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How do you date someone with no ambition?

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  • October 10, 2017 at 11:22 pm #172691
    petitvoyager
    Participant

    I have been in a relationship for three years now but my partner has no ambition and no goals or dreams. Although we love each other, I seem to be the only thing he has plans with. I know I shouldn’t taken that for granted but how do you date someone that doesn’t love what they study, or dream about a career, or want to travel?

    I feel like when I talk about my dreams and hopes that he feels bad that he doesn’t have any. He is so supportive of my adventurous spirit, and I want to support his goals but he doesn’t have any. It feels like I’m dating someone who would agree with anything. Do some people just not have opinions?

    October 11, 2017 at 5:13 am #172717
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi petitvoyager,

    It sure is easier to be seeing someone who has a sense of purpose! Some people, though, are just “there”. There’s nothing wrong with being just “there”, but I can see how it must be maddening to you!

    Can you take him along on your adventures? Play games like (don’t remember the exact name) “What Would You Do”? Ask for his advice and have his input be the deciding vote?

    It’s not that you want to fundamentally change him (you can’t), but maybe slowly and gently tease out strands of passion, curiosity and interest.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    October 11, 2017 at 8:57 am #172751
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear petitvoyager:

    You wrote: “when I talk about my dreams and hopes that he feels bad that he doesn’t have any”- if he feels bad for not having dreams and hopes of the kind you do, that means he feels unacceptable. If so, I have no doubt that he has a dreams and hope to be acceptable just the way he is.

    You wrote: “He is so supportive of my adventurous spirit, and I want to support his goals but he doesn’t have any”- he does have a goal, to be supported for his spirit (emotions, mental going-ons). He does have a spirit too. I am sure of it.

    anita

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