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GF is getting sexually harrassed at work

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  • #414373
    Ed
    Participant

    Hello everyone,

    I need advice on a complicated matter regarding my girlfriend.

    At around 3 weeks ago, she started telling me about a male colleague of hers who started making inappropriate comments about her, like telling her that she “would seem like a wild one” and if she would be interested in partying with him. Comments like these would happen regularly until today i was told by her that the colleague stroked her hair and asked her if she was a “romantic”. He also seems pretty invested in her personal life, inquiring about her housing situation and relationship status.

    In the office my gf works at hes known to have affairs and a female friend of my gf there has had similar experiences with the colleague, for example him suggesting a threesome with her and her best female friend.

    Today my gf told me shes feeling awful about the situation and i am just feeling so fucking angry. I gave some ideas to her in the past on how to end or improve this issue, but i would be very happy to get some input on this matter and maybe some advice for me how to behave appropriately.

    Thank you very much for reading and possible input,

    Ed

    #414376
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Ed:

    Welcome back to the forums! In regard to your current girlfriend, is it the same woman you shared about back in Nov 9 last year, the one you helped and had her stay with you after she was physically and emotionally abused by her boyfriend (who was a former friend of yours)?

    anita

    #414378
    Ed
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Thank you for answering and thank you for welcoming me back!

    You are correct, i am talking about the same woman. After around a month of living together, she expressed feelings for me and we got together.

    Ed

    #414379
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Ed:

    You are welcome. On the same Nov 9, 2022 post where you shared for the first time about your now girlfriend, you wrote: “I am also struggling with intense anger and feelings of helplessness, although I suspect that these feelings stem from me (being) triggered“.

    Four days later, on Nov 13, you wrote: “Life is starting to move forward again and my anger and confusion are slowly fading with each day“.

    Fast forward two months and 11 days and your anger and feelings of  helplessness have been indeed triggered: “At around 3 weeks ago, she started telling me about a male colleague of hers who started making inappropriate comments about her.. I was told by her that the colleague stroked her hair and asked her if she was a ‘romantic’… Today my gf told me she’s feeling awful about the situation and I am just feeling so f***** angry” (Jan 24, 2023)-

    – I wish she didn’t tell you these things because it triggered your “intense anger and feelings of helplessness” (your words from Nov 9, above). I wish she told HR (Human Resources) at her workplace, or another agency about the sexual harassment that she’s been experiencing at work, because they can do something about it, you can’t (other than suggest to her to quit her job, or get yourself in legal trouble approaching the man). What do you think?

    anita

    #414381
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Ed

    Even if your partner doesn’t want to file a complaint. It’s relatively easy for you to send an anonymous complaint.

    My coworker is being sexually harassed by customers and I’m reporting it to management. I’ll keep her name out of it since she doesn’t want to report it and politely let my manager know that it is a concern that customers are groping staff.

    #414383
    Ed
    Participant

    Dear anita and dear Helcat,

    Thank you for your input on the situation.

    Anita, i think you are right about the emotional connection between me now being triggered just like it happened in the past. I understand why you think that it would have been better for my girlfriend to tell hr, but i know that she is afraid of losing her job, as she only started working in the office a few months ago. Also im not angry towards her but the coworker who treats her like that. The things i suggested when i heard about her issues included her talking to hr, her boss or works council.

    Helcat, i thought about that too. If i were to do so, where/ to which person would i sent this anonymous complaint (without any names)?

    Helcat, i am also hoping that the harassment situation at your workplace will end and i thank you for your great suggestion.

    Ed

    #414384
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Ed:

    You are welcome. I hope that the unfortunate sexual harassment situation that your girlfriend is going through- as well as other women at her workplace-  will soon be resolved!

    anita

    #414415
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Ed

    Your girlfriend might be the best person to ask about that. You could ask her to read what you’d like to say and ask if she’d like you to change anything.

    The situation is infrequent. But maybe they can put up a sign or something. And tell staff what to do if it happens.

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