June 25, 2014 at 3:14 pm #59573sandyParticipant
I have another forum topic going on some issues I have going on in my life, but have this one underlying cause of some suffering that I need to just get out of my head and maybe ask for help with at the same time.
I know that I need to take things one moment at a time. This is a basic piece of knowledge that allows me to not get overwhelmed by my feelings and emotions surrounding losing a relationship with the love of my life. Its been a year, and though I know we won’t be getting back together, there is this subconscious part of my being that still carries on my life as if we will be together again. I try to ignore it, rationalize with it, accept it, understand it, but know that having these feelings affect the decisions that I make in my life. I know that I’m emotionally vulnerable and find strength when I’m able to put my energies into pursuing my passions (which several weeks ago suddenly came to a sudden and unexpected halt, due to my school closing). I don’t contact him, but he’ll still contact me, which of course makes me anxious, but happy at the same time. These days without having anything to direct my energies towards, I’ve been more susceptible to my feelings of longing.
Today I decided to try something like metta, to give all these longings, desires and love some place to go. I would like to know if anyone has any other type of practice that I could go to when I’m feeling down and hopeless and overwhelmed and wondering if these feelings will ever go away. (Sometimes I imagine being an old woman, still pining away for him).
I’ve lost love before, but never with anyone who I had shared so much with. I’ve never lost a best friend. I know I need a way to cope that’s helpful for my body, mind and spirit.June 25, 2014 at 10:32 pm #59588@Jasmine-3Participant
I am so sorry for your suffering.
Hey, when things are refusing to go correct or according to our plans, it often means that the time has come to Stop, Assess and come up with a new strategy or plan. Your higher self is wanting you to take a new direction in life, which is based on self-love and nurture.
What has gone in the past is gone. It aint coming back. However, if you dont make your present better then your future will suffer too. Is it worth it ?
Can I suggest the following meditation when you are feeling low ? It works subtly and all you have to do is close your eyes for 10 mins or so and listen to the sounds. Try it once a day for a week and see the difference.
Can I also suggest that while you have got some free time now, pls use it for yourself ? Such as cooking yourself a nice meal, listening to some peppy or high energy music, watch movies on own – cry or laugh, go out with yourself for a coffee and cake, go out in the nature for a stroll, go to a puppy shop and play with some pups, go for massage, help out at the local charity shop or old folks home etc. There is so much you can do, which will make you feel better and bring you out of this dependency and negative state of mind. Please remember, what we do with our emotions and feelings is setting the path for the future. We can change our future by living in the moment and cherishing everything and everyone around us. It is all happening for our highest good but we dont have the vision to see it as yet.
Sending you loads of positive energy,
JasmineJune 27, 2014 at 9:41 am #59722NatashaParticipant
I know this feeling of being so hung up and pinned to the wall with my want.
One day – years later (maybe 3), and after much self inflicted suffering, I read or heard that little catch phrase, ‘When you truly love something, you will let it go’. Or something along that line.
I guess it hit me hard – that I couldn’t love something truly, if I wanted it to be with me – even if ‘me’ wasn’t what made ‘it’ (him) happy. Boo 🙁 That sucked.
So why did I need this person who I really really loved to love me? The threads this person touched in me filled some many many holes in me… sewed me up in the just the way I needed to be patched up. I was not whole or complete to begin with… I needed someone to prove to me I was loveable. I needed a distraction from myself, that perfect distraction that took my eyes away from the gaping hole in my heart… that heart that thought it wasn’t loveable.
Turns out – now some more years later, after lots of ‘work’ toward inner healing – I find that as I learn to love and accept myself unconditionally… the need for others to love me isn’t necessary. While I do so enjoy it – there isn’t that NEED or void to fill. So my obsessing becomes less – I am able to love others in a way that feels like freedom – as in ‘with or without me is fine, I just want you to be happy because I love you’.
I wish this for you dear one xxxxNovember 2, 2014 at 9:13 pm #67219sandyParticipant
Again, Natasha, thank you for your words here. Your last post made me cry, but also gave me hope since I know your words are the truth. I can honestly say that only on a couple of occasions in the year and a half since we broke up have I wished for him to be happy – with or without me. And when that happened, I knew what I felt was overwhelming love. That feeling is so rare to me, but as you describe it, I know that it’s the words of someone who is filled with love themselves.
I will practice my metta and noticing where my heart is. Sending much love to you! I hope your life continues to be filled with the love that you create!