June 18, 2013 at 8:19 pm #37173ClaireParticipant
I am new here but I am having a bit of trouble as I have recently put myself in a very young and stupid situation. I am married and we have been trying to have a baby for a long time however we have had a lot of trouble. On top of that I have had a lot of trouble with a family member who has put a split right through our family so the past 12 months have not been easy.
Anyways, just recently I stupidly decided to get in contact with a person I had a very short relationship with when I was younger. I broke up with him as I was just not that into him but anyways I decided to contact him and talk to him again. I stupidly thought that he was still the same person as when we first met even though it was years ago and agreed to meet up with him. He has since formed a band that has become quite successful and I spent the whole time listening to him go on about that.
When we first met up he was really nice and I felt he was still the same person which made me happy. However the next day he was really cold and snappy. I went home feeling disappointed and like it was my fault he was like that so I asked him to meet up again in hope that this time would be different however this time it was alot worse. He was nice again at first but then we ended up arguing alot to the point where I know that he doesnt like me now.
I have gone home since and sent him an email saying how I feel about how he behaved and what happened and he wrote one back basically saying he didnt care about what I have to say and that I am the one with the problem and I am “not his type of person”
I wrote another one back sticking up for myself but also saying that this was it and I am not going to continue with this behaviour. However now I feel really flat and low about what has happened. I am so disappointed he is not the same person but also feel so stupid expecting him to be the same person. How can I get past this. I feel like my confidence has taken a beating. I am a real people pleaser and I like to make everyone happy and I just cant stand knowing that someone doesnt like it. How can I move forward?June 19, 2013 at 5:57 am #37184LalehParticipant
Your story seems quite confusing, so you are married, but you decided to get out with an ex boyfriend is that it? Or is this the same guy you are married to? Or is this the family member? Regardless seems like this guy has grown to a different person and so are you, and you are trying to go backwards, because you are not happy in your current situation, so you think you can feel better by going down memory lane.
But you have to remember, that is only a memory now, NOTHING ELSE. The past is the past and does not exist anymore. If you want to be happy in present you have to deal with your present life, instead of looking to your past memories for a temporary fix.
I would say, find the reason for your current troubles and see if what would make you happy right now. I don’t know details about your life so it’s hard to give opinion but this is all I can say for now 🙂
http://www.danubelle.comJune 19, 2013 at 12:21 pm #37197Jenn-ayParticipant
I agree with DanubelleJune 19, 2013 at 10:52 pm #37207ClaireParticipant
Sorry I read back and it is kind of hard to understand.
I met up with an ex from like 6 years ago however nothing happened we just hung out. I think you are right. I have been so stressed with my husband trying to have a baby and the other problem my family that I have been trying to look for a quick fix and figured contacting someone who was from a perceived “better time” in my life I would feel better. However I stupidly didnt take into consideration that alot of time has passed and there is no way that this person, or me, would be the same as back then.
The way I am feeling about what is going on in my current life and the disappointment of things not going as expected with my friend I guess seems worse than what it is.
I am a people pleaser and I cant stand knowing that someone is mad at me or doesnt like me and it just makes me want to fix it but I know I cant. I wish that I could just go back in time and never suggest to my friend that we meet up even though I know that is just a rediculous thought and feeling. Sorry to go on about this guys but thanks for your response.June 20, 2013 at 3:54 am #37218BobParticipant
This is a rather complex problem, so a quick easy solution is not in your favor. Having a child right now is not a good idea, you will need all of the strength inside of you along with the help of others to pick yourself up.
It is most imperative that Claire knows what she wants and what is best for her. If you are anything like I was when I was in your shoes, my wants and what was best for me never seemed to agree. The bottom line is quite simple, will you ‘react’ or ‘act’ upon your difficult situation. To ‘react’ is when you feel sorry for yourself and with all of your might you try to hang on; but when you ‘act’, you take steps to improve your life and never wonder if you did the right thing or not. Probably you feel like you are all alone with the opposite holds the most truth. You are not a pioneer when it comes to rejection or any other pain; you can reach out to others and they will pull you out of this dark period in your life.
Rejection is a very difficult pill to swallow, but when their message is clear and they have erased you from their life it is always best to move on. Trying to hang on any longer will not do you any good. So dust off the seat of your pants, get up and without looking backwards move on with your life. Be grateful for the fact that your injuries appear to be minor and look for the good positive energy that actually is all around you. Once you have conquered this dilemma Claire, you will be able to help others who feel like you today.
Be well, walk in peace, share the love you have inside of you with others and joy will burst forth like a bubbling stream.
“When life knocks you down, learn how to land on your back. Because if you can look UP, you can get UP.’ ~~ Les Brown