healing after casual hook up

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    Hey so I had sex with someone I’ve had a crush on which was stupid of me. I overestimated myself, I thought I was able to handle it but I was not able. A few days later I bump into him and he asks if I wanted to hang out later and I said yea but he never got back to me and then I see him again and he said that his phone broke and thats why he was not able to text me and such and then a few days later I see him again and it was a brief “hi” and “bye” exchange. I am hoping he is interested in me but I know deep down that he is not.

    He didn’t do anything wrong because I am a consenting adult and he did not promise me anything. I just wish I knew better. I am such a sensitive person. I guess you have to experience and learn in order to find out what works best for you. I know I will be seeing more of him since we go to the same college and have mutual friends and I don’t know how to go about it. I do not want to close that door completely since I am still interested in him. But at the same time we have made plans to hang out and he has flaked for almost all of them. I want to set boundaries and respect myself. So I am thinking of all the possible scenarios that can happen after this. Like if he tries making plans with me again I would want to let him know that he can’t keep flaking on me or to at least let me know if he isn’t going to follow through. And if he asks to have sex again I want to let him know that even though it was fun Im not looking for casual sex at the moment.

    Any advice on how to heal? I don’t want to have a pity party and dwell but this situation has taken up much of my thoughts and emotions.


    Feathering my nest

    Eeeesh sounds hard. 🙁


    ” I want to set boundaries and respect myself. ”

    This is good.


    Next time he tries to make plans – maybe explain that you do want to see him but don’t want to agree to plans because he flakes out?


    Its annoying how sex can complicated relationships. I’ve done casual but both parties were unequivocal and did not send out any mixed messages.

    Feathering my nest

    Sorry I mean just explain your reservations about it – setting a boundry in this regard.

    Lemmie know if I am not being clear…


    1. Let past be the past. Let’s not look into the sex you had with him previously as the main focus, since it is a consensual sex.

    2. If you still interested on him, let him come after you, sincerely. If he ain’t doing so, build up your self. Focus more on yourself. Hang out with other guys. You will eventually figure out he’s not the only one.

    3. If he asks to have sex again, reject his request. draw a clear line. Telling him you will only have sex with someone who is your boyfriend.




    I had been there 🙂 And I guess casual relationship is not for everyone.

    I think its good that you have realised that you should set boundaries and respect yourself. If you are thinking of the possibility of serious relationships I think it is even more important that you have to keep the boundaries! You could still go out with him if you wanted to know if he is genuinely interested, as long as you keep the boundaries and make sure it is loud and clear to him as well. If he is not interested, you will know and you have to let go.

    Let the past be the past and don’t feel that you had done something wrong, sometimes we made mistakes to understand ourselves more. Good luck there!


    Dear cranberry:

    My suggestion is that if he makes it possible for you, get to know him, learn more about who he is while not having sex with him.

    First, get to know a man, learn who he is, then consider a sexual exchange with the man.

    You already learned something about him, that he flakes out of plans he makes. This is valuable information. Because even if you do get him interested in a committed relationship with him, he will be inclined to flake out, to not keep his word. So maybe better not aim at a relationship with him at all…?


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