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  • March 9, 2014 at 9:34 am #52515
    tulips8
    Participant

    I want to kill myself.

    In the past month, I started going to AA meetings. My boyfriend and I got in a fight and he punched a hole through a wall. I found out he has been lying about continuing to talk to a woman he said he wouldn’t. My whole life is falling apart.

    I am obsessing, can’t eat and can’t sleep. I have given up on my dreams. I can’t get any work done.

    Please do not tell me to meditate or go for a walk. I want to scream and peel my skin off.

    March 9, 2014 at 9:50 am #52516
    Helen
    Participant

    Dear tulips8

    No matter how much you think your life is not worth living – it is! Please, just believe me. We are strangers, but all I want to say is, I know how you feel.

    Get some help – go to the hospital, go see a therapist. Get out of where you are right now, because it sounds like a violent environment. Go stay with friends or family if you can, someone or people who will support you right now. You and only YOU have the power to take life by the balls and live it! Do not give up, do not end it. Life is a beautiful struggle. Sometimes, it seems like it’s only a struggle, but it will get better, it will! I just hope you take these words to heart, because they come from the heart.

    If you just need to talk to someone, feel free to message me!

    Lots of love
    Helen

    March 9, 2014 at 10:37 am #52518
    Anyone
    Participant

    In no way this cheat deserves you! And for sure not your LIFE! You’re way too valuable and precious for your family and friends over this chap.
    Break off and move on. Just don’t waste any more time of yours….

    I agree with Helen, it would be great if you could get care and love from family and friends. You deserve it!

    Lots of love and light to you my dear…

    March 9, 2014 at 11:22 am #52521
    Jenna
    Participant

    Tulips8-

    First let me say I have been in your exact shoes and getting away from this person will make a mountain of difference in your life.
    Abusive relationships, whether physical or emotional, break who you are, but leaving him and finding support and love from friends and family will help you realize how strong you are and how much life has to offer you.

    You do not deserve to be treated this way and you will find that you are stronger than you think if you can separate yourself from this person.

    Finding a counselor to talk to will make a world of difference.

    And there are people in your life who love you and don’t want to lose you, so think of them while you are feeling so awful and down right now, and ask them for help. Please realize how important you are to so many people in your life and this person does not deserve the right to take you away from those who respect and love you unconditionally.

    March 9, 2014 at 12:29 pm #52529
    Skye
    Participant

    Dear Tulips,

    I’ve been in those shoes many a times before, and I ended up in a psyc ward 3 times for attempted suicide. In short it’s really not worth it. I couldn’t see any farther than the raging ocean of emotions that was right in front of me, and I still have days where I really hate my life. But there less extreme, and they’re very rare now. It sounds like your kind of in a crisis state of mind and it’s hard to get out of that so just focus on trying to calm yourself down. Take a shower and put some clean nice clothes on , self care goes a long ways. Do 90 in 90,and hell if you need more sit in a meeting all day if you have clubs where you’re at. Talk to old timers, and always talk to newcomers and I would suggest making some friends in the program with a year or so instead of spending time with a man who does not respect you 🙁 . You probably already know this but if you are trying to stay sober getting a sponsor makes a big difference. I’ve seen a lot of my friends avoid getting a sponsor, and they went back out.

    For me, personally, medication (wellbutrin) for depression and regular ol’ counseling has helped a great deal. There really is a light at the end of the tunnel, I am here to tell you that it DOES end. I never thought it would, I saw no point in continuing onward but I forced myself to push through a day at a time. I hope you can find some peace and a little light to hold on to

    March 9, 2014 at 7:23 pm #52535
    tulips8
    Participant

    Thanks for all your responses. I called my sponsor and AA folks walked me through this today. I went to 4 meetings and talked with people. They told me the first months of sobriety are full of emotion and insane ups and downs. I had no idea it would be this hard.

    The guy has compounded my recovery, so I am stepping away and back off from him. I can’t think clearly about all of that yet.

    Thank you so much. I will be okay, with help from here and my community.

    March 10, 2014 at 7:30 am #52574
    Helen
    Participant

    That’s great to hear. Life will get better, I promise! 🙂

    Best of luck to you, keep us posted.

    xx

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