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How can I be a good friend?

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  • April 18, 2015 at 3:17 pm #75505
    Name
    Participant

    I have difficulty understanding emotions and feelings. My childhood has been very dark. I never really felt love. I’ve always felt like I was a mistake, that I wasn’t suppose to be alive. Though, it seemed as if some force prevented me from acting on my insanity. Maybe this ‘force’ enjoyed watching me suffer. Maybe I am this force. That I enjoy watching myself suffer. I really don’t understand. I never had friends, or anyone that cared about me. Nor have I really cared for anyone.

    Since I’ve aged and made it to high school, it was there when I felt a tug at my heart. It may seem weird, but I have feelings about a guy… and I’m a guy. It really is nothing sexual since I am strictly heterosexual, though I do not shame homosexuality. But back to the point. This guy was my friend. We weren’t very close friends because I have not ever been very close with anyone. But I really feel like this friend of mine is like a best friend. But it isn’t he who is the problem here.

    I’m the problem. Due to my lack of understanding of emotions, I really don’t know what I feel. But I actually care about my friend. I would throw my life in dangers way to save him. But.. I don’t care about anyone else but him. Sure, I don’t treat others like shit because I don’t care about them. I treat them with the golden rule, how I would like everyone to be treated. I just don’t treat them with care.

    I’m a bad friend. I know it. If I wasn’t, we would be closer friends. I sacrificed my old, so-called ‘friends’ for him. I started to hang out with him a lot more. But now, now I have stopped. I’m afraid. I feel like I am hurting him. Though I can not see pain in him, maybe he is just that good at hiding it. Or maybe he isn’t in pain.

    I just want to know, how can I be a good friend? What are the steps I should use to approach him without seeming suspicious. Do I talk to him about personal matters or feelings? Or do I just hang around? I have so many questions my mind can’t register them one at a time. So, please help me. What do I do? How can I become a good friend and have a closer friendship?

    April 18, 2015 at 3:30 pm #75507
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi nonamenoname,

    I would just hang around him. And be consistent in how you contact him and how often. Like, I used to text or make a phone call once a week and hang out once a month for a certain friend of mine. That’s just an example. People like patterns. When he knows you’re often (not always, don’t smother him!) there and dependable, that will eventually make him feel closer to you. Like a brother, probably.

    Keep it simple, don’t over analyze the friendship, and relax!

    Inky

    April 18, 2015 at 7:53 pm #75519
    sensei
    Participant

    I would like to share somethimg I learned from my Experience.
    Before you want to be friend with other people, YOU must be friend with YOURSELF.
    This is how I did it.
    Make a list of charactors and personalities of a Good Friend you want to be friend with.
    Then try to be the One on your list.
    When you become the Best Friend with YOURSELF, you can have any friend you want.
    As a matter of fact, People WANT to be friend with you.
    If you have any questions about this or anything else, write me to sasanumasensei@gmail.com.

    Toshi Sasanuma

    April 19, 2015 at 2:29 pm #75534
    Bar
    Participant

    Be a good friend to yourself.

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