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How do I stop blaming myself for not being more successful

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  Inky 1 week ago.

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  • #235751

    Azelastine
    Participant

    ExGF dumped me because I’m not mature enough career wise, and I’ve been losing my rhythm in life for over a year.

    Ex(25) is 8 month older than me, a year ago she claims that I couldn’t carry the burden of a family man and processed to dump me cruelly over a single text saying she had fallen for another guy. I’ve blocked her entirely for almost a year, yet I still harbors resentment toward this whole situation, and to her.

    She claims that, she needs to get married before 30, and she couldn’t AFFORD to wait for me to mature professionally although she loved me dearly. This judgement had me clouded in immense confusion and frustration. Although I’ve not been the best boyfriend one could wish for, but during the time we lived together, I’ve cooked for her daily, did chores, at that time I was at a low point in professional area, she on the other hand had family business to attend to, and naturally earns way more than I did.<span class=”Apple-converted-space”> </span>

    I couldn’t help but think that it’s all because I’m not rich enough, I couldn’t afford a house and provide better life. If only I had money, but all i had was a useless master degree and load of empty ideas.<span class=”Apple-converted-space”> </span>

    And that’s how the terrible mindset starts to corrode my mental health. It’s like I’m trying to catch up on a bullet train that’s moving 300km/h. I’m desperate to become successful career wise, to become rich, to prove her judgement of me wrong. But the more I hurry, the more I fail, and in turn the more I feel she’s right about me. I’m only halfway through 25 today, yet I feel like such a fucking loser. I lost my rhyme in life and I feel like all that I do, is trying to be rich and successfully quickly, because I blame behind all the rage I had, deep down I blame myself for this separation.

    I think I’ve really lost my way, I have amazing parents, a decent job, good friends, I should’ve been content, but I’m not. So what the hell does it take, for me to be happy? I don’t even like money that much, yet this relationship has completely destroyed my confidence, making me think that being rich is just so important because if I’m not, I’m will never devserve romantic love again.

    #235819

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Azelastine:

    It reads like your ex girlfriend values money, respects money. The two of you lived together and you cooked for her daily. For that reason alone (you cooking for her every day), she should have done better than dump you over a single text message.

    She values money. If you made more money, and she remained in a relationship with you, then it would be your money that will keep her in the relationship. The train you are chasing, the one traveling 300km/h, the prize, the destination, if you were able to get on it, would be a woman who will dump you if the train spits you out.

    Better not chase that train. Better aim at a relationship with a woman who is willing to get off the train herself and walk with you away from the train. That train really goes nowhere.

    anita

    #235833

    Peter
    Participant

    How do I stop blaming myself for not being more successful

    Take time to detach yourself from the need to measure being successful and judging yourself.  Its likely your definition of success hasn’t been fully made conscious and as a result is some general idea you will never live up to.

    If you have goals work toward them. If you struggle adjust. As long as your learning and engaged in life your successful. This ‘blaming’ will only help you if your doing it to learn how you might do/be better other wise its just a excuse to keep you stuck

     

    #235843

    Kelli
    Participant

    Hey there.

    One of the things that has helped me deal most with the ‘unwanted’ in my life is simply realizing that everything that happens to us is just neutral vibrational feedback and nothing more. Whatever struggles you have had in life have nothing to do with you not being good enough, smart enough, or whatever else. You just had beliefs and a view of yourself that led these types of experiences, people,etc…to come into your orbit.

    When we realize it’s feedback, all the painful stories you are telling about yourself and your circumstances no longer hold water. You see you were creating your reality the whole time–the programming just wasn’t great–and with some shifting of your inner world, you can create something new moving forward. What has already happened means nothing…like it literally means nothing because no situation has any inherent, objective meaning. Our mind is the one that assigns it.

    #235875

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Azelastine,

    It sounds like she’s the real loser here.

    Reality Check: You are only in your twenties (still young!). You have a job (Awesome!). You seems to live within your means and are responsible (unless you’re not telling us something). In short, you are doing great!

    As you know, especially after I’m sure reading finance and success articles, making money is only ONE THIRD of it! The other two:

    1. Investing

    2. Saving

    Throw some of that money into the stock market, be a good steward and watch it grow. DON’T dip into that Principle!! (The secret!)

    Then save the money you do have. Live like a cheap bastard. Make it an art form.

    Before you know it, you will be a Millionaire at Thirty and a Multi-Millionaire at Forty. You will meet a nice girl who is WORTHY of you! Who WON’T marry you for your money (or dump you for the perceived lack thereof). What a wonderful surprise awaits this girl when she realizes that you can live like a Prince!

    The other girl will look on, kicking herself for unceremoniously dumping you, as you live your life, in love, with children, complete with a white picket fence and a dog. And what will she have? Only Karma will one day tell…..

    Best,

    Inky

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