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How lonely are you?

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  • This topic has 51 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 9 years ago by Anonymous.
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  • November 15, 2015 at 5:43 pm #87567
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jack:

    So glad you are here! What a treat for me!!!

    Internal and external bullies are bad, bad company and I will take solitude over them anytime. Can you imagine some people do choose the company of a bully over being alone?

    anita

    November 15, 2015 at 5:52 pm #87569
    jock
    Participant

    I can’t understand that decision people take to be a “yes man for some mafia type bully. It’s a total self-betrayal a loss of self-respect.

    November 15, 2015 at 5:58 pm #87571
    Anonymous
    Guest

    As one who lived her life in a submissive pose to others way too often, I loathe that position. I hate it. I will not submit anymore, not in the rain, not on a train, not in a box, not with a fox, not here nor there.

    anita

    November 15, 2015 at 6:10 pm #87572
    jock
    Participant

    I guess there is a danger that if we gain self-confidence and narrow our boundaries and are wired to pounce on any trace of bullying, that we lose something as well. In fact we might become the bully instead . Our self-awareness telling us “I’m just being assertive ” when in fact we are coming across as aggressive and overly defensive.

    November 15, 2015 at 6:18 pm #87573
    Anonymous
    Guest

    That is where a HEALTHY inner critic comes into play. When i assert myself appropriately, some people will claim I am aggressive. So I observe my behavior and decide for myself. Would you rather err on the side of being submissive or on the side of being aggressive, a bit?

    anita

    November 15, 2015 at 6:23 pm #87574
    jock
    Participant

    ET(External Bully at workplace)
    IT (Internal Bully)

    ET: Did you do it the way I showed you? You didn’t did you?
    Jack: Sorry but does it really matter?
    IT: Jack, you idiot, you should’ve done it the way she showed you, now she’s got you cornered
    ET: Does it really matter? Of course it matters! (raising voice). If you want to work here, you’d better do as we tell you, OK?
    Jack: OK
    IT: You’re letting her raise her voice and you are not even going to say anything? You useless numbskull!
    ET: (shouting) Now hurry up and do it the way I showed you!

    November 15, 2015 at 6:26 pm #87575
    jock
    Participant

    Would you rather err on the side of being submissive or on the side of being aggressive, a bit?

    good question
    in the workplace, there’s always that pressure of “don’t rock the boat, you want a paycheck, don’t you”

    November 15, 2015 at 6:28 pm #87576
    jock
    Participant

    sorry I forgot to explain that little scenario I typed there about the workplace bully/internal bully.
    What do you think? As always, I appreciate your input. Otherwise skip it, no problem.

    November 15, 2015 at 6:51 pm #87577
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Analysis of ET and IT post:

    Read what Jack says:

    He says SORRY

    and then:

    Does it matter.

    He says: sorry for standing up to myself as I intend to do here/
    Then you are standing up to yourself by saying that the way she showed you doesn’t matter.

    See here: sorry, and then you give it to her, unwisely. This is passive (sorry)- aggressive (your way doesn’t matter)

    I have more, next…

    November 15, 2015 at 6:57 pm #87578
    Anonymous
    Guest

    ET: Did you do it the way I showed you? You didn’t did you?
    Jack: I will not answer you when you use this disrespectful tone. I am not a child and if I was I would expect better.
    Internal critic (healthy): Jack, you did well. You stood up for yourself. you were assertive and I am proud of you!)
    ET (one worst case scenario): You don’t like the way I talk to you? (raising voice)- well, you can quit!
    Jack: Or you can change the way you talk to me. Lower your voice for one.
    Internal Critic: You are doing well, jack. You are consistently standing up for yourself. You are courageous. You are choosing to…take the risk of standing up for yourself and insisting on being respected. I am so proud of you!
    ET: (shouting) Now hurry up and do it the way I showed you!
    Jack: F*(*^ you (leaves)

    November 15, 2015 at 6:58 pm #87579
    Passie
    Participant

    I’m not as lonely as some, but lonely enough to become a member of this site. I diagnosed myself with passive aggressive since reading the article, it describes me to a t. So hoping to change, meet some good friends for the first time since grade school. will keep you update.

    November 15, 2015 at 6:59 pm #87580
    jock
    Participant

    Some people might look at that scenario as a perfectly normal workplace scenario without any thing to complain about.”just do it and stop moaning!”

    November 15, 2015 at 6:59 pm #87581
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are out of that job but you were assertive. You are still out of a job but at least you practice assertiveness and it felt so good… maybe you are now MOTIVATED to get another job and practice some more.

    In real life you are out of work but you have a bad, bad taste of all those work situations because you didn’t stand up for yourself. Therefore no motivation.

    November 15, 2015 at 7:03 pm #87582
    jock
    Participant

    ET: Did you do it the way I showed you? You didn’t did you?
    Jack: I will not answer you when you use this disrespectful tone. I am not a child and if I was I would expect better.
    Internal critic (healthy): Jack, you did well. You stood up for yourself. you were assertive and I am proud of you!)
    ET (one worst case scenario): You don’t like the way I talk to you? (raising voice)- well, you can quit!
    Jack: Or you can change the way you talk to me. Lower your voice for one.
    Internal Critic: You are doing well, jack. You are consistently standing up for yourself. You are courageous. You are choosing to…take the risk of standing up for yourself and insisting on being respected. I am so proud of you!
    ET: (shouting) Now hurry up and do it the way I showed you!
    Jack: F*(*^ you (leaves)

    that is sensational anita
    thanks so much especially the “or you can change the way you talk to me” line

    November 15, 2015 at 7:06 pm #87584
    jock
    Participant

    I think my conclusion is:
    it is better to have self-respect and no job than a job and no self-respect.
    Self-respect is so important in life. We cop out too much just for money/survival.

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