Good morning, Sonia 🙂

Congratulations for evolving and deciding that you don’t want a friendship that’s draining you, and for slowly letting go of the people-pleasing-rescuer-role (even though it’s a painful process) 👍

You started your first thread on Jan 19, exactly 3 months ago. On your first post on that date, you wrote that you were worried that if you become more distant, he will fall into depression, or deeper depression.

Fast forward, he closed the doors and you’re wondering, if I understand correctly, if in reality you were as important/ helpful to him as you thought you were.

First, I want to say that it’s natural to think/ feel this way after spending so much time and energy trying to help him while sacrificing yourself doing so (his feelings mattered most).

Second, your friendship story reminds me of my relationship with my mother. To me, her feelings mattered and mine didn’t. I was solely focused on her well- being (lack of, more accurately 😔), trying my best to help her.

Fast forward, as an adult, I distanced myself from her to the point of kindly letting her know that there’ll be no more contact between the two of us.

After that, I received one card from her (for my birthday) and that was the extent of her contacting me for years to come.

As time went by I realized that I was surprised that she didn’t try to contact me beyond that one card in which she didn’t ask me to renew contact, as far as I remember (that was 12 years ago).

In My Mind- because she was so important to me- I thought or felt (without even realizing it) that I was equally as important to her. Now I know this to be Projection: seeing in her what was true for me, not what was true for her).

I know I’m talking about a mother while you’re talking about a friend, but does any of this resonate with you?

🤔 Anita