Hi Christina,

When I read your post, I thought I wrote that. I am experiencing the exact same things right now. I have depression and I don’t have a family, so it has been very challenging. I am trying to convince myself “don’t give up” “be grateful”, “shift the focus”, but it’s difficult. I feel jealous of my friends too. I shouldn’t ask “why me?”, but I am at the phase where I keep ruminating on negative thoughts.

I’ve tried to become better for the last ten years and I tried almost everything, but I couldn’t recover as I wished.

I would like to hear what you used to enjoy doing when you felt better? Right now I don’t have energy to do anything, but I used to enjoy a lot of things; dancing, flower arrangement, yoga, swimming…. I am not telling you to try to do something, because I know how hard it is, even just to go to kitchen to eat something.

hi Christina, I relate to your story as well. I have just split up from my ex-husband (again) so it has been a difficult couple of years for me. I have again felt like I was at the lowest point in my life over the last couple of months as we were in the same house for 2 months until I could move out. this has been a difficult year for me.

I remember feeling totally stuck back in February, I couldn’t fix anything wrong in my life, couldn’t find new friends, couldn’t get my current friends to go out with me, I felt lost and out of control. but I then realised that I just had to start with something, so I made contact with someone I used to go running with and we met up, it didn’t work out but then I joined a local running club, that hasn’t worked out either in the end so I then joined a dance/yoga class and i’m loving it! it gets me through the week.

I don’t have a lot of good friends, but a few acquaintances that I meet up with once in a while. I am still working on that point, I’ve never been one for many friends. i’m trying to be understanding with myself that I have just been in a long term relationship and it takes time. but I am trying to spend my alone time appreciating myself and doing the things that I enjoy doing and its a nice feeling sitting on my armchair feeling content about the simple pleasure of just being. I still wake up feeling panicky or angry, but its just a process that though it sounds cliché, it gets better with time. I hope this is helpful, I wish you well.

Christina, moto, L, and Karen,

I’m sorry and deeply empathetic to the difficulties you are going through. It can be a challenge to maintain hope in this world, there are constant reminders why hopelessness makes more sense. So many angry, toxic and empty people. Love fading from peoples lives, including our own. It is tough to find hope!

Luckily for us, we have become aware of the lack of hope and are looking. Too many don’t even have that! The solution is actually far more simple than we can believe at first, so it takes a little faith. We become the hope we wish to see in the world.

It may sound cheesy or “yeah right” but it is true. We have the capacity inside us to generate hope. To dig deep into our hearts and find the spark… the potential seed within that we can nourish and watch grow. Its not magic (or not exclusively magic) but grounded in knowledge of others who have come before us, as well as scientific understandings of the brain.

The short version is we cultivate loving kindness. We begin wishing other people well, praying and focusing on their well being. As we sincerely wish for all people to find happiness, we begin to form a mental habit of wishing others well. So as we begin to encounter people, our thoughts are not “ugh, you are hopeless” but rather “May you be well, happy and peaceful.” We still see their qualities, but our mind responds differently. After a while of having thoughts such as “may you be well, happy and peaceful” we begin to have the feelings associated with them. First we intentionally say them, then we think them, then we feel them. Then we don’t even have to worry about hope, because we see that all people, including ourselves, are just suffering. By wishing us all to be whole and happy, our mind opens up and we become peaceful, hopeful, smooth minded, concentrated and aware.

I say this not from faith or a wild hope for humankind. I know it! I’ve walked it! Consider listening to the following and invest as sincerely as you can. Set aside the big questions if you can, and just try it. Even a week of doing this practice once a day could make a big change. Perhaps only a few moments at first, but the spark should be noticeable. Then eventually, with practice the spark catches flame, the door opens, and we find peace. Then the world looks like a very, very different place.

With warmth,
Matt