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  • #114696
    helleia
    Participant

    It’s weird that when I declare myself “friendless”, people take it against me instead of empathizing.

    Perhaps it is in my word choice. Do I really say I have absolutely zero friends?
    That is not what I really mean. But I guess I have a hard time defining what friends really are, and knowing who really are my friends. Besides, words are often inadequate to describe our situations. So for the time being, I’m going to make the topic about my being “friendless”.

    I really have to admit that I am so confused about this, that it is probably the reason why things aren’t going so well for me socially.

    I would have to say that my social skills are always increasing. Every single experience I have had has made me less awkward, more “normal”, at least in surface interactions.

    But with making friendships, it’s a different story.
    I definitely deepened my friendship with my sister, and seem to get along better with my cousin, and also when I meet people I haven’t met in a long time, I am much calmer and I seem to be able to relate and talk about a lot more things than before.
    But.
    But…
    In terms of making true friends, I am not sure…
    By true friends I mean those who will stick with you through thick and thin, if not for life then at least for a long time.
    Those who empathize with my darkness instead of being turned off by it.

    I have a lot of darkness inside me.
    I know for sure that my family will not leave me,
    but recently I had a falling out with a so-called “friend”
    And apart from that, a new friend that I’ve made seems to be gone as well…
    I will talk about this bit by bit, as I am still not feeling completely calm and clear…

    I also will talk about some internal changes I’ve been having, particularly with mindfulness and enjoying little things. I guess, in some way, that is my soul’s way of protecting me in this time of sadness and confusion…

    Lastly, I hope through talking about this bit by bit, I understand it more. A problem well-stated is a problem half-solved.

    #114700
    Miarbil
    Participant

    Dear Hellia,

    I think I am in the same situation as you. I recently moved to a new country where I dont know anyoneand making friends has been very difficult. But I am using this part of my life to know more about myself. I recently took up sketching and other art stuffs and ı keep myself happy. I also had some falling out with previous room mates from uni and that has made me a guarded person. But solitude is part of life. soon this phase will pass and you will be surronded with friends and family. Hope u stay strong xx

    #114721
    helleia
    Participant

    Hi mahia. Good to hear from you and that you have an outlet in other stuff (especially creative stuff). Do stay strong as well. But I suppose it’s also okay to admit weakness sometimes 🙂

    #114722
    helleia
    Participant

    You know, I just realized that everyone I meet and fall out with is almost as painful as an ex lover. Hahaha…

    I’m not sure why that is. But as I was lying in bed, really feeling my sadness and heavy-heartedness, my most recent pain reminded me of all the other pains I had in the past…

    My recent pain is not romantic, although my second to the last recent pain was….

    I wonder if I have almost equal weight for all of these people because of my social anxiety?

    #114724
    Miarbil
    Participant

    dear helleia,

    Are you an empath by any chance. Research the characters of empaths. It may give you some insight. I listed some pages you may find useful.

    http://themindunleashed.org/2013/10/30-traits-of-empath.html

    I Feel Your Pain: An Empath’s Guide to Staying Balanced

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by Miarbil.
    #114767
    Tracey
    Participant

    Hello

    I also class myself as friendless but it’s not something i worry about or am bothered about, i just don’t think todays society/world is the same place it used to be.
    I do have what i call acquaintances, people i speak to and text ect but close friendships…..no for lots of reasons, some bieng i’m a busy mum/wife, time i do have i value to sit and do what i enjoy and the biggest is trust, how often have you sat and people watched as i call it, listening in to a conversation between 2 people quite happily gossiping about another friend ect, i don’t want to ever be that friend that gets stabbed in the back and gossiped about, been there, got the t-shirt so i’m very happy just to have my family and my Acquaintances and if others frown at that and think i’m anti social or weird, that is their problem not mine.
    I guess the real question is DO YOU want what you term Real friends? or are you happy as you are?

    #114834
    anita
    Participant

    Dear helleia:

    I like the way you write.

    Congratulations for your increasing social skills. You wrote: “my social skills are always increasing. Every single experience I have had has made me less awkward, more ‘normal'”- progress through practice!

    You wrote: “By true friends I mean those who will stick with you through thick and thin, if not for life then at least for a long time”- well, that would take time of “thin” for friendships to be tested. Not before.

    You wrote: “Those (true friends) who empathize with my darkness instead of being turned off by it.”- I like your point here, and this can be found out sooner than later, given you share your darkness in moderation, not overwhelming the listener. Good point, says I.

    anita

    #114872

    Hi beautiful person WOW IM SO PROID OF U THAT U ARE LEARNING AND GROWING EVERYDAY U DO DESERVE GOOD FRIENDS WHO LOVE U FOR U, I PROMISE THEYLL COME FOR NOW, BE THAT TO OTHERS AND YOURSELF enjoy each day tonthe fulkest do more what makes u happy remmeber what u deserve and its good to enjoy your own company, i do my pals are all far away but its ok goin to college iknoe ill hang with nw people and also helpmotherd even if i cant get to know them 1000 percent as longas i help and pursue what i love and live my life everyday i know im doing great. Youre a good person nothings wrong withnyou, you got light in u too just the darkness can cloud it but i know what its always been therr.,your light. U inspiredpeople keep shining beautiful i love u so mich Love Leni ♡Livelovelifeleni Positivity&Motivation ♡

    #115386
    Rebecca
    Participant

    Hi Tracey,

    I just wanted to say that I agree with you that society today is not what it used to be, and what people call “friends” nowadays can be a mixed bag of, well, anything. Especially with all the social media, etc. I’m also a very busy mom and wife with a full time job, and I greatly value my free time. I love spending it reading, going for walks, just spending time outside, etc. Right now, my best “friends” are my daughter and husband, and maybe my sister who lives in another state (we keep in touch by email). I’m a kind and outgoing person, but just really haven’t met anyone in years who I have found that friend connection with. I also have many different ideas about things, and definitely think “outside the box”, so just really don’t feel like I fit in in a lot of social situations. Like you have mentioned, though, I am not unhappy with the way things are. I’d rather spend my time in my own company or with close family, than to spend it with someone who I don’t trust or connect with.

    #116647
    thelover
    Participant

    Hey, we are all friends here, and I’m sure all of must have gone through this situation at least once in life, it is common.

    #117276
    Jonathan
    Participant

    When I was a teenager I had a group of what I thought were close friends but they all left the city after college and I lost contact. Through my 20’s I had another friendship group but that has ended too.

    These days I don’t have any friends and life is okay.

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