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Help–leaving me on the hook i think

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This topic contains 50 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 2 weeks, 2 days ago.

Viewing 6 posts - 46 through 51 (of 51 total)
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  • #344828

    Anonymous
    Participant

    Such a wise person you are. I really appreciate your observations. This has given me much to think about during this time, especially during quarantine. I’m planning on diving a little deeper into who that little girl is and what I can learn or help her with….

    Did you have any advice on how I should handle this man, should he come back around? Let’s say he starts messaging me again, or asks me to dinner. Would you agree with what I’ve said above, about staying strong in my values and clarity with what I want and need? And just simply being aware that he’s not the most honest man to deal with? Certainly he COULD be wanting to heal his own issues and learn (as he admitted he should go to therapy—which I supported of course clearly he needs it, as I’m sure I could use some as well) as time goes on… but I suppose I’ll just need to stay strong and aware. And DEFINITELY be more open to other men out there!

    #344836

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Anonymous:

    “he admitted he should go to therapy”- maybe he was honest about it, maybe he was not. He could have said that to you because he thought it is something you would like to hear him say, something that will draw you to him. Like I wrote to you earlier today, it is hard work to figure out what of what he says is true, what is part true and what is a complete lie. And there is no reason to work so hard, because overall he is not an honest man, so better not get involved with him personally.

    Because you have friends in common and you live in a small town, if I was you, I would tell him that you are not interested and will not be interested in any interaction with him privately. That when you see him in public/ with common friends, you will be cordial to him and you expect him to be cordial to you. Don’t open this for a conversation, don’t ask him anything, don’t negotiate, just tell him in a confident tone of voice and make it as short as it needs to be.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 3 days ago by  anita.
    #344870

    Anonymous
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I was giving this entire thing more thought in regards to myself as well. I was not completely open and honest with him from the beginning either. I chose not to communicate my feelings throughout this entire time until recently. So in a way, would you say I also wasn’t being honest? So perhaps HE could also view me as not a very “honest woman” as well?

    Thank you for your advice. Unfortunately, he already thinks we are friends and I’m open to communication because we’ve messaged on social media since that big conversation, and I still gave him friendly vibes. (not about anything of importance, just about the COVID stuff) This is before I came to ask for your advice. I think somewhere in my mind/heart I was feeling like “oh! I can just be friends with him, no big deal. we both have a lot to work on within ourselves”. But perhaps complete separation and zero contact/avoidance is what’s actually necessary. At least for a long time? Until I can get stronger within myself. Right now I just feel so weak, maybe because of this whole pandemic stress, i’m not sure. But I’m definitely just not feeling strong and grounded, how I know myself to usually be.

    #344888

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Anoynmous:

    His dishonesty is independent from you not have been “completely open” with him. You not being completely open with him does not equal dishonesty. Honesty does not mean to confess to someone everything that ‘s on your mind and heart- your thoughts and feelings are your private property, you don’t owe anyone full disclosure.

    If I was in a relationship with him (and I wouldn’t be), but if I was because of some kind of a..  quarantine, I wouldn’t be open with him at all. It is not a good idea to be open with a person who lies to you and pretends to be what he is not.

    I understand you feeling stressed, weak and not grounded. And I understand that because of this stress and all, you may communicate with him on social media. It’s not a terrible thing if you do, and you can tell me about it, if you do and I will not at all give you any kind of a hard time for it. I just hope that you will keep you will practive the required social distancing from him, six feet/ 2 meters!!!

    And post here anytime.

    anita

     

    #345226

    Anonymous
    Participant

    Thank you Anita! Loved your post, I needed that laugh about staying 6 feet away! I’ll certainly be avoiding him as much as I can, on social media also. I’m dedicating the quarantine to do everything I can to obtain inner peace and move forward. I already felt so much energy today, and I believe it’s because this guy was weighing me down. The second I chose to let go, I started feeling so inspired and hopeful for myself and my future. 🙂

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 2 days ago by  Anonymous.
    #345232

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Anonymous:

    You are welcome. It is freeing when we free ourselves from people how weigh us down. You will not always feel “so inspired and hopeful”, and when you don’t feel this way, remember how it felt, and you’ll get a some of this feeling back.

    anita

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