Jennifer,

Really your heart knows what is best, and if you calm yourself down, you’ll find the answer. If you’ve had the feeling that the relationship just isn’t right, especially if you feel it in your gut, then you most certainly made the right decision today. So you want a partner to intellectually stimulate you and that you’re physically attracted to? That’s perfectly fine. The man that you were with sounds like the kind of man that would actually be nice to settle down with. He seems like a really nice guy, but you crave more, and therefore you should go out and look for more. Don’t settle, if you feel that it is not right. The fact that you don’t fight, in fact it seems that he is TOO much of an understanding guy. Fights are healthy for a relationship, however it varies by how long it takes for a couple to actually have their first fight. How long were you in a relationship with him? And also have you two ever disagreed on anything at all in the past, and in that scenario might he have been too compromising? He might be putting up a defense mechanism, perhaps he had a horrible past and he just wants to focus on the present and the future. That’s fine, but eventually he would have to open up about something, even if it’s a situation in the present. He’s never brought up anything emotional? If you feel like your friend is much more supporting of you and is there for you more than your ex, then perhaps he is a good match for you. However, it might be a case of you two are just good as friends and not as lovers. That’s something for you two to figure out. You ended your post with “Should I go back where I know I’m loved, accepted, and comfortable?? What if, what if, what if.” I have a couple things to say about that.

1. The fact that you felt loved, accepted, and comfortable, is ideal for a relationship. In fact it’s what many people want in a relationship. It seems to me though that you crave a little more excitement, and that’s perfectly fine. So ask yourself, in the long-run, would you prefer comfort or excitement? Hopefully you could find someone, though, that provides both.

2. Stop with the what ifs, perhaps you are overthinking this. The thing is you made your decision, you broke up with him. It’s probably best to just move on now. How do you know he’ll take you back if you go back to him?

3. Be careful if you are searching for excitement. You might already know this, depending on how old you are, but often guys who offer excitement aren’t exactly the most pleasant guys. Just don’t get yourself in a bad situation with a less respectable man.

I hope I helped out,

Best wishes,

Helen xoxo

Wow Jennifer you just mirrored so much of what I went through yesterday! Every situation is different. My situation boiled down to as much as we kept trying to make it work, he didn’t feel I connected with him on the intellectual level he needed, and I didn’t feel he connected with me on the emotional level I needed. It was heartbreaking, because on every other level we are a perfect match. But without meeting those additional needs… without it being a true fit… we would be destined to keep repeating the same cycle (which we did 3 times already) where we would start out close & he would end up withdrawing, leaving me feeling upset, shut out, and unloved. All the wishful thinking and trying in the world wasn’t going to fix our issues. Sometimes that’s just life. At least we had the foresight to each look inward and really not only try to understand what the issue was that was holding us back and making us repeat these patterns, but to also talk about it openly and calmly. I swear that was my best breakup ever, as much as it hurt. I had wished so hard for so long that the missing piece would just fall into place.

I hope you find your peace and that you are able to move forward in the way that is best for you both.

I think you should give yourself and your ex a chance to explore other people/other loves. Letting go is an act of love.