October 24, 2023 at 8:06 am #423673
I have recently been thinking about my adult friendships (I’m in my late 50’s). I have a lot of people I meet, but it seems that I do a lot of the setting up of things to do, or contacting them. In a nutshell, I like I pretty much “overdue” in friendships, and it’s not a two way street. I just recently had a major major health issue happen. I had one person reach out and come over while I was recovering and that was someone I don’t even know really well. Someone has the sniffles? I swear I’m making chicken noodle soup and on my way over with it. Someone having a bad day. I clear my schedule to listen. I buy gifts (mostly little) or treat for lunch or dinner, but it’s rarely (if at all) reciprocated. I feel like I’ve been the dummy, or expecting too much. I’m not sure. Thoughts with the little amount I put? How do you make healthy 2-way friendships in your late ish adult life?October 24, 2023 at 8:54 am #423694anitaParticipant
“I just recently had a major major health issue happen. I had one person reach out and come over while I was recovering and that was someone I don’t even know really well. Someone has the sniffles? I swear I’m making chicken noodle soup and on my way over with it… Thoughts with the little amount I put?“-
(1) Has the very major health issue been resolved/ successfully treated?
(2) The one person who reached out to you, someone you don’t know well, may be someone like you who cares about others and is not afraid to show she cares, while the others who didn’t reach out to you, either they don’t care, and/ or they are too afraid to acknowledge someone else’s serious health issues because it awakens their anxiety abut their own health, life and death.
“How do you make healthy 2-way friendships in your late-ish adult life?“- perhaps talk more, get to know other people better: what motivates them, what they are afraid of, what they value most..?
anitaOctober 25, 2023 at 1:15 pm #423737
Yes, I am making progress. I had a stroke, thank God it wasn’t more than it was. I am blessed to have that one person reach out to me! I was just shocked to see most didn’t whatever their reasons were.
Thanks for your insight!October 25, 2023 at 1:23 pm #423738anitaParticipant
You are welcome. I am glad it was not a major stroke and I hope that you are keeping your dally life as stress-free (or stress less) as possible..! Please do keep making progress and post here again whenever you feel like. I will read and answer whenever you do.
anitaOctober 30, 2023 at 6:29 pm #423845JusParticipant
I wish you fast recovery.
I admire how you go out of your way to help others. I believe it is rare. I noticed what you describe you give to others is “acts of service” (one of so called 5 love languages).
I hypothesize here and of course there is more context that I cannot know, so please treat it as “thinking out loud”.
So one reason could be that others have different love languages. For example such beautiful gesture as making a soup almost never would come to my mind spontaneously, because my default love language would be “words of affirmation”. “How do you make healthy 2-way friendships in your late ish adult life?” I try to find out what they specifically need and if I do, and see they faces shine, it is very rewarding to see.
Another aspect of the situation that comes to my mind, is that you didn’t mention if you were vocal to your friends saying you were ill and needed them? I find important being vocal even in a situation that seems self-explanatory and obvious. Sometimes people are blinded by their own problems and need more explicit message to shaken that off and reach out…
Have a good day,
JusNovember 9, 2023 at 12:57 pm #424905
Thank you for your kind insights. Most, who live near me, knew about the stroke, but didn’t reach out in any way shape or form. If I just had a cold or a headache I could understand. I did have other’s who were not near me, call or reach out, which was great. It just hurt for a bit to maybe realize that only one person (near me) actually reached out. I am counting that as enough now. I am a rich person for that one that did! I appreciate that you all have responded too, trying to illuminate “the why”. Thank you for this.