I’m just a little at odds lately.

I like my friends- a lot. Don’t get me wrong, they’re funny people, and I’ve had a lot of fun memories with them and appreciate having met them all.

But lately I’ve really just felt like a part of me wants to find a new group of friends?

As amazing as they all are, I feel like I’m on a different page, spiritually? As in, I’m pretty optimistic about my life and I’m determined to succeed. I’m trying to worry less and feel more confident in myself. I have reconnected with the Universe spiritually after being disconnected for so long, and I’ve felt happy for months. I have to say I agree pretty whole-heartedly with the idea of surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals.

My friends stress… a lot. Over small things. Over relationships. Over everything. And every time for the past few weeks I’ve asked how they’re doing or feeling or what’s been going on in their lives- as I struggle to figure out anything other than small talk due to their reactions- and all they reply with is ‘tired.’ They pretty consistently talk about how they’re frustrated in their relationship, to which I try to give the best advice I can (I ended up giving someone a pretty stern pep talk a few weekends ago), or how they feel about something someone said a while ago, how college is going to be hell, how they’re not looking forward to the future. I’ve tried to be an upbeat person and not let their negative talk get to me, but obviously hearing things like this all the time… it starts to make me not want to hang out with them, because I start to feel tired and despondent around them.

At lunch two weeks ago I even sat at a different table instead of with my ‘friend group’ because usually no one talks to me even when I try- they all end up wrapped up in conversations with significant others, and someone else doesn’t even talk to me at all. I sat at a different table and actually felt involved- and this was the first time I even sat with these people! Of course being teens they still talked about being frustrated with exams, but then they were able to counter it with ‘but, I know things will be fine, this just upset me a little bit.’ So they didn’t linger on the frustration and we moved on. It felt good, like I was with more generally positive people.

My friend is trying to put together a last minute dinner-thing for two of my friends who share the same birthday this Saturday. It’ll be late and at a place right across the street. Me being me, you’d think my first response would be a resounding ‘yes,’ because I could literally walk there and I haven’t seen them in over a week. And yet my first response was actually ‘eh, I’d kind of like to stay home because I’ve started enjoying my own company a bit more?’ As selfish as it may sound, I’ve been feeling much better spending time with my mom and reconnecting with myself. I’ve felt overjoyed with my life, grateful for everything in it, I’ve been doing my hobbies again and having so many ideas for college and enjoying my summer and making new, like-minded friends for college so we can all push each other to go for our goals and all-around be better.  At school I’ll still talk to my friends and I always wish them well and listen to them, and if they need me I’ll lend a hand of course, but I just… I’m not sure what to make of this anymore.

I feel like I’m ready for new friends. I love mine, but it’s like something is calling me to move on, if that makes any sense. Move on to better things and ‘better’ people (for me). I’m appreciating myself a bit more and it’s like something is trying to get me to detoxify all areas of me life. I obviously don’t want to be rude or anything to my friends, but to some extent I’m pretty happy that with graduation comes probably not having to see them too much anymore? Or at least I’m free to go off and make new friends at college.

I enjoy helping others but I’m not here just to be their counselor and join them in a downward spiral of pity… things are tough sometimes, yes, and I get we all become stressed out, but they choose to linger in the stress instead of dealing with it or taking the time to care for themselves. I don’t know. It’s all a bit complicated for my heart, really.