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He Wants A Break

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 week, 1 day ago.

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  • #293747

    GonzalezM
    Participant

    We have been dating for over 10 months, but he is a point of his life that he is well invested in his career. I felt like he wouldn’t communicate with me, and I started feeling like I had to schedule a date with him or we would go days with out speaking. I fell deeply in love with him, and his ambitions but somewhere in the middle I felt that I was taken for granted. I would tell him what was going on and we would try. Eventually the last time he asked for a break. What is a break? I haven’t spoken to him over a week and I decided that I would back away since he said I hurt him.  It hurts, because it confuses me that we can’t speak about it that he is needing to take a breather. I love him very much, but he doesn’t love me enough to fight. The last time I spoke to him he said it. Was “much needed”. We work together, but he works in another department and it hurts to know that I have to face him and the fact that he didn’t give me  closure makes me feel disappointed. I come from an abusive home, and I was married to an abusive ex husband but luckily he left. I’m so confused.

    #293773

    Mark
    Participant

    GonzalezM

    I do not know what you are confused about. You noted that he does not love you enough.  You are feeling that you are being taken for granted and he wants to back away.

    His behavior is clear.  He does not want a relationship with you.

    Mark

    #293781

    anita
    Participant

    Dear GonzaezM:

    You wrote: “he said I hurt him”- did he say what you said or did that hurt him? For example, did you yell at him, call him names, start fights, anything like that?

    “I love him very much, but he doesn’t love me enough to fight”- fight what…?

    I ask because I want to understand.

    anita

     

    #293785

    GonzalezM
    Participant

    I’m sorry I was very emotional when I wrote this. We weren’t fighting at all the issue was that I felt like I was ignored. Which wasn’t the first time that I had brought it up. One time he made the mistake of making the comment that he had “priorities”, and it made me feel like I was just there for entertainment and I asked him , “where does that leave me?”. His reply was that he couldn’t believe I was saying that to him, and that I knew how he felt about me.

     

    When I say he doesn’t love me it’s because I believe when you love someone you fight for that person and you try to make it work.  I only agreed to a break, because I love him.

    #293791

    anita
    Participant

    Dear GonzalezM:

    Your home of origin was an abusive home and you were married to an abusive man. For over ten months you’ve been dating this man who took a break from the relationship, saying he needs a breather. His career has been a high priority for him, higher than you and days that he was too busy to speak with you, before the break. The break is now a week old.

    There were no fights between the two of you. One day he said that he had priorities and you asked him, calmly, if I understand correctly,  “where does that leave me?” His reply was angry, something like: I can’t believe you said that! You know how I feel about you!

    Did I understand correctly, and after he said that you know how he felt about you, what happened next?

    anita

     

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by  anita.
    #293803

    GonzalezM
    Participant

    Yes, that is correct. Nothing his reply was that “something needed to be done either quit his second job”. The next day he said  that he need  a break to see what we wanted and I agreed. That was it. No nasty fight nor ill wishes towards each other. I’m not sure what happened and I try to understand to move on, but it’s like he completely pushed me away. Which has me feeling that I ruined the relationship.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by  GonzalezM.
    • This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by  GonzalezM.
    #293857

    anita
    Participant

    Dear GonzalezM:

    “it’s like he completely pushed me away. Which has me feeing that I ruined the relationship”-

    – it is painful to be pushed away by anyone, more so, by someone you like and worse, by someone you love.

    – the fact that he pushed you away doesn’t mean that you ruined the relationship, doesn’t mean it was your fault. For a while before the break there were days he didn’t contact you and so the two of you didn’t speak. And it has been more than a week now that he didn’t contact you. I am thinking that it may be that he lost his loving feeling for you, that desire for you. I feel sad as I type this because this possibility must hurt to read about, isn’t it? Maybe you thought about it yourself, and that already hurt.

    What motivates us to do things are emotions and physical sensations: we feel hunger-> we look for food, we feel tired-> we look for a place to rest, we feel affection for someone-> we contact that person so to hear their voice or spend time with them.

    So I figure he no longer felt that affection for you anymore. What do you think?

    anita

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