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how do u let go of ur troubled past.

HomeForumsTough Timeshow do u let go of ur troubled past.

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  • #51895
    ainka
    Participant

    i have issues in my past where i was emotionally tortured, it was like i was asked to keep my bags packed as x was going to take me home nad then i waited he wnt come -excuses- then again when i lost all hope he came- then same asked me to wait -and it went on for 10 yrs, have u ever me dumped or illtreated like this . how do u face this and move on.

    #51910
    ainka
    Participant

    i think no one wants to ans me

    #51920
    Mark
    Participant

    anika,
    How each of us face such past taurma is very individual. We can all offer a prescription, give a formula from our own experience.

    I believe it comes down to not being attached to your past, being and mindfully living in the present. Any emotions are what we create for our Selves. Practicing our non-self gives us the way to let such hard feelings pass through us.

    I believe most of the issues that are posted here require such an apporach. Simple but hard to do.

    Take care,
    Mark

    #51929
    Justice
    Participant

    Stop the hurt by realizing that you can only control what you do. Think about how you want to be treated. Are you being treated that way? My answer from what you’ve written is NO. You can’t get around the hurt you’ll feel if you end this toxic (my opinion) relationship but good news- life goes on and if you resolve your issues (what’s making you stay in the relationship) the next relationship will be better. I went through 9 years of what your talking about and what a waste of time. I can’t get that time back but I pushed through the pain and sorted myself out. Now I have a good relationship. Not perfect because there’s no such thing. I don’t wait for him in this relationship and I am a person whose got self worth and that’s recognized by my new husband and the people that are our friends. I wish I’d smartened up so much sooner. Help is available and most insurance company policies cover mental health care. You can get good advise from a councilor, therapist, physiologist, or professionally monitored group therapy. You are not the only one with this experience but, don’t believe me. Go see for yourself and you’ll start forming the kind of life you should have.

    #51957
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Thanks Mark and Justice.

    Hi Ainka,

    Sorry to hear about your emotional abuse.

    Until you hit rock bottom and come to an acceptance that “enough is enough”, you wont be able to move on from your troubled past. Like Mark said, everyone has their own prescription for solving their issues. You need to decide if you are ready to let go of your past in the first place. Once you are ready for healing your wounds, the help will appear and show you the right path. But you gotta be ready and ask the universe for help.

    Few thoughts that may help add clarity to your situation and you are more than welcome to trial some of the suggestions below to help you move forward.

    – emotional abuse often stems from an underlying lack of self-love or appreciation. We are hard on ourselves and it flows on to others. The roots of this can often be found in the childhood. We feel we are not good enough for many reasons and so we let others manipulate us or abuse us emotionally.
    – however, at the end of the day, our feelings and our life are our own property. No one can make us feel in a certain way or make us do things, which is against our wish (except for parents when we are young).
    – in the spiritual world, we are 100 % responsible for everything that happens to us, which means, we also have a choice of letting go of hurts, resentment, anger, hatred etc. For many people, this is easier said than done as they are constantly blaming others for their pain without understanding the true essence of this life and the universal consciousness.

    I have personally used the following tools to assist me in the process of self-loving (although I am still a work in progress like most ):

    – self loving or nurturing involves accepting yourself the way you are; loving yourself unconditionally and forgiving yourself for all the pain you have created for yourself.
    – Creating an exceptional life by louise hay and Cheryl Davidson is a good start – it has a lot of positive affirmations and good stuff to start us on the journey of self-love
    – Meditation and Yoga
    – Gratitude Journal and practicing “letting go of resentment” every day
    – Writing down your feelings about what is working in life and what is not. Things which are not working are usually out of our control. Once you accept this, it will be easier to accept yourself
    – Smile, Smile and more Smiles
    – Doing only things that you are happy to do – first step to accepting yourself. Your mind / heart, thoughts and actions need to be aligned. For example – you offer to sort out other person’s mess but in your heart you are cursing the person – this creates a conflict at an Universal energy level. Like attracts like. So the more you are misaligned in your thoughts and actions, the more you attract of the same.
    – Everyone is imperfect including myself – helped a lot in accepting myself
    – My daily mantra: I accept myself the way I am, I forgive myself for all the intentional and unintentional pain I have caused myself and I love myself unconditionally.

    Best wishes,

    J

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 12 months ago by @Jasmine-3.
    #51995
    ainka
    Participant

    i dnt know how to explain myself, i was lonely introvert as a child, as a teenager i experienced love though he loved me but he dumped me for he had no money to marry me. i entered into another relationship thinking that if i am honest he wud love me but he played mind games with me for 10 yrs wnt let me out and if i broke up wud entice me back again with false promises, i loved him so waited him to cahnge but he didnt. i decided to move awaay which i did i was on the verge of healing 90% healed when he came gain and i was again draged into pain, he was married by now but still played games with me by making me feel that i have lost him, i have lost a perfect husband as he is to his wife etc. i just let him go bcuz i cudnt marry a man who didnt respect me or love me but after 5 yrs of loneliness i ques myself did i make a mistake.?

    #52044
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Hi Ainka

    You didn’t make any mistake in letting him go.

    You will find the love of you life soon enough but before that you need to heal yourself and move on from this ex of yours.

    So many times, universe wants to give us the best but we are too engrossed in our self pity, lack of confidence in ourselves and lack of love for self. The moment you heal, you will begin a new life.

    Sending you heaps of positive energy. May you find what you are looking for.

    J

    #52048
    ainka
    Participant

    but i have been trying for past 5 yrs now but the let go is not happening.

    #52067
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Hi Ainka

    The let go is not happening maybe because you feel in your heart strongly that you have made a mistake in letting him go. You feel personally responsible for his abusive behaviour towards you as he is not that way with his wife. You feel that something is wrong with you as he was happy to have a son with his wife but talked about abortion if you had a child together.

    You do not love yourself. This is where things are going wrong. If you loved yourself, you would not have any issues letting go of anything in this world. When you love yourself, you develop an innate trust in the Universal power to look after you and your needs. If you love yourself, you will go with the flow of life. If you love yourself, you know that everything is happening for the best and everything will work out in the big scheme of things (be it kids, husband, career, friendships etc)

    Could you pls try practicing this for the next week or so ? If you do it with sincerity and open-mind, you will see a marked improvement in your feelings.

    I love myself unconditionally
    I accept myself the way I am
    I forgive myself for all the pain I have caused intentionally or unintentionally.

    Sending you heaps of positive energy and acceptance.

    J

    #52069
    ainka
    Participant

    txs jasmine its very true i dnt love myself.
    i dnt know the reason y but its true.
    as a child i was really loved by my parents. i got good grades so teachers loved me too. but since i am an introvert i never had many friends. i had no knowleadge abt ppl how they behave in a social situation.
    but afterall this i have started hating myself. and bcuz of this i have lost all desire to live.

    #52073
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Hi Ainka

    It is ok to feel that you have lost all the desire to live until now. However, pls count your blessings before you say such things again in the future.

    – There are so many kids born with all sorts of life threatening conditions in this world and who lose their fight even before they can make a choice about anything. They dont even get to feel any love. What wrong have they done ?

    – there are so many kids who do not even get one proper meal a day. What wrong have they done ?

    – there are many spiritual and non-spiritual families who have lost their loved ones to tragic circumstances. What wrong have they done ?

    – there are thousands of people living in this world who are handicap (either physically or mentally), who still go on to make a life for themselves. What wrong have they done to deserve what they got in life in the first place ?

    I can go on and on about the people who are not as blessed as yourself and yet they are doing something special with their lives and moving on lovingly despite all their unfair or unwanted circumstances.

    So STOP making a mockery out of your life. Take the first step to turn your life around today. Start doing little things that make you feel good and show it to the world that you deserve your place in this world. You deserve every breath that you are inhaling, which your so called “sinner ex partner” is inhaling as well.

    Life is not fair for most people in the world today but we always think the grass is greener on the other side. Why dont you go and swap a life of a 34 year woman living in a low socioeconomic condition, who has no job, has 5 kids but has no money to feed them or educate them and has a devoted husband for the name sake. Will your life be worthwhile living then ?

    Blessings to you and this will be my last post to you. Only you can turn your life around. Me or other TB forum members can only provide our best wishes but we cant live your life.

    J

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by @Jasmine-3.
    • This reply was modified 9 years, 11 months ago by @Jasmine-3.
    #52074
    @Jasmine-3
    Participant

    Hi Ainka

    It is ok to feel that you have lost all the desire to live until now. However, pls count your blessings before you say such things again in the future.

    – There are so many kids born with all sorts of life threatening conditions in this world and who loose their fight even before they can make a choice about anything. They dont even get to feel any love. What wrong have they done ?

    – there are so many kids who do not even get one proper meal a day. What wrong have they done ?

    – there are many spiritual and non-spiritual families who have lost their loved ones to tragic circumstances. What wrong have they done ?

    – there are thousands of people living in this world who are handicap (either physically or mentally), who still go on to make a life for themselves. What wrong have they done to deserve what they got in life in the first place ?

    I can go on and on about the people who are not as blessed as yourself and yet they are doing something special with their lives and moving on lovingly despite all their unfair or unwanted circumstances.

    So making a mockery out of your life. Take the first step to turn your life around today. Start doing little things that make you feel good and show it to the world that you deserve your place in this world. You deserve every breath that you are inhaling, which your so called sinner ex partner is inhaling as well.

    Life is not fair for most people in the world today but we always think the grass is greener on the other side. Why dont you go and swap a life of a 34 year woman living in a low socioeconomic condition, who has no job, has 5 kids but has no money to feed them or educate them and has a devoted husband for the name sake. Will your life be worthwhile living then ?

    Blessings to you and this will be my last post to you. Only you can turn your life around. Me or other TB forum members can only provide our best wishes but we cant live your life.

    J

    #52080
    ainka
    Participant

    txs but life has been so rude to me i cannot forgive

    #52088
    Kelly
    Participant

    Forgiveness is a choice. Can you try to make a different choice tomorrow? Every morning we get a new chance. Moving on is not easy, but there’s only one person who is going to be there with you every step of that way: ainka. Love yourself, you deserve it.

    #52147
    ainka
    Participant

    txs

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