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Getting intimate with new potential partner?

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  • March 4, 2020 at 10:32 am #341402
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello, so wrote a previous post about how I reconnected with an old classmate whom is currently taking the same education I am, we have basically gone on 5 incredible dates which were super fun.

    We have had the conversation About continuing dating and getting to know each other more and see where it takes us.

    Basically we have sometimes made bets about who would win in a game such as gocart, bowling or a card game and when he win he is basically jokingly saying he wants a bj as a “price”.. my problem is that normally I would never do things like that unless I was 100% sure the guy was Into me, we were bf and gf and also find that it was less of a problem for me with my previous bfs who were long distance. I find myself wanting to give him it, but I basically chicken out and get shy thinking About it worrying whether it’ll be too soon and if he will judge me afterwards.. so basically Looking for suggestions as how to overcome this as I worry I will push him away since he have asked a few times.  :/  not to mention we only kissed on the last date since both of us come from bad relationships with trust issues, cheating, manipulating etc so both of us are worried about getting hurt.

    March 4, 2020 at 3:10 pm #341486
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Laika:

    I will read and reply to your post in about 15 hours from now.

    anita

    March 5, 2020 at 6:56 am #341606
    Valora
    Participant

    Your feelings of wanting to wait until you’re committed to each other are not at all unreasonable. If I were you, I would just be honest with him and tell him that you’re only comfortable doing sexual things when you’re in a committed relationship.  For one, if he’s not willing to wait until you guys are committed and pushes you away, it’ll show you he’s not the right one for you. He’s not as good as it seems he is.  If he is willing to wait, that’s a definite positive thing and shows that he cares about your comfort and feelings and is supportive, which are all great qualities to have in a man and should definitely be preferred over someone who is more worried about his own pleasure than his lady feeling uncomfortable. There’s no reason you need to do those things before you feel ready. So, if I were you, I’d just tell him you want to wait and see how he reacts.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by Valora.
    March 5, 2020 at 7:31 am #341624
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Laika:

    “when he win he is basically jokingly saying he wants a bj as a price”-

    – he wants to be sexually serviced as a prize for him winning a game. Can you imagine him telling his male friends: there is a card game going at Laika’s, and if you win the game, guess what your prize will  be?

    I bet his male friends will want to play cards with Laika too.

    If you agree to this, you will be cheapening yourself.

    anita

    March 5, 2020 at 7:50 am #341644
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Waouw Thank you Anita and Valora, Definitely an eye opener when it comes to what both of you wrote.

    I don’t really know what to say other than that both of you are right. It would definitely feel as if I was cheapening myself and he have been pretty understanding the other few times.

    March 5, 2020 at 8:18 am #341654
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Laika

    You are welcome.  If he has been “pretty understanding the other few times”, he shouldn’t repeat that suggestion again!

    anita

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