Long story short, I met this guy over 2 years ago. Things were wonderful, so great that we decided he would move into my room and we would share it to save money, as I couldn’t stand him not having a proper place to sleep (he was sleeping on a floor of a friend as he just moved to London).

We were good together, happy and laughed a lot but I started noticing that most plans/nice things were done by me. He was new to town so was a bit low that he didn’t have many friends and a job and felt quite lost. I put energy into helping him find a good job, which he did get, and then would support him in being around my friends and people to get out of the low mood.

In general he was always saying he doesn’t plan things as he is more a spontaneous person and lives life day by day. But soon I realised it meant he wasn’t just being spontaneous but also being immature i.e. not saving money, not being really there for me when I really needed it.

He was warm, cuddly and gave me a lot of “love” in words, but more and more we were having conversations about him not being considerate i.e. not doing anything nice for me and I don’t mean buying me expensive things but even when doing groceries he would only get things for him. I would always have him on my mind, if I was seeing something he would like etc.

More resentment on my side, more conversations. I asked him to learn to speak some French as my grandma is very old and she wanted to hear him say hello and how are you etc. Basic things. He said he would but he never even tried.

I asked him once to read a book “women are from venus…” to get more information about relationships as i thought it could help us. He said it’s a great idea and then…never did. He read 5 pages after i asked him and then never tried again.

I think I slowly stopped hoping for a change. He would tell everyone we would get engaged, but it never happened. We were planning to move to our place, instead of sharing with others, and were waiting for him to have more money. 2 years later (this September) I mentioned that we need to have deposits ready etc and he agreed and we started looking for houses.

Then in November I saw that he didn’t have any savings. He got himself a jacket for 400 pounds but didn’t have more than 300 pounds in his savings account. He earns good money so it was literally him not even doing what he said would do.

I realised I was depressed and unhappy and that I just simply couldn’t fight for us any more. I was tired, stopped taking care of myself and my whole life became about “wanting him to care more” and “why doesn’t he care”.

When we would talk he would either cry or become very sad, and he couldn’t even properly communicate. He would just agree or be quiet.

We never had proper fights, as to fight you need to disagree and he just never disagreed, but did what he wanted to do or what i asked him to do.

I decided I needed to end it. I loved him more than life and he said he loved me, but he didn’t say anything. We tried speaking a few times but he just would be very sad saying “I am sorry for the person that I am.I am just like that” and I would get upset and annoyed because I loved who he was, I didn’t love that he wasn’t trying.

I left for Christmas and asked him to move over Christmas period as I didn’t wanna be around him moving. It was too hard for me and I even told him that he doesn’t even realise how hard it is for me to break up with him when I love him as much as I do.

He was sad. That’s it. There was no “I don’t wanna lose you”, “Let’s work on this”. He just was the same guy, who never fought for me.

Again, don’t get me wrong – it wasn’t a manipulation to get him to fight for me. I was just tired he was never supportive of my needs and wasn’t thoughtful.

He wanted to stay friends, move but don’t break up, but I said I think we both need a break so he can figure out what he wants as I keep feeling he doesn’t love me because he can’t even tell me he wants this relationship to work. I knew I was breaking up for both of us, so I could find myself again, and he could grow and decide what he wants.

He said he would go to therapy etc but to be honest, I didn’t have hope any more. He could have done it for last year. I always talked to him and supported him and heard about him going to therapy before but he never went.

Anyway, I told him we should keep in touch over December as I will be away and he will be moving so I would like to know when he moves and if he has questions about any things and well, it’s Christmas. But in January we should take a break with communication as we need to start new year working on each other.

14th december i left abroad and….never heard from him again. He moved, one of my flatmate told me, around 27th December. No christmas wishes, no “thank you for everything” no “goodbye”. He didn’t even say goodbye to my flatmates after 2 years of living with them.

He disappeared. I don’t understand it. He never called, texted, nothing.

I know the break up was the right decision because I chose to put myself first for once, but how can someone want to marry you, and tells you they love you 10 times a day and then just NOTHING. We weren’t arguing, there wasn’t hate. I still can’t understand.

I found it disrespectful and decided to not contact him either. I tried for 2 years and this was it for it. No more trying if its one sided.

I have anger now, and sadness and sometimes I just wanna scream. I hate this. I love this man and I can’t figure out why sometimes things just don’t work. Why sometimes it’s just so shitty and feel like I could have done more but I just couldn’t do it any more.