How is it to be in a relation with a person having superiority complex

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  • This topic has 9 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by Sann.
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    Hello, Thank you for your time to read my post.

    Recently, a colleague proposed me. He has been liking me for two years but never had the courage to express himself. He is really sweet, loving, caring, humorous and serious about me. It’s been over 2 months that he proposed me, and he already asked to marry. Also, he doesn’t believe in the concept of dating. A go getter. Likes me and wants me. Doesn’t give me time and space to think and answer.

    Since it has happened suddenly, I’m unable to accept that someone whom I knew as a colleague feels so much for me. Also, I want to take the next relation at a slow pace and understand the person well before committing.

    The problem is – he has a bossy attitude, it probably comes from bad marriage he has been through. He is open to change and work on his behaviour but when asked to consult a psychologist, he is not ready. I’m tired of listening to ‘sorry’ all the time. He brags about a lot of things about himself. I want to know how it is to be in a relation with someone who has superiority complex and if it is worth trying.

    Thank you!


    Hi Anyone,

    The question that you may need to ask yourself is, can you love this person un-conditionally, minus a few of his imperfections? If you feel he needs to seek a therapist/counselor in regards to your relationship with him, are you able to be a part of his treatment/growth during this process. If the answer is truly NO and if you feel you are constantly going to find things wrong about him, that you really don’t like. Then the best and healthy thing to do is, walk away. If the answer is YES, than you have a winner and that means you do love him un-conditionally, knowing he can’t be the picture perfect image in your mind but accepting he may be willing to take the journey of you two evolving together. Regardless of your answer to these questions hun, the answer simply comes down to – Is he worth the spiritual journey and do I love him for not being completely perfect?

    You don’t have to share that answer with me, as that is something you can keep to yourself if you wish.

    I feel everyone does have a certain kind of bossiness to them about certain kinds of things. It depends what he is bossy about. If he is bossy at the workplace and not entirely bossy at home in his personal life and allows his wife to take over that roll in their private life. Then that balances pretty equally I feel. For me personally, at my professional job I am well liked, known as a hard/fast worker and I am kind, respectful and honest with people BUT on the other hand there are some people at my workplace who let their emotions get out of control because they are still young and we all take that into account. For me, in all aspects of my life – I feed off energy as I am highly sensitive to people’s energy. For example, if people are mean and I sense that they are in fact mean, judgmental or putting on a fake act, I’ll dis-engage and keep it to a quick “Hello and goodbye” (at times no words come out of my lips) if the opportunity presents itself. If I sense an energy of compassion and sincerity, then I will feed off that positive energy. So in the simplest terms of what I’m getting at is, I give back what you give in your energy towards me.

    When I’m at work, I am highly motivated and focused on what needs to be accomplished. All of the other drama that presents itself, I don’t pay any attention to and don’t make eye contact. I’m just too focused on doing my job. Now, in my personal life for me, it’s very easy. I have to say that I do enjoy my lover being in control of things at home, while in the mean time I cook, clean and do laundry. I very much enjoy doing laundry lol. 🙂

    So I gave you some great examples of how some people may be bossy about some things but not bossy about other things. As long as it balances out right and both lovers have an equal understanding of each other and how they operate. There shouldn’t be a problem. Most times problems present themselves drastically and dramatically when the person is a complete stranger to you and haven’t known them for a couple of years, to truly know their in’s and outs. So my advice to you is, since you’ve only knows him just a couple of months, you’ll have to go about getting to know about him and his in’s and outs, in a way you feel most comfortable.

    I hope all this information helps. Let me know your thoughts and your opinion. It’s all about a line of in person communication with him. Remember – You are AWESOME and you got this!! 🙂



    Hey Anyone,

    I don’t have the experience, so hopefully someone with experience or better insight then my own will come around soon. I’m just going to give my suggestion based on my own thoughts and feelings.

    Since it has happened suddenly, I’m unable to accept that someone whom I knew as a colleague feels so much for me. Also, I want to take the next relation at a slow pace and understand the person well before committing.

    Your right, everything has moved incredibly quickly. One must question why after two years has he just said something recently? Personally, someone with such strong feelings and yet couldn’t express them doesn’t seem like he is going to be the most emotional available person. Until you understand why he feels so much for you besides the; ‘you’re intelligent’ ‘you’re beautiful’ ‘i’m nothing without you’ then i would proceed with caution. It might be he is more invested in you than you are with him. And if you’re not ready, then you’re not ready. Don’t push yourself to change for someone simply to fit into their agenda/ timeline.

    Doesn’t give me time and space to think and answer, bossy attitude, brags about a lot of things about himself

    In two months, you have already found three things that you dislike about your partner. You can’t change the makeup of someone. You can improve someone and influence them, but you cannot change someone unless they really want to. So far, all he says is ‘sorry’ which to me means he isn’t changing like he said he would try.

    Follow your heart/ gut (whichever you like more 😉 ask yourself:
    Why wasn’t he a friend before?
    What do you like about him?
    Do I like him only because he likes/ loves you?
    Do i even want to be married?
    What is our future? Do we have a future?

    You don’t have to reply, these are more for you to reflect upon. If you want to ask a question please post again.



    Dear Anyone:

    It doesn’t sound right to me and I agree with you: you should get to know a person before committing to a life with them. Thing is, what you already know about him doesn’t sound good to me… and to you, this is why you posted here.

    You wrote: “A go getter. Likes me and wants me. Doesn’t give me time and space to think and answer.” Well, you are not something to GET. And you need the time and space to think and answer. It is not up to him to give you that time and space; it is yours to take, your right and it is reasonable that you do take your time and space.

    “Since it has happened suddenly, I’m unable to accept that someone whom I knew as a colleague feels so much for me. Also, I want to take the next relation at a slow pace and understand the person well before committing.”- very reasonable on your part.

    “The problem is – he has a bossy attitude…He brags about a lot of things about himself.”- if he was a child, that would be something for a parent to work with, to teach him that although he is valuable and special, other people are valuable and special too… and interactions with other people should be based on an I-Win:You-Win attitude and not on I-Win:You-Lose attitude which is what his bossiness may be about.

    Please post again:



    Thank you Matty for your response.
    He expressed after two years because he was getting his personal life resolved and didn’t want to approach me when he was married. (A good trait).
    But from my end, yeah I like him only because he loves me.
    We got closer because of office politics and he took it as an opportunity to get closer. I didn’t pay heed to him earlier because I really didn’t like his attitude in office. Sometimes, he just doesn’t let other person talk just to put his point up.

    Elle Tinker 700,
    Thank you for sharing your experiences. It was a pleasure to listen you talk:-)

    Hope you’re doing well. Thanks for posting reply. You got it right on the Win-lose attitude. May be it stems from a bad past and low self-esteem.
    About possessiveness, I am keeping him in limits. Giving back whenever he tries to change me. (It is hard and takes mental peace of mind to not let someone be too much onto you). Whenever we are together, I often end up losing temper and feel irritated.
    It feels like I’m mothering a child. Do this, don’t do that! How can a 37 year old be so childish!

    The positives and why I want to consider him:
    1) A person who won’t give up on me and will work towards the relation because he is clear about me. (I had read somewhere, a man who isn’t sure of you will never be sure about you, and will never commit)
    He is open to change and is changing for better. Also, I have come to a stage where I’m losing hope of getting a suitable partner (I’m 31 now). For reasons that lie in past I tend to give up on instances such as ‘he wakes up at 8 and not 6 am; so he’s not the one for me’. And this guy is being patient with me all the time, understands what I’ve been through.
    I feel the need to have someone who will stand by me (and that can be one who loves me?) None of us are kids here, we both look for a long term relationship.

    Phew! Will I ever get someone I don’t need to break up with or I have to be tolerant and more receptive of the other person. And adjust!?


    2) Takes care of me, ensures my comfort when it ccomes to food and commute.


    Dear Anyone:

    I understand your concern about getting older (although 31 sounds young to me) and frustrations from the past, wondering if there can ever be a man suitable enough for you.

    But you wrote about this man: “Whenever we are together, I often end up losing temper and feel irritated.” As long as this is the case, you shouldn’t marry him, this is for sure. I mean, what kind of a life will it be for you to often be irritated? Even if you manage to not lose your temper, feeling angry inside often, is not a good way to live!

    If you continue to consider him for marriage, I think it is a good idea for the two of you to attend a competent, hard working psychotherapist for couple therapy. So to figure out IF to get married. In those sessions you will bring up your irritation with him and the causes. It will be an opportunity to see if indeed he can and is willing to look into his behavior, see how some of it is understandably irritating to you, and see if once he sees it, he is putting the effort to change it.

    See if he is really willing to examine issues honestly and make the changes for the purpose of a Win-Win marriage. Not just so to make the marriage happen (he Wins) and then it is his-way-or-the-highway (a Win-Lose marriage, lose for you).

    What do you think?




    In fact I ensure to raise my concerns and he works towards it. He is open to change for the better. And has also asked me couple of times if I am able to see the changes.

    The irritation part comes when he sticks to me all the time (his pace is fast and mine slow). Whe He is ready to jump into marriage and for me marriage is a strict no. He is okay with it until I’m ready for it. Patient until I accept his proposal.

    But I have to mention that I have been getting sound and stress free sleep these days which I hadn’t had in a long time. May be the feeling of reliability that he extends. And I ensure to have my time.

    The other things I have liked in him is, whenever I get upset, he comes with a small present to cheer me up. And doesn’t hold ego to say sorry.

    Thank you, Anita for posting and being there. Hugs!


    Dear Anyone:

    You are welcome and thank you for the Hugs!

    I am glad you slept better. It is an indication of something good.

    Being the aggressive man that he is, do notice that for some aggressive people, it is a challenge for them to get what they are after and will produce the “changes’ required for the aim of winning, getting what they want.

    Pay attention, is what I am suggesting. Of course, I don’t know him and you… you are just getting to know him. So get to know him more. Have no blind spots, see it all.

    Till your next post, take care!



    First of all, sorry to interrupt this thread with a side-issue.
    I read it a while ago and since I don’t have internet in my house, i didn’t find the time to reply yet.
    I’m afraid that I don’t know how to contribute to your question about this man – i’m struggling too much about it myself.

    @ Elletinker, thank you for writing you story about your work. I am very, very slowly starting to see how sensitive I am and how much the energy of other people influences me. I am struggling a lot with that at work, i found it interesting and helpful to read your post. I’m thinking to start an other thread to write about this, maybe to ask you or other people for you experiences – when I have more time. Anyway, thank you for contributing and helping me a little bit along in learning to cope better with different people in the workplace.

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