Hi sufferingocd,

The feeling of anger is normal and is nothing to feel guilty about. However, our actions when we are angry are a different story. When you were mad at your boyfriend, what did you do to show your anger?

How do you typically express your anger?

Craig

Dear sufferingocd:

The feeling of anger, like any other feeling, is not a bad feeling. It is okay to feel whatever we feel.

Feelings are automatic mental events, they just happen. We don’t choose what we feel. Same with thoughts, they are too automatic mental events. They just happen.

What we do, our behavior, is available for our choosing. When you got angry at your boyfriend regarding the movie, how did you behave?

anita

Dear sufferingocd:

I posted the above before I saw Craig’s post and your reply to his post.

It reads to me that you feel guilty for feeling anger and/ or you are afraid of how the other person will react to you feeling angry and this is why you don’t “let go lf arguing until i know the person im arguing has forgiven me”-

am I correct?

anita

Dear sufferingocd:

Like I wrote before, feeling angry does not make you a bad person. It is okay for you to feel any feeling you happen to feel.

Your boyfriend too feels angry sometimes. It is okay for him to feel angry too, just like it is for you.

Share more, if you’d like: suffering OCD is in your user name, is it so?

* Will be back to the computer in 9 hours or so.

anita

Sufferingocd,

Would you say more about what you do when you say you are “persistent” and “can’t let go”? What exactly do you do, and say?

Craig

I’m just curious, and trying to understand…. do you sometimes think that people aren’t listening to you, or seeing your point of view?

Dear sufferingocd:

I am late to this exchange, but I at times felt this way. If I had shouted at someone or said something mean when I was angry, I would be afraid that the other person would be angry at me and in some way dislike me. I don’t like it when people are angry at me, so I try to make sure they are okay by talking to them more about the situation. However, I have learned to let myself be angry and also let the other person to be angry. To do this, I would have to let the other person have some space. Then we can talk about it again later. I learned if we continue to talk when we are still angry, then we begin to feel that guilty feeling you mention.  When you give the person time to calm down, you also get the time to calm down and understand why are you feeling that way.

leena