Dear Samantha:

Maybe he is a man of his word and he doesn’t commit to a word unless he means it whole heartedly and then he is as dependent and honorable as can be. I don’t know. The speed in which the relationship is moving should be, I am thinking, a result of him and you moving it along, not only him.

The value of a relationship is not in a word or title a person uses, it is about the person using the word or title (or not using it). A dishonest person is always a red flag, no  matter the word he/s he uses. A word may or may not be a red flag depending on the person using it.

anita

Hi Samantha,

I wouldn’t worry about it. His friends and family have already pegged you as his girlfriend. You’ve been going out consistently with only each other for a while now. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if people are all like, “How’s yr. GF?” and he responds, “She’s OK.” It would be very adolescent for him to be all, “She’s not my GF! We’re just friends! Why would you think that?!”

When you bring it up as a question and not as a fact, you’re just making it worse.

Have someone ELSE introduce the two of you to a third party. i.e. “Pierre, this is Samantha and her BF Keith.”

If he doesn’t deny (he won’t) then BOOM! Cannon!!

Good Luck,

Inky

• This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Inky.

Hi Samantha,

As human beings we all want to feel “special” to someone and with that being said we validate that special feeling with a label (bf, gf, wife, husband, etc.) because labels help us to identify with where we stand especially within a relationship; however, labels do not mean that person can be trusted or that said person is in love with you. People get married and still are yet to have problems arise or lack love for another. It is a person’s actions that help define how they truly feel about you.

As you have described your bf, it seems to me that he is not ready to take on the commitment and responsibilities of what it means to be someones exclusive boyfriend. You have to respect his decision and his honesty as an individual. Try not to take his response as a negative or rejection. It is better to get an honest answer rather than him say yes to only give you what you want, but not necessarily mean it in his heart.

I personally allowed myself to stay stuck in a 5 year relationship where my bf only became my bf because that is what “I” wanted. I wanted validation, a label, to feel special to someone and becoming someone’s gf at the time is the only thing that made sense to “me” and so he did it for me. I do not regret this relationship being that we shared many friends, common interest, and I guess you could say young love; however, if I could have went back in time I would of remained his friend a lot longer before taking our relationship to the next level. Although, I was labeled his gf for 5 years he continued to see other people and do his own thing as a single individual would. I did not find out many of his transgressions until after the relationship ended; but one thing I did learn from all of this is to never rush the process of love. To always find validation is self before searching for it in another.

Aloha