Hey Alecsee:

“She is thinking if she wants to continue or not.” —I think that the kindest path right now might be giving space—for both of you. Let her process. Let you heal. You don’t have to earn love through perfect timing or endless effort. You just have to let yourself love and be loved in ways that feel healthy.

From what you’ve shared, it sounds like the two of you may have different attachment styles. She might lean toward an avoidant style—when emotions get big or unpredictable, she withdraws. Not because she doesn’t care, but because intensity overwhelms her. Your style sounds more anxious: when you’re scared or uncertain, you reach out, needing closeness to feel safe.

When you called her a “bad person,” it likely touched a deep wound. That word carries real weight for her. Even if you were hurting too, using that language crosses into emotionally harmful territory. It can shake her trust and push her further away.

“I’m always putting stuff to later. Why is that. I can’t face something in the moment. I always need time. With time I can do it.” —

Emotional Flooding is when feelings—especially fear, shame, sadness, or anger—surge so intensely that the brain becomes overloaded. Thinking clearly and making choices gets tough. The body might freeze or avoid. It’s a protection response. Time helps because it gives space for those emotions to settle so you can respond with more clarity.

Taking time isn’t a flaw—it’s a tool. The key is learning to soothe yourself sooner so you don’t lose the moments that matter to you. If you’re open to it, techniques like deep breathing, grounding exercises, or simply naming what you feel (“I’m flooded right now, I need 10 minutes”) can help you stay present when things get hard.

“Doesn’t that mean. Loyalty?” —Yes, it does sound like loyalty—the way you hold on and keep caring even when it’s messy or painful. That matters. But loyalty also means showing up in ways the other person can actually feel and trust. It’s not just about staying—it’s about how you stay. Loyalty that heals is one that helps both people feel safe, seen, and emotionally held.

With Care, Anita

Hey Alecsee:

I hear you—you’re frustrated that you freeze in moments that matter. That’s really hard, especially when connection feels so important.

What you’re describing is called Emotion Flooding. It’s when feelings like fear, sadness, or shame rush in so fast and strong that your brain gets overwhelmed. You shut down or avoid—not because you don’t care, but because you’re overloaded. And that makes it really hard to act in the moment.

That’s why learning Emotion Regulation skills is so important. These are tools that help you calm down faster, so the emotions don’t take over and you don’t lose chances to connect. Things like deep breathing, naming your feelings out loud, or even stepping away for a few minutes to reset—they can help you stay more present when emotions get big.

You’re not broken. You’re just flooded. And there are ways to manage that so it doesn’t control your life.

You’re doing something brave just by talking about this. I hope you’ll keep going.

Warmly, Anita

You’re very welcome, Alecsee! I used to carry a lot of regret and spend too much time overthinking missed opportunities. Thankfully, that chapter has passed—and I truly hope the same kind of shift unfolds for you.

Feel free to share more, or use this thread to journal your thoughts and emotions if you’d like. If you do, I’ll reply on Monday morning (it’s late Sunday morning here).

Wishing you a better, easier day—or night—ahead.

🤍 Anita