So, as I’ve previously mentioned in my topic “how do I not rely on my new boyfriend too much?” I have been with him for almost three months. And from the beginning he has had a very sarcastic and sometimes sharp sense of humor, that I like. But lately it seems that all he wants to do is provoke me. Yes, I might be over sensitive right now cause I have anxiety and depression problems, which he knows about, but it’s just the constant provocation that makes me lose it…

So tonight I got a little “crazy” because we were supposed to hang out. And usually it’s him who contacts me when he’s out of work. But I texted him and didn’t get any response for more than one and a half hours, which is pretty uncommon. Also, it was already pretty late, so the chances of him working after 8 o clock are close to none. So I called, and called, and called about 10 times. Meanwhile, a good friend of mine called me to hang out in the city. Not knowing whether my boyfriend was gonna show up soon, I asked her if she could come to my place (and also cause I’m sick). Silly, because I should have just made my plans, regarding he hadn’t texted or called me back yet. When he finally picked up I was a little pissed, cause I really don’t like feeling like I’m running after someone. He came to my place to cook after and I asked him “Did you really not look at your phone between 6 and 8.30?!” Cause I know him and he does check it quite often. And he responded: “No. So what you’re saying is that I am a liar?” Without even saying sorry for not looking at the phone when we obviously had plans, he pretty much put all the guilt on me.
So anyways, after all we all had dinner together. And during dinner he said (he’s Portuguese) “Well if you’re over 30 in Portugal you don’t make out anymore, you say “Hi” and then have sex.” And then I said, well your birthday is tomorrow so you can not know what that’s like. And he said, in front of my friend, as joke: “Well I will be 30 in Portugal”. (He’s visiting his family) And: “And so I will know. Cause I’m hanging out with David, who doesn’t care about cheating on his girl.” Of course my face turned sour and my friend said (he doesn’t speak german so he didn’t understand) “You guys are awfully nice to each other” of course ironically.

When she left I went to do the dishes, and he noticed I was pissed. I told him that for me it was humiliating that he had said something like this in front of my friend.
And I really do, I find it disrespectful and hurtful. Even if it’s just a “joke”. So we talked about it after I had cooled off a little and I just asked him “Why do you have to provoke me all the time? How is that positive? How is that love?” (Yes I know, very dramatic, but seriously…) And he said it was just meant as a provocation, as a joke and that I shouldn’t take things like these so seriously. And yes, on one hand he’s right. I take things too deeply, too seriously. But then he asked me: “Why were you so pissed about tonight? If you’re THAT attached to me it’s not good” And I tried to explain it to him. And he asked “Does this relationship bring you happiness” And I responded “Yes”, because it really does. Not always, but it does. And then when I was silent, trying to find my words he asked “So you wanna say this is the end?” And I started crying and getting so upset for him not trying to make things better, but just trying to push me into ending the relationship.

Anyways, we made up and I told him that’s just who I am and he did say that he was happy and it was ok.

But I wonder: is it all that innocent to provoke the person you’re in a relationship with so much? To try and punch a reaction out of them and when they get pissed, to get pissed at them?!

I just really don’t know what to do anymore. Please help me…

Namaste
Helen