Dear @Zita,

I am sorry you are going through this hard time. It seems to me like you can’t shift your focus onto yourself because your mind is still stuck on your past. You mentioned there are things you “should” tell him but that you don’t like writing and talking about it over and over again.

I would suggest you take two pieces of paper. On the first one, write everything that is on your mind regarding your previous relationship and ex boyfriend. Write the things you wish you could tell him, how he has wronged you, how he made you feel. Write all the things you hated about this relationship. Write as much as you can.
When you are done, take the second piece of paper and write all the things you appreciate about yourself. Write about the things and people (friends, family) that make you happy. Write about your dreams, your goals. Write same positive quotes or your favorite lyrics.

And then look at these two lists. Re-read them carefully and be aware of every single word you wrote. And when you are done, throw the first piece of paper away.

Hopefully this will help you realize that you have the power to control your thoughts and your mind. You nourish your brain, you get to decide what goes through your mind. Whenever you feel the bad emotions coming back, read the list you wrote for yourself.

Shifting your mind onto yourself will take time, but my hope is that you will remember to take care of yourself first and foremost. Although I don’t know anything about your past, I know that you deserve the best -because we all do.

Emmanuelle

Hey there Zita,

You’re not alone in feeling this, so please don’t worry.

It’s a tough one to shift your focus, and to forget, but that is a tribute to the love in your heart, that you felt so much for this person and that you feel thoroughly disappointed about the way things turned out and the horrid way in which he treated you. I went through the same thing and I too feel the way you do….and it’s been a year now – so it can be a long hard road. But it does get less frequent, it does get better with the passing of time. What you need to think is that whatever wrong was done to you, it was a reflection of the other person, of their own insecurities and their own lack of love and compassion. It’s not about you, you are beautiful. They will quite probably do the same to another until they learn to respect all living creatures, including themselves.

Hang on in there, keep working on yourslelf, know that you are not alone in this and that there is no ‘right time’ to be over it, let it be, accept it, feel and acknowledge your feelings both positive and negative and I will do the same. And together, you and I and all the others who are going through the same thing will get out of this with a bigger heart, more compassion, and a greater potential to love, and to be loved.

Much love to you

Chris