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He says he likes me a lot but isn’t sure about us??

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  • #291875
    Gracie
    Participant

    So I’ve been seeing this guy for a little over a month now and we’ve clicked really well. Lately he’s started to pull away and now he’s saying he isn’t sure about us but he does like me a lot. When I told him I wanted to talk about it over the phone he promised he would call me after work to talk. Then he told me his friends truck broke down after work and he had to go pick him up but he’d call me after. Then he never did. And now he’s not responded to my message all day asking if everything was okay.

    What does this mean? And what should I do?

    #291889
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Gracie:

    If he wouldn’t answer you, there is not much that you can do. Until he responds, if he does, we can look at what happened this month with him for clues as to “What does this mean?”.

    We can also look at the past for clues- in Nov last year you had a beginning relationship that ended, “He admitted to me”, you wrote, “that he did not feel like the petty arguments we were doing was normal at the beginning of a relationship and it was bothering him…. He said the petty arguments were taking an emotional toll on him… I honestly think that the arguments were more my fault than his. I think I made a big deal out of nothing”-

    – were there petty arguments in this recent month old beginning relationship as well?

    anita

     

    #291893
    Gracie
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    We haven’t argued while we’ve been together. He tells me all the time that he likes me a lot and enjoys being with me. The only thing he’s commented on recently is he hates that our work schedules are opposite. He works nights during the week so we really on see each other on the weekends. I’m not sure if maybe this has something to do with it?

    #291897
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Gracie:

    I need to be away from the computer for a while, for a few hours. I am glad the two of you didn’t argue, and opposite work schedules are a problem in relationships, absolutely. How long is it that he didn’t respond to your messages, and how many unanswered messages did you send him?

    If you want to add any details regarding the relationship, please do as they may be relevant.

    -will be back in a few hours.

    anita

    #291905
    Gracie
    Participant

    i texted him last night around midnight asking if everything was okay because he had not responded and he wrote me back this afternoon around. 4:30. He said he was sorry and wasn’t meaning to ignore me but he’s not sure about the future and feels that we shouldn’t move forward because he does not want to hurt me. And I told him it was okay and that I had just wished he had told me sooner and I felt like there was a lot of mixed signals. He wanted me to meet his parents and then meet my parents etc. just various things that would suggest moving the relationship forward. He just apologized over and over and that’s how our conversation ended. I’m very upset about this and I know there’s nothing I can do at this point. I guess I’m just curious if there is a possibility it could work out with someone space apart? Maybe if he thinks about it and realizes he does know what he wants.

    #291911
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Gracie:

    You saw this man a little over a month and within that month, “He wanted me to meet his parents and then meet my parents etc. just various things that would suggest moving the relationship forward”-

    -there are two most likely possibilities why he suggested that you meet his parents and he meets yours within the first month of dating you (as well as say other things that would suggest moving the relationship forward):

    1. maybe he wanted to have sex with you and when men suggest moving the relationship forward, the woman is more likely to have sex with the man (and after having sex with you a few times, he didn’t care for more sex)

    2. maybe he was very infatuated/ fell in love with you and really thought about marrying you (and fell out of love within a month).

    The way to avoid possibility 1 and two is to not have sex with a man in the first three months of dating no matter what the man says (it is simply too… simple, too easy and quick for any person to pronounce words, remember that!) –

    -in case of possibility 1, if a man doesn’t have sex with a woman, he will not be motivated to see her after a few failed efforts to have sex. A breakup/ being rejected before sex is less painful than being rejected after sex.

    -in case of possibility 2, if the man falls in love with you, well, he will be okay with not having sex with you for a few months, he will be happy to just see your face and hear your voice, he will be thrilled!

    I understand you being upset about this, of course it is upsetting to be rejected. As to your question, I don’t see a reason to hope that he will “realize he does know what he wants”- because he did know what he wanted when he ended the month long relationship, he wanted to end it, so he did.

    If I was you, I would mourn this short term relationship, take your time doing so and learn from the experience, perhaps adopt my suggestion of the three-month-rule?

    I will soon be away from the computer and back in about 14 hours. I hope you feel better soon!

    anita

    #291933
    Gracie
    Participant

    I agree with everything you said. I never did have sex with him but he would try to initiate things. So that may have been a possibility. Thank you for all your help.

    #291969
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Gracie,

    Men like the hunt, for sure. But many of them fall apart when things get “too hard”. Opposite work schedules can absolutely be something that’s “too hard”! Be thankful that you lost someone over something so simple as that NOW, rather than a year or two in over something else that’s “too hard”.

    Best,

    Inky

    #291973
    Gracie
    Participant

    Inky,

    Earlier he had brought up how he really didn’t like that we had opposite schedules during the week days. He had also said that he was worried that if we DID see each other during the week we wouldn’t be as excited as we normally are when we see each other on the weekends. I think you are probably right saying that he felt it was too hard. Thank you for your input!

    #292007
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Gracie:

    You are welcome.

    You wrote: “I never did have sex with him but he would try to initiate things”- I don’t need the details of what sexual activity did take place between the two of you, if any and I imagine it would be uncomfortable for you to share such. I don’t need any such information. My comment is then a general one:

    I have heard and read from women stating that they did not have sex with a man while they did have a variety of sexual activities, only not the sexual intercourse part. I heard men say something similar as well, (“I did not have sex with that woman” comes to mind, a sentence said by a very famous man long ago).

    My suggestion regarding the 3-month-no-sex-rule applies to all sexual activities, not just the sexual intercourse activity.

    anita

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