I feel that I am a very compassionate person – I try to be. But then, all of my harsh behavior seems to get put aside in a reserve for me to unleash it on myself. I simply cannot forgive myself when I make mistakes. I think of all the things I should have done to prevent it, how things would be different if I had been better, how much worse things could have been due to my own ignorance. I am even so unkind to myself as to think things like, “How could you be so stupid?” I don’t know how to move on, to be kind to myself, to believe that I can learn and change. Does anyone else struggle with moving on and forgiving themselves?
Yes. I think it is a self-esteem thing. There is more pleasure from seeing other people happy than trying to make yourself happy… Analysing is exhausting and leads to living in your own head and this can be self-destructive. Take time to see your good qualities and concentrate on them. Try to take every negative thought and flip it to positive. I am sure you do not need to change and no one is perfect. Accepting ourselves warts and all has to be a good thing.
You are not alone.
I just practice being compassionate and kind toward myself—I practice being discerning, simply seeing something as it truly is, instead of being judgmental, seeing something through inward dislike. I wrote a post about my own discoveries about self-compassion a while ago. You are welcome to read it here http://wp.me/p2ywf8-9i if you like. Basically, I practice seeing what really is, letting go of harsh judgement, and treating myself with compassion, kindness and love, in much the same ways I practice treating others. Oh, and here is another post I wrote about letting go of regrets http://wp.me/p2ywf8-7J.
And Jo is so wise. You are not alone. Self-compassion is a universal human practice.
May you be compassionate, kind, and forgiving toward yourself.
One of the things that helps me for that specifically is Byron Katie’s. “The Work”. I use it whenever I am judging myself or another person. We often let our own negative beliefs go without seeing if they are actually true or not. The work actually gets me to challenge the validity of my own beliefs. By honestly asking if a belief I have is actually true, not for my egos sake but rather for truth itself. Doing this suddenly stops it’s effects. I think the work is one of my favorite self development tools especially for that judgments.
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