop and be just friends. For a while I went along with it, and things were fine, but eventually, for some unexplainable reason, I became overcome with emotions, and I posted something manipulative about her on FaceBook. Well she found it, and was upset about to put it softly. She blocked me and facebook, and told me not text her or contact her until the school year began.

    Well, the school year began, and at first we didn’t speak, but eventually I worked up the courage to apologize to her, so I did. (And I was and still am sincerely sorry for what I did). She forgave me and gave me a second chance to try and be friends again, but I still feel extremely guilty about what I did. And I can’t seem to shake the guilt.

    #41467

    Casey
    Participant

    Another thing: The reason I’m anxious is because I highly value the friendship I have with this girl, and I’m worried if I make wrong move, I may lose it permanently this time.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by  Casey.
    #41488

    Matt
    Participant

    Casey,

    Perhaps consider doing some metta practice with her. As we intend loving kindness toward difficult connections, our mind becomes free from the type of agitation you’re experiencing. There are some great guided meditation practices on YouTube. Perhaps check out “ajahn brahm guided metta”.

    If you still have romantic feelings for her, perhaps your caution is wise. They can sometimes stir up jealousy and resentment… that when expressed lead to guilt (and tears at the friendship). If you hold a strong intention of being especially gentle (and practice metta) then your heart will guide the way.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #41527

    Casey
    Participant

    How do I get rid of the romantic feelings I still have for her? Should I just alienate her totally, or try to be friends with her?\

    #41536

    Matt
    Participant

    Casey,

    It’s like asking how to stop a river flowing, and the solutions are difficult and unpleasant. Consider instead trying a metta practice, which might let the detached warmth of wishing her well become stronger than the painfulness of unrequited love. You could also try asking out some other girls, because often our first love seems like the only possible love… but as we see how many beautiful people there are in this world, we find that romance blossoms from openness and attraction, is not random. 🙂

    Good luck!

    With warmth,
    Matt

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