Home→Forums→Relationships→He cheated on me and left me for her but claimed to have loved me
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July 16, 2018 at 3:45 am #216815
AnonymousGuestDear Claudia:
I re-read your posts. You wrote that you don’t know why he blocked you from texting him. Is it possible that he blocked you because panicked, like you wrote that you were, you texted him repeatedly telling him how much he hurt you, that you hate him for hurting you and such?
(Reads to me from what you wrote that he told you that he was aware of how badly hurt you have been, saying that he has to live with knowing this, something like that. So I am thinking you have let him know how badly hurtful he has been, how badly hurt you were. Then he blocks you).
You wrote in your recent post: “I just don’t know what changed or if it was all a lie?” It was most likely not “all a lie”. But what changed, you ask. Well, two things changed: he received full custody of his son and he moved to his mother’s house in Fresno. There were other changes in his life, employment is a third. What changed in the relationship with you: distance, for one.
So by “I just don’t know what changed”, what do you mean?
anita
July 16, 2018 at 11:25 am #217075
ClaudiaParticipantAnita,
I’m not sure he blocked me and took my cousin off of his Instagram and that is when he started posting pictures of him and his current girlfriend on there. I found out through coworkers since I don’t have an Instagram… so that’s what I refer to when I say was it all a lie… I’m not sure if you can go from being in a relationship where you talk almost every second of the day to blocking them and having someone new in that span of time… .I’m not over it at all and I still have some hope (idk if that’s stupid) that he will come back because I truly cherished our relationship. I consider myself a pretty private person and I have never taken any boyfriends to meet my parents and I invited him to have Thanksgiving with us last year. I just feel so lost, confused, and hurt since the last thing he said to be before blocking me was that he truly loved me and no one will ever come close to the love I gave him to suddenly blocking me and putting up pictures of the girl he cheated on me on his Instagram with hashtags like #loveher and #myqueen…. it’s the most hurtful thing.. that’s what I mean by Idk what what changed? … I guess I just have never felt this way about someone and I’m scared that I will never find someone that I will be able to open up to like that or that I will ever love like I love him….
July 16, 2018 at 11:30 am #217077ClaudiaParticipantI meant- I’m not sure,* he blocked me
July 16, 2018 at 11:36 am #217079AnonymousGuestDear Claudia;
Maybe he blocked you because his new girlfriend pressured him to do so, and for fear of losing her he blocked you, to please her.
Back to the quote in my last post to you: “I just don’t know what changed or if it was all a lie”. I am thinking that part of your emotional experience of the relationship led you to believe it was different from what it really was, meaning, you felt so much for him that you believed he loved you just as much, in the same way. And so, it is not that the relationship was all a lie, but part of it was your make-believe.
To know what is really going on, to see reality as it is, it takes a combination of logic and emotion. It can be quite tricky when emotions are strong.
Do you think this statement may be true, that he loved you but not as much as you thought he did?
anita
July 16, 2018 at 1:37 pm #217101ClaudiaParticipantYes I do think that statement is true..
July 17, 2018 at 4:34 am #217199AnonymousGuestDear Claudia:
Your emotional attachment to him has been significantly greater than his emotional attachment to you. You felt (and feel) that you need him very much while he didn’t and doesn’t feel the same.
Emotional attachment is what most people refer to when using the word love. It is the first form of love. A baby/ young child forms its first and most powerful emotional attachment to the parent holding and caring for it.
When we are emotionally attached to another person, it feels like we can’t live without that person. We feel this way because for a baby, life is believed to be impossible without the parent. This is why young animals, like fawns, follow the does (female deer, the mothers) wherever they go.
You are like a fawn in this context, motivated to follow this man wherever he goes, wanting nothing more than to be with him. Being away from him feels so very badly.
Where do you go from here, what is next?
anita
July 17, 2018 at 11:10 am #217299ClaudiaParticipantHi Anita,
I’m not sure where to go from here.. I feel so hurt, lost and confused. I’m trying to work on myself take yoga classes and gym classes during the week to keep myself preoccupied and on the weekend I try to keep myself busy by having plans but I have to admit that this is always in the back of my mind and I sometimes start crying out at the most inconvenient times ( during work if I feel really anxious I’ll go to the bathroom and start crying). I have even tried therapy.. and the first meeting where I told my story helped a little because I was able to vent in a way… but the second meeting where she was telling me to do all the things I’m already doing and then proceeded to tell me that true love will find me and it took her to her forties to find it wasn’t so helpful.(I’m 27 and from Latin America so although I know its wrong I do feel pressured to marry before I’m 30 or I will have even failed at that)… My therapist then proceeded to tell me that there are creeps out there in the world and that my ex might have been manipulating me and I might not get my laptop back. This meeting was not helpful at all and instead of feeling better and hopeful I have to admit made me feel worse about myself. It was like she was basically telling me I was an awful judge of character and well f*** this sucks for you… I don’t know what to do and I’m trying to focus and work on myself but I can’t seem to shake this…. I don’t know where to go from here.
July 17, 2018 at 1:48 pm #217337AnonymousGuestDear Claudia:
The therapist you saw was not helpful, many are not. If I was to see a therapist at this point in my life I would interview the therapist, ask her or him a series of questions, see if it is a good match for me.
Which brings me to another sort of interviewing. You are interested in getting married in the next three years. Well, why not interview men for the position of a husband? In other words date with a mission. The fact that you are feeling such a strong emotional attachment to this one man can help in that you will not get attached to a new man you are to meet, and so you can learn about the man objectively, without strong emotion.
You can date as in going to a coffee shop with this man and another day, another man, a public place for coffee and a quiet conversation. start there. What do you think?
anita
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