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Help on moving on and post break up analysis

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  • September 8, 2020 at 4:13 pm #366383
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I agree with you. The most important part is that, the lines of communications between you and him have been mutual, open and accepted. You know your boundaries and you know how to deal with this maturely. Stalking/harassment is easily thrown out in verbal context these days and in forms of writing, which shouldn’t be taken lightly. So when Anita mentioned it, it’s very important that you thoroughly understand the acts/behaviors of it. Especially defamation of character, so take what she said lightly, according to your situation but be aware of the definitions of them, in case you made need to know the signs in the future.

    September 8, 2020 at 4:15 pm #366384
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Mia:

    I will be able to read your recent posts and reply when I am back to the computer, it may be as long as in 14 hours from now.

    anita

    September 8, 2020 at 4:22 pm #366385
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Most of us have been to a counselor/therapy at some point of our lives. Many of us know the tools on how to deal with things rationally and maturely now by a certain age, with keeping healthy boundaries in place. Some people suffer so deeply, that they desperately need professional help every now and then or even regularly and I respect that. Personal choice.

     

    You will be just fine and you seem to have a very good head on your shoulders. You know what’s right for you and you have gotten a lot of excellent insight and advice, now you can take the wheel.

     

    Enjoy you evening hun and don’t stress too much.

     

    September 8, 2020 at 4:32 pm #366386
    Mia
    Participant

    Marie:

    I see. Thank you. Yeah, I definitely don’t want to cross the boundaries. As soon as he never replied to my text message from last week, I got the hint. It’s also why I really deleted everything this time so I really don’t have any means of reaching out. I’ll definitely keep in mind stalking/harassment in the future.

    September 8, 2020 at 4:40 pm #366388
    Mia
    Participant

    Thank you, Marie. Today has been another day of a lot of crying. I usually have a cool head when I’m not overwhelmed with emotions, but when I let my emotions control me, bad things always happen. Bad things that I end up regretting. I’d like to believe that I really did try my best at the given time and situation. The breakup didn’t happen cleanly when it could have, which I wish would have been different… but it has happened. And there’s not much else I can do to change that.

    I also need to learn to be kinder and easier on myself.

    September 9, 2020 at 7:52 am #366434
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Mia:

    You shared the following about emotions and your family (minor grammatical corrections are included): “Emotions are a bad thing in our family… We never talk about emotions… me and my siblings would just hold everything in until we erupt in anger and call each other names”, “Emotions were usually punished. When I would cry when I was young, my dad would yell at me and my siblings and possibly even hit us with a belt. ‘Why are you crying?! There’s nothing to cry about! It’s embarrassing.'”.

    You can learn to express your emotions soon after they first show up, way before they build up and erupt: hat way, they will not build up and erupt.

    You can learn to cry without feeling scared to cry, or ashamed to cry. You can express your anger in self-disciplined, non- abusive ways.

    You can learn that all emotions are okay to experience, and that you can express all of them in ways that help you and others, instead of in ways that hurt you and others.

    I hope you continue to have therapy sessions with a competent therapist (in person is better than online, if safe and possible), and that you will share your own words (my quoted above) with your therapist.

    anita

     

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