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HELP Am I in a relationship but still in love with my ex? Cant figure it out!

HomeForumsRelationshipsHELP Am I in a relationship but still in love with my ex? Cant figure it out!

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Viewing 15 posts - 196 through 210 (of 290 total)
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  • #198627
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Happy face back to you, Jenny Lynn. Post anytime. I will be glad to read from you again and again.

    anita

    #201619
    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    Hi Anita!

    #201629
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Well, Jenny Lynn. It is April 10- move out date, isn’t it-

    what is going on?

    anita

    #201635
    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    I’ve been gone since the 31st like we originally discussed so I am not in  a different city living with my mom.

    Nothing much is happening I just am really coming to the conclusion of how done with Glen I am. I kind of need to vent it out to truly accept.

     

    #201639
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jenny Lynn:

    I am glad you are done with Glenn. I was hoping that you are and feared a bit that you were not. Do vent, tell me how it happened? And I am not clear: you are not staying with your mother, correct?

    anita

    #201643
    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    Well .to make the beginning short and sweet we had talked a few days before we moved out.

    Nothing really seemed to be getting anywhere and I was kind of feeling like he was trying to stone wall me back into the situation.

    You know he was on that “I cant be with you and not live together crap.”
    So I guess trying to reinforce that statement he kept waiting I guess for me to change my mind and tell him I wasnt going.

    That didnt happen. What did happen was I left and he is now in a different state working a traveling contracting job. I took him to the airport last Monday morning the vibe was “ok”

    Since then its just been tension!. Almost like he is bothered by not having control over me anymore so every time I talk to him we end up in a disagreement.

    We had a big blow up that just was literally all over the place. To the point where I was just like “ok…email the leasing lady and tell her the address you want your deposit to go to (cuz he was sending it to me)” and we basically were like “its done.”

    He went from a argument about social media, to talking about Hunt, to talking about Leo and then the entire conversation just erupted. in the end He basically said “Thank you for wasting my f***ing time” and that was the day before yesterday night.

    I just was over it.

    I thought about it all day yesterday and he just isnt the man for me.

    Regardless of the love…it doesnt matter.

    So I have this urge to kind of just purge him from my life as much as possble. but Idk why I have in the back of my head like I am going to “hurt” him. He doesnt give a F when he hurts me or my feelings.

    I changed all my password to my stuff. took him off my snapchat (he had already removed me because hes a child), hid my relationship status on facebook and want to delete all the pictures of us.

    I dont know why I feel anxious in saying it and doing it.

    But I also dont know why I hesitated. Like questioning myself like “oh wait a couple days” FOR WHAT??

    Because I am DECIDING in lucid frame of mind he is not the man for me, he makes me weak, our relationship feed off codependency, he does not bring out the best in me, he stresses me to the point where it physically effects me, I am not respected, and I am only heard at his discretion, he judges me, he doesnt trust me…I CANNOT BE WITH HIM. Its toxic its unhealthy.

    The conversation that occured Monday effected me so deeply because beyond all that occurs with us. He never could get to me in regards of changing my idea of reality. and the other day during this conversation I found myself that next day questioning who I was. If what I had done was “ok.” like he was now my judge and jury. The conversation was about my past. He was almost persecuting me for having “not” told him about me and Leo. (I am 100% positive I told him) but it gets brought up in this conversation and he acts like he never heard it before and so now that changes everything to him supposedly and that he would have left me a long time ago if he had know that etc etc.

    I really felt like wtf are you thinking….I have never questioned my past relationships and who I have chosen or not chosen to sleep with. I have never quantified it for a level of validation from anyone but especially the men I date. Its my past and it I dont have to justify it to anyone. That has always been my feelings. But this MF really had be questioning myself likeeee…”have i slept with too many people” “is there not enough distance between my partners” “am I …dare I say it..’hoe'”??

    And then I had to snap back to reality for a second and take a good look. I was picking myself apart about something that will NEVER change because its the past. and for what? for who? Hes not a virgin….Im not the only …or even 2nd person he has slept with. He needs to get off his fucking high horse and stop judging people….

    So that kind set this off. But I know I am weak for him…so I just have this intense urge to solidify my VERY SMART LOGICAL decision by doing something that not only prevent me from going back to him…but almost make him mad enough or get under his skin enough that he will not reach out to me again (i.e status, snapchat, deleting photos). ….which we know him he walked around in our damn house for almost a month without having a conversation sooo but you never know…this is when people like to surprise you smh smh

    So I am sure. Nothing is changing or getting better and I cant deal with it. I dont have to. Regardless of my transgressions I am too damn nice and can do better and be with someone who treats me better.

     

     

     

    #201645
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * double posting. I wrote what is below before I knew you posted the above. Will leave the below as is, read what you posted and reply again.

    Dear Jenny Lynn:

    I wrote above that I am glad your relationship with him is over because of  his serious, heavy duty anger problem. His anger is not  something you created. Not something you were responsible for and there is nothing you could have done about it.

    He was angry before you met him and he directed it at you, making your  life miserable. I don’t see any way that this would have changed. Nothing you could have done differently and nothing you could ever do to change that.

    He got angry and he stayed angry and that was it.

    You might feel miserable now. While living with him you had hope once in a while, and that hope kept you going. Now, without that hope, you might be feeling depressed. You also have some good memories and we do tend to get nostalgic, remembering the good moments in isolation, without the misery all around those moments.

    But now that you are not with him, at least you have the chance for a better life. You have the chance to meet a decent man who is not stuck in pre-existing anger, a man who is not intent to punish you every time his old anger gets triggered.

    You have a chance to have a relationship where you are not going to be stuck being in the wrong, accused of being in the wrong.

    I hope you have faith in a better future regardless how it feels now.

    anita

    #201649
    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    Yes I am trying to look at it that way. I really am. I just have to understand;

    1. He wasn’t going to change for me.

    2. I couldn’t stay if there was no change

    3. What he thinks of me doesn’t matter

     

    #201651
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jenny Lynn:

    In no way were you unfaithful to him. You were dedicated to him. How rude of him to tell you that you wasted his time (and not for the first time, him telling you that). You were a good partner to him. He was not a good partner to you. He punished you for whatever happened to him before he met you. You didn’t do that to him.

    His anger about your past, it really is (again, my point) about his past. The problem in the relationship all along has been his past, not your past.

    You so very much deserve a better man. You now have the chance to meet and get involved with a better man. Make sure that better man does not punish you for his past, pay the price for what you had nothing to do  with, for crying out loud.

    anita

    #201653
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jenny Lynn:

    Regarding:

    “He wasn’t going to change for me” and  “I couldn’t stay if there was no change”- the logic is clear.

    “What he thinks of me doesn’t matter”- what he tells you that he thinks of you is meant to hurt you. This is what anger is about, trying to hurt someone. Look at other animals- when an animal gets angry it is motivated to fight, which means to hurt the object of their anger. Glenn is no different than any other human and any other animal that experiences anger: he is motivated to hurt the object of his anger.

    So what he says he thinks of you is meant to hurt you, that is why he says the things he does.

    anita

     

     

    #201655
    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    That what he will preach till he dies and I guess I will let him.

    He says the Hunt thing was cheating

    He saw I searched Leo once on social media he saw it in my search history. He felt like that was a slap in that face….(But if you ask every woman 16-35 and has access to social media..its just something we do)

    He sees me “not” telling him about Leo as me withholding the information that I guess would have set him free a long time ago I guess smh..all I can do is shake my head.

    He literally said all of my transgressions against him are worse than what he has done because my things involved other people and his didnt.

    You know one of the last things he said to me when we were having this argument before it went left and he made it all about me and not being trustworthy….I had called him 3 times that day anita..10am/4pm/5pm I text him like I have been calling you all day. You know what he says…”you only called 2 times” I say..uhh well heres the screen shot of my call log AND since you are informing me that you saw my calls what?…2 isnt enough…he said I just looked…but no 2 isnt enough….

    I was like dog….what the fuck is wrong with this man. Like literally what the fuck

    I said compared to what none? He hasnt called or text me first since he has been gone but has the nerve to feel wronged and ignored and like he isnt getting attention or the same attention he used to get. From whatever factory he made that crap up in.

    I was like do you even hear what you say when you say it.. the shit sound insane. He literally sounds crazy. I still cant speak on him filterless. But damn it man. Its like he says things that are completely illogical and then gets mad at you when you dont see things his way.

    “I am mad your not showing me attention”

    “I called you 3 times”

    “That isnt enough”

    WHATTTTTTTTTTTT? There is no longer any way to cope with it in my mind.

    #201659
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jenny Lynn:

    Like I said again and again, his anger has nothing to do with you in reality. He has serious anger from his past, from before he met you.

    How often are people victims of people prior anger? A whole lot. You were and are just that, his victim, a recipient to his anger that pre-existed you in his life.

    This kind of anger doesn’t go away. It is a shame there is no  warning sign attached to him, in red letters, saying: ANGER HERE. So another woman is about to be hurt soon enough, not knowing what is to come, just like you didn’t know.

    anita

    #201665
    Jenny Lynn
    Participant

    Yeah people like that rarely change or find someone they find “worthy” of that change.

    They just end up finding someone who tolerates it all.

    I bow out. I am not strong enough to self sooth thru his anger the rest of my life.

    There is probably someone who is either strong enough,…or weak enough to fulfill him. It isn’t me though.

    I’ve quantified the time we spend together in regards of a normal relationship….

    I have spent everyday of the past year and 2 months with him….

    453 days…minus when I wasnt at work or sleep. That leaves 8 hours a day consumed with him…and us…

    8 hours a day for 453 days is= 3624 hours.

    The average couple only sees each other 2-4 times a week. Ranging thru a 1-2 sessions at first dating, 2-3 continuing on, and then 4 sessions leading up to the year mark where researchers say most couples see each other every day. So for upwards of 3 hours to possibly to a night cap couples are spending time together.

    So in 1 year the average couple has spent (going with median 4 hours per session and a average sliding scale of the dating time) around 600 hours together. Then that subsequent year mark where seeing each other everyday starts that totals 1460 hours a year…..

    So in respect to the rough scale I just made my relationship felt like almost 3 and a half years.

    Now that is something to sink your teeth into.

    It was all just too much.

    #201667
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jenny Lynn:

    I want to read your recent post with a fresh brain, which I hope to possess in about 16 hours. Will reply then. Take good care of yourself, please.

    anita

    #201669
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * didn’t reflect under Topics

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