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  • November 9, 2017 at 3:05 pm #177345
    LJDilemma
    Participant

    Hello – I had a falling out with a friend.  Even though I apologized (for what I believe not to be my fault) she still won’t speak to me.  In fact, she has politic’d all of our mutual friends to isolate my family and I.  We use to all spend so much time time together and then abruptly it stopped.  My son stopped getting invites from their kids and my husband stopped being included.  Needless to say to has been a difficult 4 months.  I am finally coming thru the clouds and have moved on.

    I ran into one of the friends that isolated us today.  It was pleasant but awkward… no surprise.  About 30 minutes after we departed from each other she called.  I did not answer. She then texted says she “was saddened by the awkwardness between the two of us” and wants to get together to talk.

    I have just gotten to the place where I don’t cry everyday about losing my friends for reasons I just don’t know.  I have tried to piece it together and I have even reached out to other friends.  No one can give me an answer but we are still not invited or included.  Baffled!!

    My question is – how do I politely decline my friends request to talk?  I really don’t want to lose my footing and frankly, I am a bit angry that she wants to meet to talk about “her sadness”.  Any suggestions?

    Many thanks!!

     

     

     

    November 9, 2017 at 7:28 pm #177361
    Brandy
    Participant

    Hi LJDilemma,

    How unfortunate that your ex-friend has hurt your reputation in your community. This is a painful thing to have to go through. I agree with the way you’re handling this, that you shouldn’t talk about this situation with the friend you ran into today. I have some experience with moms and their cliquey nature.  I believe that anything you say will be repeated, and perhaps inaccurately. Information will then get back to the one who started the rumors, fueling the fire, and things will only escalate from there. People love gossip and drama, unfortunately.  I also believe you shouldn’t confront the original gossiper because you cannot trust what she will tell others. In my opinion, the better tactic is to take the high road and stay quiet about the entire issue. Walk away from it. Stay busy, move on, engage in activities where you’ll meet new friends, and eventually you will get to a place where you won’t care about what these people think. And you know what? The truth will eventually come out. I believe that. If you allow people to think what they’re going to think, and you refuse to badmouth the original friend, people will notice and respect that. It may take months, but it’ll happen. People will start to question the character of the original gossiper. They will also admire your strength.

    So to answer your question of how to politely decline your friend’s request to talk, I would say “Thanks, but no. Now isn’t a good time.”

    Hang in there, LJDilemma.

    B

    November 10, 2017 at 4:41 am #177445
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi LJDilemma,

    If you do respond I would write, “I’m sorry you felt awkwardness between us, I would never want you to feel that way!” And then say, “Yes, let’s meet!” Let her then do all the footwork trying to find a time/place to get together (which won’t happen because you’re busy). After you responding a day or two after each call or text, she will then realize that she should really drop the whole thing.

    For the original friend group that was stolen from you I would get together with only one woman at a time. Tell your story without putting anyone down. Next year befriend a different person in that group. Have those women over just the three of you. And, yes, even eventually the Awkward Mom.

    What will happen (I PROMISE!!) is that eventually the woman you had the Fight with will show her colors to the rest of the group. She will get a reputation for being a Queen Bee. But what will happen is everyone will get sick of it and she’ll have to move to find a new hive.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    November 10, 2017 at 6:25 am #177477
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear LJDilemma:

    You wrote that you lost your friends “for reasons I just don’t know”. My suggestion: get to know the reasons, talk to that friend, or to anyone who can shed light on the reasons.

    You wrote: ” Even though I apologized (for what I believe not to be my fault)”- what is it that you apologized for? The reason may be there.

    Also, not a good idea to apologize when you believe there was nothing you did wrong. That takes away all meaning from an apology.

    anita

     

     

     

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