fbpx
Menu

Help!!! My boyfriend liked another girl while dating me??

HomeForumsRelationshipsHelp!!! My boyfriend liked another girl while dating me??

New Reply
Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #182533
    Katie
    Participant

    I am really going through some troubles. I love my boyfriend with all my heart we have been dating for 2 years and been through a lot. This hurts to type. Recently we have been having troubles and serious talks about breaking up, which has been hurting me a lot.

    Here is the story:

    Well, he is in college and I am in high school. His freshman year of college he met this girl who was a friend. He told me about her saying they are friends but people think they are together because they flirt. Weird… well, in the summer she always begged him to hangout and he’d be so annoyed (or seemed). We lived together in the summer so I’d see her texting him to hangout, and he’d reply saying “hey, I am going to the movies with my girlfriend I’m sorry” and she’d say “can I come? I want to meet her” so I didn’t think it was that weird. I still was a little suspicious though. I finally met her at a party and she said to me “oh my god hi!!! (boyfriend’s name) has told me so much about you! you are so pretty” and I thought she was so nice. Except for some reason, she’d always follow my boyfriend around at the party. I specifically remember my boyfriend being really drunk at this party, so he was all over me saying “I love this girl, she is so beautiful” (he usually says really nice things about me like that when he is drunk especially, and he always has his hands all over me). Well, he was all over me but she kept coming up to him saying “you promised you wouldn’t ditch me, I don’t know anyone at this party”

    He’d always say to me “oh my god she is so annoying she won’t leave me alone” and I did see that he seemed annoyed whenever she’d come around…

    She would always ask to hangout with him, so eventually she would end up hanging out with my boyfriend, me, and his friends. It’d be all of us. The girl even started hooking up with one of my boyfriend’s friends… I thought everything was normal! I thought “oh, I did think this girl secretly liked him because of how much she texted him… but now we are kinda friends after hanging out and she hooked up with someone else, she must not like him..” Then.. around September I started noticing weird things. My boyfriend would text me saying “oh my god… (her name) just tried to grind on me..” then I was like, there it is again. She is acting like she likes him again! But I thought “oh, well at least he is being honest about it with me” Then in October things got even weirder and he began to ditch me for her. Like, he’d take her to parties instead of me. There was a 2 week period where he seemed to be choosing her over me… and boy was I suspicious. I wasn’t sure what to think… I felt like it was weird but I also knew they were friends. Then after this period of 2 weeks he told me “she ended up admitting to me that she liked me, that she was jealous of you, that she regretted hooking up with my friend, etc so I told her we can’t be friends anymore and I dropped her” and I was like oh… ok. Then everything went back to normal. Never heard about her again. Until last night, I was drunk and was on my boyfriends phone. I saw that she had texted him recently about their macro final. I then continued to scroll up through their texts from months ago and saw things like this:

    Him: “you have been so mean towards me”

    Her: “I told you, I wouldn’t care if you brought your girlfriend. I know it may be weird for me but it doesn’t matter. we need to stop doing this. this isn’t right, we aren’t right for each other. Sorry I was grinding on other guys! you told me you wanted this to end! You told me to do what I wanted, so I did”

    Him: “okay cool”

    Her: “you are just not right for me. all you care about is a girl with a big butt. I have done everything for you!!”

     

    another conversation:

    Her: “hey I am going to be a housewife for halloween”

    Him: “who is your husband”

    Her: “I was going to ask alex or mike if they wanted to be it”

    Him: “wow…”

     

    What do I do.. I feel soooooooo much pain. I have felt pain because of our recent fights and talks about breaking up, now this. I confronted him about it immediately and he said “we didn’t have a thing, she thought we did. I dropped her for you!!!! I dropped her because I wanted you!” which I think is just a cover up. I don’t know what to do. I just sent him a bunch of texts pouring my heart out to him saying “I can’t do this anymore, I need happiness, if you don’t love me please do not lead me on anymore. I feel so much pain”

    His phone is dead so he hasn’t answered yet. Please help guys, I am hurt as ever. Why would he be texted her those things, they seemed to like each other. I mean… he did drop her for me. He did tell me that she was texting him being so upset. He told me everything EXCEPT for the fact that, well, he seemed to like her too!!!!! Help 🙁 I am so hurt please.

     

    #182535
    Katie
    Participant

    I am reading over this, and their conversations do not seem that bad. I do not remember completely 100% what they said because I read it quickly but believe me…. it seemed so clear to me by their texts that my boyfriend liked her.

    #182539
    Liz
    Participant

    If you were my daughter I’d would tell that your self worth is not dependent upon whether or not this guy likes you or not. I do understand your pain though. See if you can find the strength to be true to yourself. There’s a guy out there that would never treat you like this.. you just haven’t met him yet. Call a girlfriend and make plans to hang with her soon. I hope this helps.

    #182559
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Katie:

    When you confronted him, he said to you: “We didn’t have a thing, she thought we did. I dropped her for you!!! I dropped her because I wanted you!”-

    What did he mean by dropping her? A synonym for to drop is to discontinue. What did he discontinue with her?

    anita

     

    #182571
    Katie
    Participant

    Anita,

    He told me that he told her they couldn’t be friends anymore. He basically told me everything about how she liked him all this time and everything. The thing is, he told me this 2 weeks after she told him. Kinda funny right? I think during those 2 weeks where they would hang out all the time is maybe when she told him and then maybe they had a short thing. But he ended up telling me that he couldn’t be friends with her anymore.

    #182573
    Katie
    Participant

    So I guess they discontinued their friendship. That’s what he explained it as to me.

    #182575
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Katie:

    I understand: dropping her as a friend. Maybe he should be given some credit for being as young as he is, being flattered, I think he is, by this woman flirting with him, showing ongoing interest in him. So he flirted back. Way older man are flattered when a woman shows interest in them, including men who have loving relationships with life partners. Some times they flirt too, with their tone of voice, if nothing else, without noticing.

    Youthful indiscretion perhaps, as long as the flirting did not extend to the physical.

    anita

    #182587
    Katie
    Participant

    Anita: so should I forgive him, overlook this? I mean he did cut her out of his life, except she has texted him about school. When I read their recent texts it was just her asking him questions about school and him giving vague replies. The thing is, our relationship is still rocky and I just want to be good with him. We have been fighting a lot, which makes me think maybe I should just move on.

    #182589
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Katie:

    You were fighting a lot over the other young woman or are there other issues? Describe a typical fight, who starts it, what do you say and do, what does he say and do and how does it end?

    anita

    #182601
    Katie
    Participant

    Anita,

    Something important I need to add is that actually during the time that he seemed to be liking this girl, we were fighting. I felt like he wasn’t giving enough effort in the relationship and so I started the fight. I remember I was trying so hard to fight with him and get a reaction out of him but he remained calm. This made me angry so I started saying horrible, horrible things. I said such horrible things he broke up with me. I understood, I said such  mean things out of anger. Well, my assumption is that when we were broken up, he may have been hurt that I said those things and maybe looked to this girl to feel better. A little bit after we got back together is when my boyfriend told me she had liked him and that he dropped her. That is when things went back to normal between us. And now, our fights are started by him. He kinda says what I am saying, that I do not give enough effort. That is what our fights are centered around now. But the thing is…. everyone who I ask says I should leave him. So I have been making efforts at doing so. Should I leave him? I honestly wish he was more open with me, then it wouldn’t be a guessing game for me. He has never been open about his emotions. Maybe I need to talk with him in person… but I don’t know. I hate it. I hate how unhappy I am right now. He is so bad at helping me to understand what to do.

    #182613
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Katie:

    It was wrong of you to start fights with him, to engage in fights with him, to try to make him angry, to say horrible things to him… and so, if you intend to, or feel it is okay to be verbally abusive to him,  then yes, you should break up with him for his benefit, to protect him from you.

    You wrote that currently he starts fights with you. I don’t know what his fighting consists of?

    Will be  back to the computer in about sixteen hours. Again, if there continues to be abuse between the two of you, the relationship should end ASAP.

    anita

     

    #182771
    Katie
    Participant

    Dear Anita:

    I realized that this was just 1/100 instances where my boyfriend was not faithful. Honestly, that is the least of my problems. I probably will never know what happened with this girl. I have talked to him recently about this and he explained everything. It made sense. This problem is the least of my worries now, I am not worried about it. What I am worried about is that he is abusive emotionally and I have been dealing with it for 2 years. Please help me. I broke up with him today (kinda). I have never really realized my worth before until now, but I understand there really is no changing an abusive guy unless he chooses to change and that I also do not deserve this. I simply told him, “I love you but I can’t keep doing this.” and I explained that I have tried everything but I can’t stay if I am unhappy. He really seems to not be understanding me. I didn’t expect him to understand. Now I am going through extreme heartbreak. I was fine earlier as I felt powerful and finally felt I knew the truth about myself but I just woke up from a nap and reality is starting to kick in. Part of me feels as though he will change when he realizes I am gone for good, for some reason I am holding on to that hope that we still have a future because he will change. There is a reason I always post on this site (and others) and it is because I love him and I am trying to make it work. I read articles, talk to counselors, I just wanted it to work but it is not going to. I just need some advice. Sorry if I sound all over the place because my mind is. I just need some words of advice to keep from feeling the depression that comes with losing him. I just wish he would change for me but that’s not for me to decide.

    #182813
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Katie:

    How has he been “abusive emotionally” to you, specifically?

    anita

Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.