Home→Forums→Relationships→Help me figure out if she’s playing me or not?
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Anonymous.
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June 1, 2021 at 6:20 am #380805
AnonymousGuestDear Jack:
I am glad to read that you had such a magical, blissful experience with your girlfriend. I hope that you treat her well and that she treats you well. Keep the communication between the two of you honest and simple, best you can.
anita
June 1, 2021 at 7:49 am #380811
TeeParticipantDear Jack,
really glad that you had such a blissful experience and deep bonding on every level, at it seems. I concur with anita’s words – be good to each other and try to communicate honestly and openly.
Wishing you all the best!
June 3, 2021 at 5:09 am #380911
JackParticipantSo recently she mentioned indirectly that I don’t text her too much.
So I decided to write a note reading “Thinking of you. Have a nice day” and slipped it under her door.
A couple hours later she came to my door and asked if it was from me, and she hugged me and said “That was so cute”. I could tell she was really happy, she had a big smile and was blushing.
It’s so effortless…
June 3, 2021 at 5:55 am #380912AnonymousGuestDear Jack:
A small effort- writing her a note and slipping it under her door- made a big difference for her, it made her happy that day. Your post is a good reminder for everyone reading: that making small efforts for people (not only in the context of romantic relationships, but in all context of interacting with people)- can make a big difference in their day.
anita
June 3, 2021 at 6:23 am #380914JackParticipantThanks @anita,
Yeah, and that’s why I don’t think there’s any need to be texting all day and everyday.
I won’t lie, I was wondering if I should not send it to her, but I thought what the hell, it won’t hurt, and her reaction said it all.
June 3, 2021 at 8:28 am #380917AnonymousGuestYou are welcome, Jack
anita
June 3, 2021 at 11:09 am #380931TeeParticipantDear Jack,
that was a nice touch, and a very romantic gesture, specially nowadays in the era of electronic communication… I can imagine she was so happy and touched about it!
Yeah, and that’s why I don’t think there’s any need to be texting all day and everyday.
Definitely no need to text all the time, however if she’d like to hear from you at least once per day, I think you should humor her. She told you she’s anxious, so perhaps it would upset her if she doesn’t hear from you for an entire day?
June 4, 2021 at 8:20 am #380961
DonParticipantJack,
I’m just reading through you post and replies. I’m also glad that you’re feeling better about you anxiousness. There are a lot of factors involved with new relationships such as age, experience, family structure and more. Not to pull you back from your current bliss, I am curious about the above factors that I mentioned. Also, do not let sex sway your opinion for the future. Life and companionship will involve more than sex. I do hope that this will work out for the 2 of you, but keep an opened mind for your well being. I’m also curious if she’s been seeking “advice” from anyone or is it just you? Either way, good luck!!!
June 7, 2021 at 8:26 am #381144JackParticipantThanks for alll your posts so far.
I have been dishonest with you all, and I apologise. She has a boyfriend.
He knew who I was and my name as soon as she told him she had “met someone”.
He has still travelled to see her and has been here since Thursday last week. He’s here for 2 weeks, so will be leaving on the 17th (roughly).
There was a party last Friday, and she was all over me – flirting, touching me, laughing, chasing me around the flat… right in front of him.
I’m really sorry for not being honest with you from the start. As you can tell this is a really complicated situation.
June 7, 2021 at 12:04 pm #381153TeeParticipantDear Jack,
I am sorry things are complicated between you…
Have you talked about what’s going to happen with the two of you – is she going to leave him? How do you feel in this entire situation?
June 7, 2021 at 12:52 pm #381158JackParticipantThanks for being undertanding @TeaK…
I’m trying to play it cool and all, but I won’t lie, it is kind of hard.
I accept they’re sleeping together, I accept they’re going out on dates, and there’s nothing I can nor will do about it, because at the end of the day, it’s her choice whether she wants to leave him or not.
I’m actually half-expecting they’ll stick together, and she’ll probably tell me to back off – which I will.
The reason I think this is because: 1) He chose to come despite her telling him she’s “met someone”; 2) (Not sure if he knows or is suspicious of) We’ve slept together many times and gone on dates; 3) Based on 1 and 2 he clearly wants to make it work.
So all I can do, is wait until he goes back and see what she has to say about it. If she sends me a text, or tells me verbally, that she wants to stop – we’ll stop.
If she sends me a text saying ‘Hey, how are you?’ or anything along those lines, I will ask her to meet up and continue what we’re doing.
I’ve told her I’m only into something casual, though, so she must know it.
Other than all that, there’s nothing else I can do.
June 7, 2021 at 1:40 pm #381161AnonymousGuestDear Jack:
In May 27, you were worried that she is playing you (“she could be playing me”). Well, because she has a boyfriend and you knew it all along, it looks like you and her have been playing him.
“There was a party last Friday, and she was all over me – flirting, touching me, laughing, chasing me around the flat… right in front of him”- it is cruel of the two of you to do what you did.. right in front of him.
“If she sends me a text saying ‘Hey, how are you?’ or anything along those lines, I will ask her to meet up and continue what we’re doing”- why are you okay with hurting her boyfriend this way: is he less than human, does he deserve being mistreated this way?
anita
June 7, 2021 at 2:44 pm #381163JackParticipantAnita,
So what on Earth does she want? Is she just using me to make him jealous and step up?
We’re at a party right now, and she isn’t doing anything. Nothing like Friday night.
She must be using me right?
June 7, 2021 at 3:35 pm #381169TeeParticipantDear Jack,
I accept they’re sleeping together, I accept they’re going out on dates, and there’s nothing I can nor will do about it, because at the end of the day, it’s her choice whether she wants to leave him or not.
I’m actually half-expecting they’ll stick together, and she’ll probably tell me to back off – which I will.
Other than all that, there’s nothing else I can do.
You seem to leave all the decisions to her – whether she wants to stay with her boyfriend and break it off with you, whether she decides to keep cheating on him once he leaves, or whatever other arrangement she may choose. It’s all on her, and “there’s nothing else you can do”.
In reality, you could do a lot of things, specially since you say you’re just playing it cool, but in fact it’s hard for you. Which means you do have feelings for her, you’re not just looking for something casual, even if that’s what you told her.
One problem, as I see it, is that you don’t want to appear vulnerable, so you’re pretending it’s fine with you, whatever she chooses. But what would happen if you’d actually show that it’s not the same for you? What would happen if you’d tell her to choose between the two of you, or you can’t be with her?
So what on Earth does she want?
What do you want, Jack?
June 7, 2021 at 4:29 pm #381174AnonymousGuestDear Jack:
You asked me 3 questions: 1) “what on Earth does she want?”, 2) “Is she just using me to make him jealous and step up?”, and 3) “She must be using me right?”
In order to answer your questions best I can, I need to understand your story better. To understand your story, I need to ask you 4 questions. Following your answers to my questions, I will do my best to answer your questions:
(1) Your thread is about your relationship with a woman. For 11 days you did not reveal a detail that is very relevant to a relationship: she has another man in her life, a boyfriend. Why did you not reveal this 11 days ago?
(2) On one hand, “She.. doesn’t like PDA” (Public Displays of Affection), on the other hand, in a party last Friday, in public, and in front of her boyfriend, “she was all over me- flirting, touching me.. chasing me around”- so.. she is okay with PDA after all?
(3) On May 27, in your original post, you wrote: “We’ve been on 2 dates.. I would consider this a good sign”- a good sign for what?
(4) The title of your thread is “Help me figure out if she’s playing me or not?”- this concern that she is playing you is dominant in your thread, and it seems to me that you were already played by other women or other people in your life, and that’s why you are so afraid that she too is playing you. If I am correct, will you share about your past experience with being played?
anita
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