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Freaking out this week.

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  • #46466
    tulips8
    Participant

    I’m in the middle of finals for my Masters program. I’ve been doing well all semester. This week, I’m shutting down from stress, unable to concentrate and blowing up everything in my life. There are unresolved (I feel) issues with my bf, and I’ve decided to wait until this week to get upset about them. I think I am sabotaging myself.
    I feel stupid and really have internalized a lot — my self-esteem has hit bottom, and I feel I don’t even have time to exercise or take care of myself. Rather than thinking that this is a challenge and I will get through it, my self-talk has been that I am not smart enough to do this, and that my bf doesn’t love me. I realize I’m being dramatic, but I can’t seem to talk myself up or calm down

    #46488
    Matt
    Participant

    Tulips,

    You’re not being over dramatic, you’re being appropriately dramatic. 🙂 It seems like you’re overwhelemed, which totally makes sense. Anxiety has a way of having gravity. A little stress arises about the exams, and suddenly your mind begins remembering all the other things you fear, all the other stresses. Soon, each thing you’re stressed about seems to have the potency of all of them. Said differently, consider that your body is stressed, and shining that stress all around your world, making even the small things gigantic.

    Consider a couple approaches. The first is a cathartic release. Perhaps lay on your bed, and scream into your pillow, flail your arms around, get up and hop up and down. Let the buildup release, the sticky icky gunk pass through you.

    Another would be to find a quiet, beautiful place and intentionally set down the big things. Yes, exams are important. Yes, the boyfriend thing needs sorting. But not now. Not here. Here is a time for rest. Here is a time for gentlness, for openness. If the thoughts keep popping up and spinning, consider envisioning a vault (such as a bank) and deposit all of your concerns into that vault. Then close it. Its OK to set the burden down, it won’t “fade” or “become lost”… rather we can set them down as we refuel, find peace, regain some warmth in our body. Then, as we get back to what we need to do, we can just take out what we need to address now. It can even help to write down a schedule for thinking. From 9-10:30, I will study. From 10:30-11, I will fret over the boyfriend. It doesn’t have to happen all at once, and it is actually much simpler if its not all stacked up at once.

    Good luck!

    With warmth,
    Matt

    #46508
    Joseph
    Participant

    Tulips8 you seem very self aware (i.e. that you may be sabotaging yourself). Its good that you see that many of these things you are feeling may in fact be illusions designed by yourself to keep yourself from accomplishing your schooling.

    Once you pass all your tests, what will that mean for you?

    #46510
    Al
    Participant

    I agree with Matt. Find yourself a quiet, beautiful and peaceful place to release all the negative energy. Do your best to empty your mind and start over. Prioritize what first needs to absolutely get done. School first, correct? Health can usually wait during the college years (just try to minimize the damage as best you can) 🙂 and you can always tell the boyfriend that you need to concentrate on your exams and to therefore please be patient until they’ve come and gone, no? As far as smarts go, well, you’ve gotten this far, haven’t you? 🙂 If you need belief then just look to your dreams and goals. Believe with absolute certainty that you’ll make them come true and you’ll find the drive to get back your focus.

    You can do it!

    Al

    #46522
    tulips8
    Participant

    Yes, Joseph, I think that I am afraid of “success” as much as failure. If I get through this semester, it means I have 4 months left until I look for a job and my life may change a lot. I will have arrived where I’ve wanted to be for a very long time. It is terrifying!!

    Same with the bf. If things go well with us for a few more months, we will most likely take a big step together. I don’t know if I”m ready, so I constantly look for why that is impossible. (Total self sabotage!) I think I can probably work on my self-esteem.

    School first, this week. And sort the rest out after. Thank you Matt & Al, it is true — I need to stay connected to the big picture this week, get rest and prioritize. Everything else after in steps.

    #46567
    Joseph
    Participant

    Tulips9, just know that you don’t have to do anything based on a timeline that you are unsure about. You don’t have to take another big step with your boy friend just because its the next logical thing to do. You also don’t have to succeed after you get your degree. I can point to plenty of people who don’t succeed with a degree and lots that do succeed without one. So if success is the fear no worries, you can choose to delay success as long as you want until you are comfortable with the idea 🙂

    I hope you do very well on your school work and that you find the clarity and serenity you are looking for what is next for you in life. You sound like you will be fine.

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