I used to have habits of verbal abuse that I picked up as a result of abuse. These are the things I learned that helped me move past my issues.

1) Understand the origins of the habit. We all learn these things from somewhere.

2) Acknowledge the habits in full, each time and apologise for them.

I am sorry for (insert habit that hurt someone  here). This involves empathising with and validating their experience.

3) Understand that by ceasing the habit the issue is resolved.

4) Develop assertive communication skills

Particularly focusing on resolving conflict, setting boundaries, accepting criticism and how to give a good apology. Skillsyouneed is an amazing resource.

5) Learn about various forms of verbal abuse and emotional abuse. This helps identify habits to change.

6) Understand that self-abuse is part of the cycle and commit to ceasing that behaviour.

7) Empathise with the people that issues are experienced with.

Understand and validate their perspective.

8) Understand that there are emotional triggers behind habits.

Thoughts are often maladaptive when feeling triggered.

9) Realistically, evaluate the nature of the individuals involved.

Compare normal interactions with conflicts. If the two aren’t congruent then triggers are active. It is important to remember the nature of the individual when triggers are active.

10) Focus on what the individual means to you.

Ultimately, habits that harm others change more effectively when an emotional connection is involved. It is much easier to change a habit when you care about not harming the person.