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June 3, 2019 at 11:38 am #297201
angiParticipantHi everyone,
I can say it out loud, I’m an overthinker and sometimes I can overthink and worry even about the more crystal clear things, but I wish I could get your opinion on this precise question that is taking so much room in my head lately. For the majority of my life I’ve been feeling shy, out of place, with a sense of not belonging to the environment I grew up into. My family has always been a quite artistic and creative family and always pushed me to create art and spend time at the museums, but to be fair (and I don’t want to offend anyone here), I’m not interested in art. For a good part of my life I thought I naturally like it, because that was what I was pushed towards, all that I knew. But when i first started going to an actual Academy of Fine Arts, I felt how wrong that place and that environment was for me. From that moment on, I decided to build up my own life! Beside other people expectations and began to travel, first by myself and then with my partner, I began to study languages and feeling a strong sense of purpose and an excitement for life that I never experienced before. Three years now into it, I feel absolutely great with how my life changed. I feel content, I made more happy memories during the past three years than ever before and I feel now a strong sense of direction in living my days. But this strong fear started crippling in when about a month ago I first read an article about “we should live the life we came here to live”, which article was claiming we should live the life that God/Universe has planned for us, as that’s our only purpose. I felt a strong sense of fear of perhaps having done the wrong choice (no sense fear I think, since I’m so much more in love with how my current life is). Maybe I was meant to be an artist, maybe I shouldn’t have run away even if it felt painful and wrong. And now what? Will I be punished? Will this perfect life be taken away from me? Did God/Universe had another plan about how should I have lived?. So so much fear, and an anxiety I haven’t felt in years came back all of a sudden because of this, and I feel so unable to get rid of it and come back to the present. I keep having images from the past running in front of my eyes, and they keep making me feel down and painful, they keep feel wrong for me, but I feel so trapped in this I need your advice.
Thank you for reading
Angi
June 3, 2019 at 12:28 pm #297219
PeterParticipant“we should live the life we came here to live”, which article was claiming we should live the life that God/Universe has planned for us, as that’s our only purpose.
Hi Angi
I’ve always like what Joseph Campbell said about the question of meaning and purpose. “It’s a waist of time to ask the question when You are the Answer.
You are It!”
Life does not give you purpose or meaning but ‘You’ that gives meaning and purpose to Life. From this perspective everything you are and all that you do is purpose, is meaning, the Good the bad and the ugly.
So, Follow your Bliss and Become, that is what is being asked of you! Laugh when you feel like laughing, cry when you feel like crying, be angry when your angry, happy when your happy. Love encompasses it all. Learn… be better as you learn better… become… you are G_d’s plan.
In the Lords prayer there is the statement ‘They will be done’. Most people read that statement as a surrender to God’s will. But what if it’s a statement of fact. Not a surrender but a acknowledgment of participation that G_d’s will, will be done and your in it. Life As It Is! Life lives off Life, Life requires the sacrifice of Life, that is life’s wonder and it’s horror, That is LIFE’S Awesomeness (real definition of the word). The uneasiness you experience may be rooted in that reality. The unease of sacrifice. Are you living your truth or others? Both have purpose and meaning… one though is Being.
“Follow your bliss. If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in the field of your bliss, and they open the doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be. If you follow your bliss, doors will open for you that wouldn’t have opened for anyone else.” ― Joseph Campbell
June 3, 2019 at 1:08 pm #297233
AnonymousGuestDear Angi:
Are you feeling that by going a different route from what your parents wanted for you, and have been feeling happy about it, that by doing so you betrayed them and will be punished for it?
anita
June 3, 2019 at 1:41 pm #297239angiParticipantDear @anita
I feel somehow that have moved away from the kind of life I was born into might lead to punishment, even if changing my direction lead to so much more happiness and fulfillment for me, and to an actual sense of been on the right track that I never had before. By affirming this I felt how much my fear it’s probably something silly and non sense, it actually hurts think about having to come back to the past, to that reality I used to live, it just feels wrong, but I wonder now how much control I have pf deciding this, how making my own personal choice, that in the past few years felt so spontaneously right and still feel right, if it wasn’t now covered by the shadow of this fear.
thank you
Angi
June 3, 2019 at 2:23 pm #297241AnonymousGuestDear Angi:
Young children follow their parents. A young child is no difference from a fawn, a young deer following its mother, the doe into the woods. When the fawn grows up, it goes his own way a bit, then back to the mother, then his own way… until finally separating and going his or her way all the way.
This is my understanding at this point regarding what happened and happens with you: as a child your parents led you somewhat toward art and here and there, but they also hurt you, this is why you’ve “been feeling shy, out of place, with a sense of not belonging”, as a child and “for the majority of (your) life”.
You were uncertain, unsure, but somehow you did find your own way and you were happy. But then it caught up with you, that you didn’t follow your parents, that by finding your own way, and mostly by being happy, you betrayed them.
So you are scared that you will be punished, for being happy, for finding a way that makes you happy.
What do you think/ feel?
anita
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