Hello, my ex broke up with me 3 months ago and we were together for 4.5 years(i broke up with her for 8months after the first 2 years then i went back), she told me that it was because she had enough of the fights we had..

She was very insecure during our relationship, but i managed to pull her up every single time, but of course i made some mistakes, everybody does, but nothing GREAT and our fights weren’t FIGHTS.. she always had a very hard time dealing with arguments no matter how little they were(cuz of her past)..
We were very attached the 1st month still trying to get back together i didn’t wanted to turn my back on her cuz i wanted to show her i could support her no matter what, the 2nd we drifted a bit but tried to be friends, and now, well she told me we should stop talking and i asked her the same..
I admited to myself what i did wrong because its stupid to ask forgiveness whitout knowing what you did.. she told me she forgave me, but that she wanted some time apart for her to “live life”.. She used to tell her friends “he’s got to earn me back, and it aint gonna be easy!” challenge accepted, but her mindset suddendly changed and i didnt do nothing wrong..

We even hangout several times, just to talk about our mistakes, remember good memories, and why i lied to her(i took her virginity, but i told i wasn’t a virgin) when we brokeup i told her, she was happy, but know she’s possessed about it, no matter what a lie is still a lie, but i was very insecure about admiting that to her..
She spent 2 months saying she felt guilty for breaking up, one day she phoned me saying she was never gonna be able to come back to me, because she gave everything she had in this relationship, and that she had enough of me, and that she would be completely happy not having a relationship ever.. I mean this girl from the very start as been allover the place, i never kinda knew what to do because of that, she changed opinion in a matter of hours, and now, she finnaly stopped, but not in a good mindset for me..

Her friends kindda drifted her from me too, they started saying things like “he’s not good enough” “he was always stupid to you” “you are pretty go find a man”, and im mad cuz she should think for herself!
We go the same bar, same circle of friends, same everything, she spent entire nights straring at me, but she had soo much to tell me that when ever she talked to me, she yelled at me, and when that happens i always just stand there and listen and apologize, no matter my urge to yell too..
Now she looks at me whit disgust, because people say i cheated on her(lie), that i badmouth her(lie), that i talk to complete strangers about my relationship(lol -.-” lie)

Between the 2nd and 3rd month she always had someting to yell at me, you did me this, you did me that, i asked her “girl was i ever a bad boyfriend?” she said “no.. thanks to you i grew up alot, you made me realize that i can be strong”
I dont understand somethings.. i mean i dont know if i love her because why should i tell her that i still care for her when she thinks sooo many things about me that aren’t true? She started with (exemple) 4 reasons for the breakup, now they are 40000000 reasons..
When i brokeup with her, i had ZERO intrest in returning to her, but then one day i texted her, we started hanging out(she still had feelings for me) it led to sex, and to a relationship with her, because she stopped being clingy and needy and i noticed that she had changed for me.. i asked her if she wanted to try again she said YES! she compared early in the breakup what she is doing to me to what i did to her, but i gave myself time and space to think she didn’t she wanted me around her and then she complained when i wasn’t around and when i was around..but these last years we got really really close to eachother..

Now she says she doesn’t want to be trapped in a relationship with me cuz she felt trapped for to long, i always was a guy that needs change needs to move, she wasn’t, she was more of the stay at home type, but now after soo many years trying to get her out of her shell, she had to breakup whit me soo she could do that? wear more sexy clothes, be proud of herself, be social, have fun.. i dont get it
She talked alot about me at first, that started to dwindle now she talks about everything but me..
She said she loved me alot, that if she saw a girl whit me she would beat her up, now she says she doesn’t care if im with another girl and that her feelings for me just arent the same..
She sometimes asks her friends what i’ve been doing, but they say that she says that without anyother intentions..
I dont get it i really dont.. i was alot cruel than her when i broke up, really ZERO interest, that build up, but she started at 90% and know its at 0%.. wtf