Hi Danny

I think that it honestly depends. There are things that people are in control of and some things that they aren’t.

For example, if someone had very unhealthy habits and they developed cancer because of those habits. They would bear responsibility for causing their own cancer. Would they deserve to suffer? No, I don’t believe that anyone deserves to suffer. But the goal would be that they would get treatment, recognise their unhealthy habits and stop them.

Whereas, someone with a genetic predisposition to cancer, or if they were just old, it wouldn’t be caused as a result of their actions.

A child is not responsible for being in an abusive relationship because they are vulnerable and unable to protect themselves. If it is a parent, they didn’t choose to be born.

An adult in an abusive relationship often chooses to stay in that relationship. They are responsible for that choice, but they are not responsible for the other person’s actions. However, they are responsible for not protecting themselves or any children. Sometimes there are reasons for that. Previous trauma, depression, financial problems.

I don’t believe that acceptance of the situation is the same as taking responsibility for it. But you can take responsibility for your reaction to a situation. Emotional regulation is a responsibility that we all have because it not only impacts us, but those around us.

A great cause of depression and anxiety is not accepting reality and wishing that things were different. Figuring out how to live in the best way with what we are given is important. For example, if a child dies and there are other children or a partner. There is a responsibility to figure out a way to continue despite the hardship.

At the same time hope is important in cases where things can be changed because it is a motivator for change. But it needs to be tempered. It needs to be achievable, a plan that is followed and not an obsession. The goal is not to put all of your eggs in the one basket. To not be crushed by failure, because it takes time to achieve goals sometimes.

I hope that this perspective makes some sense. It is not intended to be hurtful. There is a lot of hardship in the world, but I believe that it is important to learn from it where possible and to find happiness. There are many ways to deal with hardship, but it often requires the help of others to teach you how to do that because it is hard especially when young and you haven’t yet learned how to overcome hardship, to navigate difficulties. If you have any thoughts or questions, I’d be happy to hear them.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏