June 12, 2018 at 11:54 pm #212271
Hello, new to the site found it googling around maybe I can get some advice here.
Im 40 years old and I have have a wonderful 3 hear old boy. Problem is I absoulty hate his mother. And I mean it, I know it's not good. I knocked up a stripper, 15 years younger than me and it didn't work out imagine that lol. That's not where the hate is though. In full disclosure I did try to make it work I was miserable and at times I was verbally abusive. But still I didn't hate.
The hate happened instantly one day when I woke up and found her unresponsive in front of our son. She tried to take her life by OD'ing in his presence. I instantly hated her and also called 911 and thus saved her life. She was on a ventilator for 3 days then baker acted. When she got out i told her she's not welcome here anymore. She showed up anyway with what I believe was a plan to get me thrown in jail. It took, hours but it worked after hours of her smashing everything i own soliciting herself for bdsm sex from my house then tryimg to steal my car i lost it. I went to throw her laptop in the shower she jumped on my back and I pushed her in the tub. I turned off the water and tried to help her out. She had what she needed, she called the police i didn't stop her then I went to jail. I got banned from my house for 90 days judge said she keeps the baby. Long story short she was hooking out of my house on our son was in a meth trailer completely neglected no food or water and coughing from exposure to smoke. Cps removed him from tjere and gave him to me. Over the next 2 months she was banging my neighbor and continued hooking out of my house while the baby and I stayed in a hotel room. When I moved back in ALL of my belongings were gone my motorcycle was totalled with a hammer and wires cut with pliers. Buckets of paint thrown everywhere floors walls grills porches everywhere. Also found several needles one under the sink and one just on tje porch. She threw flour under my cupboards to attract rats and it worked lots of them. I lost my job because I just couldn't maintain sanity. She disappeared for months then just shows up at my mother's house demanding the baby. That didn't work So she disappeared for months then tried to break in my back door and take him. That didn't work. She's now trespassed from my house and my mother's house. She disappeared for almost a year and now has popped back up saying she's clean has an apartment and a good job, not on her knees for a change. Well… She works at a tattoo shop and won't take a drug test. I've got thousands into fighting this domestic charge and replacing my stuff. She's demanding overnight visits and threating court if I don't comply. I know I'm not gonna get the answer to everything and serioisly this is a super condensed version of events there's alot more to it. I'm scared as hell she's gonna get overnights and frankly she's a scum bag and has scum bag friends. She has nothing positive to offer and has had a tremendous negative impact. How do I not hate this person?
Her documented history of drug abuse and mental instability goes back to when she was 12 years old she's now 25 and has been arrested around 10 times for drug related charges and theft. Shes a known prostitute. I've been arrested twice once 10 years ago dui and once 3 years ago DV.June 13, 2018 at 3:03 am #212299
My suggestions are:
1. If you are a good father to your son, not aggressive with him at all, providing him with safety, in relationship with you, attentive to him.. then consider a disappearing act, that is relocating secretly to a different state/country with your son, so not to be found by her. This may be the only way to protect your son from severe abuse.
If #1 is not possible, then
2. See to it that you no longer get in trouble with the law yourself in any way. Do not allow her into your home, make sure you don't find yourself with her alone.
3. Take the legal route, strictly legal. All communication with her should be what your attorney/ the court recommends or instructs. See your relationship with her as a legal matter, not personal, best you can, that is. Have your attorney (a good attorney, I hope) do all he or she can to show the courts that she is the severely abusive mother that she is.
4. Be a good father to your son, be that safe place for him, a place where he feels safe, seen and understood. Don't leave him alone with his own fears and sadness. A child can be very resilient and heal from a whole lot if there is someone there for him, if he is not alone with his fears and sadness. Pay attention to him, listen to him, repeat to him what he expresses to you (in whatever way, being a three year old). Let him know he has you to help him, to hold him when he is scared.
anitaJune 13, 2018 at 3:31 am #212303
Thanks, yeah the state won't let me leave. I think I'm a good dad other people tell me I am lol. I'm suoer scared for him and yes ill always be there and be positive for him. I'm so frustrated with myself though. I can't even speak to her without venom spewing from my mouth. Some days are better than others but I can't let things go and it's eating me up.June 13, 2018 at 3:38 am #212307
Tell me more about the hate for her. It is understandable to me, that you are intensely angry at her, on an ongoing basis, but I would like to read more from you, what thoughts are involved in your anger, what angers you about her most (and least)?
anitaJune 13, 2018 at 3:45 am #212309
Thanks, I will give a detailed reply this evening. My son just woke up don't want to be distracted from him.June 13, 2018 at 3:51 am #212311
I very much like your reply, not wanting to be distracted from your son. Will be glad to read your next post whenever you post it.
anitaJune 13, 2018 at 6:44 am #212331
I would go for TOTAL custody and SUPERVISED visitations at a PUBLIC location. Move and don't tell her. Change jobs. Work from home. Only the state and your lawyer knows the true address. Her lawyer (if she has one) gets a UPS box (claim the “Suite” is a real apartment). Get a restraining order for her. Have CPS (or someone??) bring your child to her at the public place for supervised visitation.
I hate to say it, but don't even give your mother your new address, because in a moment of weakness she might reveal it. Better yet, your mom should also move and not tell the ex her new address. Your ex is a dangerous stalker type.
It's going to seventeen more brutal years. Let's hope she ends up in jail (for a reprieve!) or miraculously gets her life in order.