Such a scary thought to me. Life is altering so so fast in ways I never would have imagined. Even from 6 months ago. I feel afraid and alone. Having a terrible time at an amusement park. Noticing and learning much. But also hurting and mourning what I thought was a bond for life with my family. It is heart breaking to say the least.

Anita you are so right. Sometimes I feel like you are super natural by the things you say. I’m having a panic attack reading these things and all that I am going through. This was the worst idea at the worst time. I should have saved my money and went on a stay cation by myself. I am so hurt and disgusted by the betrayal. This trip turned out so different than what I expected. I am so disgusted by my brother who I am closest with and the way he has treated me this trip. He has been so passive aggressive and cruel to me. It’s as if he has a grudge against me but won’t communicate in a healthy way. Since his relationship with his new girlfriend he has been a new person but this. These actions are painful. I have to fly home with these people. I’m so hurt. I don’t know how much more hurt I can take. I’m sorry if I sound redundant but the betrayal never ends everywhere I look and turn is another realization and another betrayal. How could this be happening to me. How can I remain strong. I feel dead and empty right now. I feel like I need to go to ER with these chest pains and stress.

Hi Anita, that’s a very hard decision to make but I do think I have to go that route. I an connected to his son he is 4. I love him dearly. I am extremely close to my niece in Chicago. It’s so sad this is reality. I feel so bad that my family communicates so poorly including me at times. I’ve been working at better communicating and boundaries but this trip branch the worst out of me. At the amusement park I feel my brother had tension from the last time we were here and basically passive aggressively antagonized me about it. It was cruel in mean. And I in return canceled Grand Canyon and went to hotel and haven’t spoke to him since. My communication was no better. So stressful and hurtful. Trying to calm this anxiety down. And trying to figure out how to end this trip well. I slept at my brothers house for the last night. Flight is at 5 30 pm. So here all day. My other brother should be coming and I basically have ignored his girlfriend and him so not sure how to deal with that toxic awkwardness. I just want to have the best possible ending to this trip. Was thinking of escaping to airport early but don’t want to run from the situation, rather confront it? Any suggestions?

Hi Anita,

I am back home in Chicago. My last day went like this…

Spent the night at my brothers place while other brother and girlfriend & brother and wife from AZ went out to a bar as we planned but I cancelled. Stayed home with nephew. Woke in morning to drunk 35 year olds who could hardly stand.  Heard all about the night and was glad I didn’t go. My brother and his girlfriend came the next morning and we talked as if nothing had happened the days prior. As always. We had lunch and went to airport together. Hardly spoke but were together. I observed my brothers actions and see him as his girlfriends puppet. He doesn’t leave her side and it as if he is afraid to make a move without her. She is highly insecure and I believe jealous of my brother and I relationship when I was introduced in the beginning. Let’s just say she has turned my brother against me and he is now a shell of himself. I have compassion because I too lost myself in my relationship but never did I disrespect my family. It is hurtful. By the end of the flight I was almost in tears by his treatment. To have to accept that my final true connection in this world is fading kills me. He is a good person and many many bad things have happened to him. And I feel like he thinks he found love and is holding on to it with dear life instead of working on himself and healing. When we arrived at my place where his car was parked I said good night and he looked at me and said I love you with this weak voice and I said walking away yea I’m sure you do. Not sure why but that is what came out. He texted me this morning and said Good morning Nichole I love you. I did not respond. He called me twice and I did not answer. He then texted me to let me know he was going to see my Aunt who is dying. I said let me know how she is. I am not sure how to confront this situation. I have to say something to him. But I am so hurt and angry today with his betrayal that I thought it was best I ignore him but I know that I should have better communication.

Hi Anita, you are right and the universe has been pushing me to think of my life. But where to start? In just 6 months I’ve lost so much and learned so much. About myself and everyone else in my life. Things so painful that I don’t know how I survived some nights. Today my brother texted me again and said I Love you and I could help but tell him he has treated me less than love. He responded that he doesn’t know why I feel that way and we can talk about it at dinner. Me furious said there was nothing to talk about that he knew how he had treated me during the weekend and that he is lost and in bad company! (I really did over step boundaries). His reply was that he had no idea what I was talking about and that he is here to talk or hang out and loves me. I’m so confused. I cannot just stop talking to my brother, he will continue to reach out.  There are days where I feel so strong in my decisions and others where I question myself. I guess his reply was invalidating so I started to wonder if I’m over reacting with my boundaries. I have always been taught family is everything and although family has betrayed me I still believe family is important. I hope I can find myself and my life and reunite with family and have a support system. In this life you need support. I’m confused.

Hello Anita,

I completely understand what you are saying and I agree with you. It has been on my mind for days as I have gone by. My brothers birthday was Friday so I definitely had to reach out and wish him well on his day. I am so hurt by him and his actions since this woman but I do have to stay I lost myself with my ex but I never stopped loving my family. So any way that I was acting I wasn’t intentionally doing so. So it is hard to cut ties or keep it superficial. He is not that great for emotional support but has ALWAYS been there as far as answer my call, pick me up, have me over, or anything I needed. I think our moms passing definitely has us breaking apart. I know I need to find new supportive loving people but I don’t think I want to lose my brother. I love him and my niece so much. I miss them. I do not wish to be around that woman though! Beside that I have been quite depressed these days! Struggling with living with my aunt still. Trying to find the best solution. I did pick up a second Job as to save and am hoping this helps distract me from living arrangements at the moment.

Hi Anita, I agree with you and I have been eliminating a lot of people in suffering and I will say it feels good at times. But when I see my future I still can’t help but see me happier, more stable and good people in my life but still having my family and hopefully one day helping them become healthier but I do understand that in the mean time I have to worry about me for once and focus on myself. Yes I hope I am out soon enough as well. I still have 5000 saved which could potentially get me an apartment here furnished but then I become a renter and probably wont be able to save living alone. Where as if I save another 5 grand I can potentially own a 50000 condo in Florida and pay less mortgage there than a rent here in Illinois. I am afraid to live in a city all alone but am becoming increasingly confident about this. I really would like to invest in something. I know my future self would thank me. But toughing it out here with my Aunt is getting rough. We had a conversation last night where she insinuates that when she had to start over after divorce it took her 5 years and was stay beneath an aunt of ours that was evil! She basically said you have to put up with crap until you are able to set out on your own and I find that to be mean. When she offered me this place I thought she was supporting me and now it seems she did it for some type of control. She has helped me a lot but I will not do things I don’t want to do because some one helped me. Is that selfish?