Hello everyone,  you are all so nice taking the time out to talk this out with me. He is a very handsome man. He does appear to be confident and well put together. The whole sobbing and grabbing of the legs definitely threw me for a loop. But looking back, I had a few hints he was emotionally insecure. His ex moved out and he was on his own for about 7 months and he said that about killed him and he didnt see how I could go as long ad I did alone. I told him I knew I had issues to work thru and I had/have major trust issues. That being alone is what i needed. Crazy thing is, I did trust him.

He is remorseful. He did agree to go to counseling only because he said he would do what it takes to keep me. He’s reluctant because he said counseling went very bad when he and his ex went thru it, and seemed to only makes things worse. In talking to him about it, seems his ex did all the talking and he’s not much of a talker, esp about feelings and conflict. So he never voiced his side if the issues. I myself am a little reluctant about counseling only because I’ve gone to so much counseling for 3 yrs after my split, that it feels like a pain to go back. I mean I had intensive therapy for PTSD. I have my 6 month check in’s but my therapist doesnt do relationship counseling. Ugh, just didnt think I’d be landing myself in therapy again. Mentally, I have been in a good place for years. And even going through this, whereas I am heartbroken and disappointed, it’s nothing compared to before.

Michelle, you have good points as to why I would want him back. Some of it does come from the negative. There is that nag in the back of my head that says I wont find better. Things nag at me like I know he doesnt want to be alone, and there are plenty of women who’d love to take him on. I’ve heard women talk about him for years. And to see him with someone from work would crush me. I have a good job, I like my job, so leaving is not what I want to do.I try to filter all that. But, really what it comes down to is that I do love him and despite the betrayal, I feel he loves me too.

Hello everyone,

Anita, fear is a awful thing. It’s what kept me in my marriage and I’m sure what kept him in his. This man has had the same woman cut his hair for over 25yrs, the same golf league, the same house, same job and of course same woman. I get change freaks ppl out but geez!

Mark, I’m not sure what to do. I’m confused. When he said it was killing him he was laughing, bot like it was real serious, but still he doesnt like coming home to a empty house. I’m thinking esp that house. He was lonely and unsure what the heck to do with himself. Co-dependence did enter my head, but I would have to do more research on the aspects of that to determine if that’s really the case.

All I know is that he seemed lost there for awhile. Then after the divorce, you could tell a weight had been lifted. And now he’s lost again. Actually, he’s lost so much weight in the past month, his clothes are bagging off him. I know, different kind of “lost!”

Michelle, I liked your anology about the dress. But just having to see it everyday, knowing what we could of had, would just keep breaking my heart I fear. Because I dont think what he did is his normal behavior, and I’d always be wondering about the regret of not giving him a 2nd chance.

He is an introvert like me, not big on meeting new ppl. Not big on crowds. Not big on dating. We do have a lot in common, and get along well normally. The part that nags at me is how he was able basically act normal towards me after he did the deed with her. How was he able to come to my house, have me cook dinner for him, stay at my house during that time about 4- 5 days a week? And you know, one of the things he told me early on is that he wont tolerate any kind of cheating! Like I’m the one who had to be told that!