Okay ttyl.

Wow all that crunched into one passage is a lot of feeling all at one time.

I am seeing the idea you were outlining.

So I guess that’s what I do next. I’ll look into that.

I see what your saying, sometimes I do find myself in thought wondering what my limit is, and is it him that pushes me there?

The one thing that really did catch my eye within your post was you said you searched “Is he good for me” I find myself in thoughts of constantly trying to differentiate between “someone who is good to me..someone who is good for me”?

I still have no answer to that.

I was recently watching this Oprah interview with her and Reese Witherspoon and they talked about basically the levels in which you allow your lines to be crossed just because a person doesn’t physically do something to you.

Sometimes I do feel like I allow him to bring me out of character because what he does is tapping on over the line. Sometimes I do feel like I say sorry more than I really should or have to chock up a grievance of mine up as a loss to just keep the piece.

Another thing you said was about how you were so focused on fixing the two of you that you no longer had energy to consistently focusing on yourself.

He has asked me, what would I do if I didn’t have to project my energy towards us. I told him in half a second no hesitation; my health.

I gained a lot of weight and its not that I can’t lose weight and live a health lifestyle with him. Its just that I need a consistent positive environment to produce change. His wishy washy moodiness stifles that. Because I care for him so I absorb his mood and usually he is mean when he’s mad so that usually ends up making me upset, angry, what ever and I no longer can focus on what I need to have a efficient complete day. Like if for 2-3 days straight you are eating healthy, getting in your water, enough sleep, good sleep, no stress, then BOOM he’s mad on Thursday he manages to drag it out long enough that when you get home now you don’t want to cook. Or you argue for hours now its 12am and you don’t get enough sleep. Or even just the general stress that comes with waking up in the space of someone with a attitude.

Thats a very frustrating quality: How dedicated he is to staying upset. Or at least that is what it seems like to me.

In my head I literally don’t have the time to stay mad over an hour…2 tops. But he can literally stay mad for days if I let him.

In our relationship I would say of 100%

35-40% conflict (down from 60-55%) and of that 35-40%  I would say 80% of that are things he is upset about.

With his 80% I would say only about 30% of the time he will say what you did to actually upset him.

Overall, typing this his communication level is just novice. He literally says “Talking doesn’t solve anything/ Talking doesn’t mean anything/ Words mean nothing” etc.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Jenny Lynn.

Anita you know were buddies now. 🙂  Of course I’ll be back. Look at me I’m  here now.

You can read my above passage?

I feel like if you think he was Toxic or emotionally abusive you’d probably have said something by now tho.

Okay yeah I understand.

Anita…….

I think you have a pretty good understanding of my logic. SO! the fact that you think me and Glen are compatible is great and he is ok and I am ok is also GREAT. I am glad that a person who I can speak openly with knows the majority of issues we have & can leave me with an optimistic opinion on that topic.

But what if…I hadn’t told you everything he does….

I don’t want this share to seem like self sabotage…”Like do you want him cuz its seems like your trying to find a reason to keep talking about it or him”

I just  want to be honest, so that your opinion is actually backed by what really goes on. Because even though I read your opinion like “yeah that’s great” in the back of my mind I think well would that change if she knew ____. Its like If I speak it into existence and you tell me something I don’t want to hear…Then it will be true and it will be that; immediately I will be responsible for the position I am in.

I don’t know… its scary. But its scarier to feel like I don’t know what is “Ok” or I cannot decipher it thru him.

I would like to tell you these couple of other things that Glen does. I would hope you would say that you still feel the same way about it or give me some insight on ur opinion about them…but I am fearful that you will say, what I say is not okay and I have either absorb that and live with that or do something about it.

He has been going thru my phone lately trying to find stuff to bait me into conflicts. Like I am sure he hopes he doesn’t find anything but for example the other day he had looked thru my phone. I had company at the time so I don’t really know what he was doing but the next day I was on snapchat. (hopefully you know what snap chat is) and he looked over at me and said “Oh shoot I got to make sure I look to see who is watching your snap. Use that for comparisons”

Also I saw Leo in my search history on Facebook messages and I didn’t do that. So I know he did, I guess looking to see if he had contacted me since the Sunday before last at dinner when he saw me.

He woke me up in the middle of the night asking me questions and stuff about a dude which in 80% sleep, I barely remember the questions but it ended up being about Leo. He looked thru my phone and saw I searched his page on Facebook. He got mad and asked me why I looked him up. I said just because, no reason, I am just nosey I guess. Nothing more, nothing less. He was pissed though

I bought a bathing suit over the summer because I needed a new one the others were too small right. This was prob July. I went swimming at my friends house and then a month or so later me and him went out of town and I was looking for the bathing suit while I was packing and couldn’t find it. Now I am not the most organized closet keeper so the fact that I couldn’t find wasn’t weird it was just annoying so I said screw it. We went on the trip and I told him about it and he was just as “oh crap” about it as me. But then probably 2 months later I was looking in my closet. I was looking for these pens that I knew were in this box I had from my previous job that I put my old desk things in. I Hadn’t had this job since June so no reason for me to be in there right….The bathing suit was in there.

I had a condom box on my side of the bed and one day he got mad at me and hid the condom box and then didn’t answer his phone for 1-2 hours.

I told him the day that me and him started dating and being in a relationship in the midst of a argument. He also asked when me and John broke up I told him. Its been over a year Anita so I remember never seeing him again. He goes thru my phone and get in my friends messages looking up guys names he knows I know. John comes up in a message with a friend of mine a month after I broke up with him saying “Sitting here with John, wyd” to my friend. This unfortunately for me was after the date I had just told Glen I didn’t see him again. I had to think about it like WTH I don’t remember that. After I thought about it though, me and John broke up over a phone conversation. We didn’t speak for a month and then after a month I don’t remember who hit up who but; we decided we needed to have a conversation in person about what happened. That’s why I was there. We talked about what happened. Established we were not getting back together and I did NEVER see him again. Now keep in mind I said “SITTING here with John,…not sitting on John, not laying with John.” You get my point! and my next message was “But he isn’t about to take up too much of my time so what you want to do.”

his reaction to this is to just read the first message and call me a liar. But to me it was like, a lie isn’t a lie if I didn’t know it was a lie. But furthermore WHY DOES IT MATTTTTTER! I had know him for 2 weeks the last time I saw John. I had no loyalty to him. I barely knew him. He says oh well you shouldn’t be saying dates if they not true. Fair enough…But he brings it up when it suits him…

I have a really old Ipad. 2012 generation with ALOT of old memories that happened to be broken/frozen for the past 6 or months. Well I fixed it and per this example… Me and Glen have had a interaction about a guy we are going to call Rick. Rick and me talked for a while. Rick really REALLY cared about me. He just did the wrong things and we just wasn’t meant to be. BUT we clicked like clack. It ended with a issue of course but, over all its good memories. Its just when you get to the bad ones. smh

So one day we saw him in a store…Rick knows not to speak to me per our last conversation. He speaks anyways I look up and I smiled and then realized I aint smilling at him! and just nodded and went back to what  I was doing in the store. Glen asked who he was. I told him…..flash forward to Ipad.

I have photos and videos of me and Rick on there. He literally goes through all the photos on the Ipad and then proceeds to watch 2!!! 10 minutes videos of me and Rick that we used to make when we would hangout just making jokes and stuff nothing weird or gross. But he asked me if me and him did anything I said no we kissed 2 times. That’s it. I was 19 at the time and in these videos I was pretty intoxicated with the guy that I did in fact have a crush on. So Rick says something about “what else I can do with my mouth” I didn’t say ANTHING…I just stuck my tongue out. It was a JOKE! But! After a thousand photos, watching both videos and still watching he hears that… pauses the video and in a ahhahh! moment puts it down like “okay.” Almost like ‘my point is proven.’ Walks OUT OF THE HOUSE to now leave and go do something. I was LIVIDDDD! because I didn’t do anything and you’re just going to take that context of a video and a guy you don’t even know and now construct as if I am lying???!!! WHAT!! I was out done.

Sometimes he will comment on how many showers I have taken. Like straight up would get a attitude or question me when I take 2 showers in a day. That’s usually the quickest one to get past in conversation because I literally SHUT IT DOWN like we aren’t even having this conversation right now. I am a whole adult and after the second part of a inquiry about a shower I feel like I am getting questioned about my showers and we not doing that AT ALL!

Last thing is, I don’t know how, when, or why. I don’t know what the “line” is between checking up on and WATCHING someone. But I find that sometimes he just has more information that I remember giving him or didn’t give him at all. For instance the other day we were texting in the morning and he told me that “you didn’t move your car/you left your car” something. I was like “huh” based on what I know he knows. But THEN I realized that I left my car parked in a handicap at my job because I was bring in some food and forgot to move it.

Before that he has told me like “oh I usually don’t tell you when I drive by type deal.” I’ve went home early and not say anything and he will text me like he already knows that I am home.

At my other job I clearly remember these weird times where he would literally watch me. It would piss me off really because at this job I had to walk two blocks to the parking lot and it was Mid may-june. At the beginning I knew he was going to be downtown and as I walked out the building I looked over and I saw his car. I walked up we smiled, so cute whatever. Then I would get in and he would drive me to my car..nice right. Then it went from that to I would get out of the building start walking and he just appear when I am almost at my car and sometimes be mad I hadn’t called him yet. Or before he literally waited til I was in the car and turned out to pull up next to me and tell me I didn’t call him yet. When the phone would literally be in my hand about to while I sat at a red light 5 feet from the parking lot I had just exited.

Lastnight he said some crap about the locks. He left and locked the bottom lock on just the doorknob. There was a package so I opened the door and relocked it with both locks. I didn’t leave the house yesterday though I was busy baking for Vday. When he came in one of the first things he said was “whats up with the lock?” I was like what? He said “why you lock the deadbolt?” I said because it reflex…like I am not EVEN understanding at this point what he is insinuating. Girl! The package was part of his Vday present I had sitting on his side table when he came in. That’s when he spills it and says oh this is why the door was locked. *After opening and blah blah blah* he say oh where did you go to get this?. I was like Amazon it was the package we missed this morning. But in the back of my head I am like are you tracking when and when I did not leave the house by how many or which lock is locked when you get back because he knows I don’t pay attention to stuff like that. To then get to ask me about it to see if I lie or something? & SO! if I hadn’t had some reason to have had that lock-locked I.E the package I basically would  have been a liar in his head. Because he is thinking I left.

Also in his head he thinks the Hunt situation on my birthday was cheating on him…(I’m interested in your opinion on that)

But yeah that it really. He doesn’t yell or call me names. It is more a silent treatment type of person when he is upset. But he does say some not nice things when I make him talk when he is upset. “Like I am wasting his time” a context of what does and doesn’t matter.

Oh yeah that reminds of the last thing; that honestly as far as just actions are concerned really makes me want to kill him sometimes in the moment (not really) but he hangs up the phone on me. Also can be associated with I guess walking away from me in conversation. When he feels like I am “talking in circles” or *enter* his definition of “time being wasted” he just hangs up the phone. Sometimes he will answer when I call back. Sometimes I have to call back a couple of times and I guess it annoys him so he answers. Sometimes he answers and then hangs up again…the conversation usually doesn’t last much longer after that because he is mad and so am I. But in person when he walks about it escalates into really long drawn out interactions. The gag is he hates when I talk for 2-3 hours and we go back and forth about both our perceptions….but you don’t find letting me say the end of my sentence for 30 seconds-1min was a ‘waste of your time’ so you walk away PROVOKING the actual true waste of your time which is about to be this 3 hours of words I have to talk at you.

So yeah. That’s it. I will be awaiting your response.

Oh wow! yeah I am here.

Oh my. Just…Oh….

I don’t really know what I expected you to say though.