(Thinking about you, Joanna) How are you holding up? I can only imagine how heavy things must feel right now. I’d love to hear more from you when you’re ready. With care, Anita

Kshitij (email), July 10: Dear Anita, Thank you for your last message, and for so kindly checking on me… A couple of things that happened recently which I would like to share with you — At the very last minute, things seem to have fallen in place for my Phd funding in Oxford, full credit to my supervisor!… It seems I will be staying in Oxford, which to be honest, I did want… My therapist remarked in the last session that I have been living on the edge, and that is how I would like to define myself and my current state. I am always living on the edge, walking on eggshells. My anxiety is terrible… I am not self-diagnosing or anything, but what I am doing right now with rechecking and recalculating feels like pure OCD. An element of self-harm is present even here because I sometimes feel I should punch myself or hurt myself when I think about my mistakes. That is all from me right now. On one hand I am excited about the developments happening recently, but I also get very anxious frequently and end up ruminating. I hope everything is fine with you, and you are doing well! Looking forward to hearing from you. Thanks,
Kshitij
Anita, July 10: So good to read back from you, Kshitij! Will reply tomorrow.
Anita, July 11: Dear Kshitij: Your message holds so much—the joy of promising news, and the weight of an inner struggle that’s clearly exhausting. First, huge congratulations on the PhD funding finally coming through! Oxford is lucky to have you. I hope that offer letter arrives soon and brings with it the kind of reassurance that might help soften the mental noise, even just a little.

I hear how painful the post-exam spiral has been. That inner dialogue—rechecking, recalculating, questioning what could’ve been avoided—it sounds punishing. And the fact that it followed you into what should have been restorative travel speaks volumes about how persistent and invasive the anxiety has become. You’re right: it’s not just worry, it’s fixation. And that takes a toll.

I’m really glad you’re seeking support with your therapist—especially for tomorrow’s emergency session. That’s a courageous step and a vital one. Living “on the edge,” as you described, is unsustainable. You deserve peace in your body, your mind, and your daily life.

There’s so much you’re carrying: the academic pressure, the invisible weight of internal standards, and a mind that’s been trained to keep scanning for what might go wrong. But I also see someone who’s self-aware, thoughtful, and actively reaching toward clarity. That matters.

You aren’t alone in this, and you aren’t broken. You’re a brilliant, sensitive human navigating high-stakes terrain with real insight. Please keep speaking to the people who hold space for you. You deserve care, compassion, and inner quiet.

And I’m here, always. 🤍

Warmly, Anita