anika,
How each of us face such past taurma is very individual. We can all offer a prescription, give a formula from our own experience.

I believe it comes down to not being attached to your past, being and mindfully living in the present. Any emotions are what we create for our Selves. Practicing our non-self gives us the way to let such hard feelings pass through us.

I believe most of the issues that are posted here require such an apporach. Simple but hard to do.

Take care,
Mark

Thanks Mark and Justice.

Hi Ainka,

Sorry to hear about your emotional abuse.

Until you hit rock bottom and come to an acceptance that “enough is enough”, you wont be able to move on from your troubled past. Like Mark said, everyone has their own prescription for solving their issues. You need to decide if you are ready to let go of your past in the first place. Once you are ready for healing your wounds, the help will appear and show you the right path. But you gotta be ready and ask the universe for help.

Few thoughts that may help add clarity to your situation and you are more than welcome to trial some of the suggestions below to help you move forward.

– emotional abuse often stems from an underlying lack of self-love or appreciation. We are hard on ourselves and it flows on to others. The roots of this can often be found in the childhood. We feel we are not good enough for many reasons and so we let others manipulate us or abuse us emotionally.
– however, at the end of the day, our feelings and our life are our own property. No one can make us feel in a certain way or make us do things, which is against our wish (except for parents when we are young).
– in the spiritual world, we are 100 % responsible for everything that happens to us, which means, we also have a choice of letting go of hurts, resentment, anger, hatred etc. For many people, this is easier said than done as they are constantly blaming others for their pain without understanding the true essence of this life and the universal consciousness.

I have personally used the following tools to assist me in the process of self-loving (although I am still a work in progress like most ):

– self loving or nurturing involves accepting yourself the way you are; loving yourself unconditionally and forgiving yourself for all the pain you have created for yourself.
– Creating an exceptional life by louise hay and Cheryl Davidson is a good start – it has a lot of positive affirmations and good stuff to start us on the journey of self-love
– Meditation and Yoga
– Gratitude Journal and practicing “letting go of resentment” every day
– Writing down your feelings about what is working in life and what is not. Things which are not working are usually out of our control. Once you accept this, it will be easier to accept yourself
– Smile, Smile and more Smiles
– Doing only things that you are happy to do – first step to accepting yourself. Your mind / heart, thoughts and actions need to be aligned. For example – you offer to sort out other person’s mess but in your heart you are cursing the person – this creates a conflict at an Universal energy level. Like attracts like. So the more you are misaligned in your thoughts and actions, the more you attract of the same.
– Everyone is imperfect including myself – helped a lot in accepting myself
– My daily mantra: I accept myself the way I am, I forgive myself for all the intentional and unintentional pain I have caused myself and I love myself unconditionally.

Best wishes,

J

• This reply was modified 10 years, 10 months ago by @Jasmine-3.

Hi Ainka

You didn’t make any mistake in letting him go.

You will find the love of you life soon enough but before that you need to heal yourself and move on from this ex of yours.

So many times, universe wants to give us the best but we are too engrossed in our self pity, lack of confidence in ourselves and lack of love for self. The moment you heal, you will begin a new life.

Sending you heaps of positive energy. May you find what you are looking for.

J

Hi Ainka

The let go is not happening maybe because you feel in your heart strongly that you have made a mistake in letting him go. You feel personally responsible for his abusive behaviour towards you as he is not that way with his wife. You feel that something is wrong with you as he was happy to have a son with his wife but talked about abortion if you had a child together.

You do not love yourself. This is where things are going wrong. If you loved yourself, you would not have any issues letting go of anything in this world. When you love yourself, you develop an innate trust in the Universal power to look after you and your needs. If you love yourself, you will go with the flow of life. If you love yourself, you know that everything is happening for the best and everything will work out in the big scheme of things (be it kids, husband, career, friendships etc)

Could you pls try practicing this for the next week or so ? If you do it with sincerity and open-mind, you will see a marked improvement in your feelings.

I love myself unconditionally
I accept myself the way I am
I forgive myself for all the pain I have caused intentionally or unintentionally.

Sending you heaps of positive energy and acceptance.

J

Hi Ainka

It is ok to feel that you have lost all the desire to live until now. However, pls count your blessings before you say such things again in the future.

– There are so many kids born with all sorts of life threatening conditions in this world and who lose their fight even before they can make a choice about anything. They dont even get to feel any love. What wrong have they done ?

– there are so many kids who do not even get one proper meal a day. What wrong have they done ?

– there are many spiritual and non-spiritual families who have lost their loved ones to tragic circumstances. What wrong have they done ?

– there are thousands of people living in this world who are handicap (either physically or mentally), who still go on to make a life for themselves. What wrong have they done to deserve what they got in life in the first place ?

I can go on and on about the people who are not as blessed as yourself and yet they are doing something special with their lives and moving on lovingly despite all their unfair or unwanted circumstances.

So STOP making a mockery out of your life. Take the first step to turn your life around today. Start doing little things that make you feel good and show it to the world that you deserve your place in this world. You deserve every breath that you are inhaling, which your so called “sinner ex partner” is inhaling as well.

Life is not fair for most people in the world today but we always think the grass is greener on the other side. Why dont you go and swap a life of a 34 year woman living in a low socioeconomic condition, who has no job, has 5 kids but has no money to feed them or educate them and has a devoted husband for the name sake. Will your life be worthwhile living then ?

Blessings to you and this will be my last post to you. Only you can turn your life around. Me or other TB forum members can only provide our best wishes but we cant live your life.

J

• This reply was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by @Jasmine-3.
• This reply was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by @Jasmine-3.