Hi Lucy,

Please forgive yourself. You did not know what you were doing. Many children until about the age of about six have repressed memories. I remember once, my father told me he had to take me out of kindergarten and first grade and put me in a private school because I was bullied so often. I remember none of this. The memories repressed. The children that you bullied were probably so young, that they do not remember or have repressed memories.

I was then put back in a public school at the age of 8 years old, again I was bullied terribly. I won’t go into detail, but I remember most of it, what was said, violence, everything. Again, I was put into an Academy, my foster parents became so fed up with public schools not doing enough about bullying I guess I don’t remember all the details. We moved out of state, into a small town, I was 12 years old, considered the “smart” kid. If I did not share my homework answers with bullies at this new public school, they would steal my lunch, and make mocking remarks about me in the cafeteria, or take my books and write faces and mean things on them. They bullied others too. They took my lunch money or slammed me against my locker. I got very depressed. It was taken up with the principal and the bullies got expelled from school.

What I am trying to say, is that, these kids were most likely bullied after you. They may have been Too young to remember you. But many kids who get bullied, it usually doesn’t happen once by one person, it goes on.

All you can do, is forgive yourself. Ask God for guidance. Talk to someone if you need to. If someone was abused as a child, they learn from that, and do that to others. It is beyond your control, unless your parents took you to a professional counselor, but many parents don’t do this. Go easy on yourself, it’s all in the past, they have moved on, and most likely have happy lives and have forgotten. Forgive yourself.

Dear Lucy:

You are welcome. Can you locate the woman you saw who was a kid when you mistreated her?

anita

Dear Lucy:

Self forgiveness- the “self” in the term means only you can do it, only you can determine what it takes for you to forgive yourself, and as a result, to feel better. I forgave myself, eventually, when I decided that I earned it for being on what I call, the Healing Path, for as long as I have. Before that, I was not able to do so. I had the opportunity to ask for forgiveness- and I received it. I also made amends, gave plenty of money for psychotherapy, if the person chose to attend such. None of that helped me feel better, none of it earned me self forgiveness. Only the Healing Path did it for me.

My own healing earned me self forgiveness. I still wish I didn’t harm the person/s I harmed and would take it back in a heartbeat. I would climb the highest mountain to undo the harm I caused. I would climb a whole range of mountains. But I can’t undo it. And so, it finally makes sense to me- on an emotional level- to no longer punish myself for what I did.

anita