Forum Replies Created
November 8, 2013 at 4:41 pm #45027
hi kat, i’m sorry you’re feeling stuck and anxious, its not a nice feeling at all. I was in a similar position earlier in the year, just completely stuck and I had no idea what to do or how to get ‘unstuck’, but it came to me one day that the only thing I could do to get out of this feeling was to do something- anything. so I called up a friend and we started running together once a week, it sort of died down so I joined a running club, and then I thought i’d join a dance class, and then a yoga class. and though i’m still trying to find my way through the maze of life, i’m slowly getting unstuck. my point is though you’re not sure whether to go to college or try acting I think its just a matter of trying one thing and seeing if it works, then try another. at 18 you have your whole life ahead of you. I would love the chance to be that age again, I would’ve liked to have spent more time trying all sorts of things. good luck to you!August 19, 2013 at 2:05 pm #40767
hi britt, I have also just split up from my ex, and its been about two weeks of no contact. we split up a couple of months ago but we were still in the same place as I waited for my new place to be ready for me and I remember getting upset with him that he was showing off how happy life is and how he was enjoying himself, but then a few days later he would confess that he was feeling just as hurt as I was feeling, and I think its true. he just coped with the loss in his own way and he’s was coping and recovering in his own way and now that we’re not together anymore it really doesn’t matter how he’s choosing to move on in his life. I think its hard to take, but really he is no longer in a position to hurt me anymore, so it really is a new mindset, letting him go, giving him my blessing to be who he is and focusing on myself to make my own choices to heal myself and enjoy my life, not to hurt him or get back at him, but really because I am trying to move on in the best way for me. hope this is helpful 🙂August 19, 2013 at 1:55 pm #40764
hi sapnap3, your story sounds similar to mine. I haven’t counted the days of no contact, but is been about 2 weeks, not counting the quick note he sent with the mail he forwarded to me last week and that I saw him this week as we both drove past each other just out of chance. I am trying to be social but I have also realised that I feel better with myself than with others, though I try to meet friends once a week if I can. I did the clubbing and alcohol thing that my friends encouraged me to do and I realised that at the moment alcohol makes me feel sorry for myself and the noise of clubs is too much for me. I am naturally a quiet and introverted person, but at the moment i’m so sensitive that I crave the silence and peace even more now than before. im retreating into my own space and walking, running and journaling, and very much a loner. I’ve been here before, I think i’m just healing, so I think its a phase.August 17, 2013 at 3:19 am #40650
hi Christina, I relate to your story as well. I have just split up from my ex-husband (again) so it has been a difficult couple of years for me. I have again felt like I was at the lowest point in my life over the last couple of months as we were in the same house for 2 months until I could move out. this has been a difficult year for me.
I remember feeling totally stuck back in February, I couldn’t fix anything wrong in my life, couldn’t find new friends, couldn’t get my current friends to go out with me, I felt lost and out of control. but I then realised that I just had to start with something, so I made contact with someone I used to go running with and we met up, it didn’t work out but then I joined a local running club, that hasn’t worked out either in the end so I then joined a dance/yoga class and i’m loving it! it gets me through the week.
I don’t have a lot of good friends, but a few acquaintances that I meet up with once in a while. I am still working on that point, I’ve never been one for many friends. i’m trying to be understanding with myself that I have just been in a long term relationship and it takes time. but I am trying to spend my alone time appreciating myself and doing the things that I enjoy doing and its a nice feeling sitting on my armchair feeling content about the simple pleasure of just being. I still wake up feeling panicky or angry, but its just a process that though it sounds cliché, it gets better with time. I hope this is helpful, I wish you well.August 17, 2013 at 2:42 am #40649
hi Trixie-belle, I have also just split up from my ex. we lived together for two months after we split up until I could move into my own place. and I have now been in my new place for two weeks. after my first week he forwarded my mail to me and within it added a little note to say hope I was well (it was on a particular post-it that I gave to him) and other than that it has been two weeks of no contact. I said I wouldn’t speak to him or have any contact at all for at least the rest of the year, and a part of me thinks I won’t even contact him next year. though i appreciate the note it has also set me off and made me cry the rest of the afternoon so i’m sticking to my no contact rule.
no contact is extremely hard if you want to get back together with your ex, and even if you know things won’t work out again in the future its so hard to not be around or have any communication from someone you shared your life with. I would say if you have been in no contact for 3 months there are two possibilities, leave it and do you your own thing or send him one text just to clarify where you stand. but perhaps you can think about the things you really want and focus on those. do you still want to get back together? I wish you well.August 16, 2013 at 2:16 pm #40631
hi tinymoon, i want to be able to offer you some advice and support as i feel like i understand a bit of what you’re going through. i also moved to the uk in my early 20s and tried to pursue my passion which in the end didn’t work out and I’ve struggled so much with insecurity, indecision, procrastination, every negative emotion and its been so difficult. but all i can say is what’s helped me through is to just keep surviving for now, anything to get you up in the morning (as long as it doesn’t hurt you or others) and finding even one small positive thing in your day to cling onto, and in time you will find something to live for again and many things to be positive about. I say this as ive found myself alone and lost like I never felt before (as if ive been dropped in the middle of the ocean without the ability to swim) but after a period of time of surviving I found a natural rhythm and felt so much better and even happy.
what i like to tell myself: ‘when it feels like i dont know what to do with my life and i won’t go anywhere or achieve anything just remember small steps, anything to keep going is good and all you can do until something clicks’
i wish you well and happinessAugust 15, 2013 at 2:38 pm #40568
thank you sapnap3, buddhistwife and matt for your kind words, I will take on board your support and encourgament